Each day I remember
Our November
The moment that started it all
The ones that for months after made me bawl
One day you were mine
And everything was fine
Then I saw you leave
And it took me a while to beileve
When I did I couldn't cope
All I had left was some sort of hope
But you let me down
Made me more than frown
Some cuts on my shoulder
The weight of my emotions one heavy boulder
With my blood I said good-bye
Knowing your love was a lie
And my broken heart was a trophy of my failing try.

This love I cannot shake
T'was my heart you decided to take
You took me in
Now the things I want are considered sin
In your arms all seems right and fair
I truly believe you care
Please don't let me down
You have yet to make me frown
My love for you is growing
And I know I couldn't bare you going
You warm my heart
And I'm cold each moment we're apart
With your hand you rub my back what a magic arm
It slowly eases away any harm
I won't risk losing you
Love will keep me strong as long as it's true.

I can't help but fear
One day you may not be near
Maybe our love isn't meant to be
Not for you cause it is for me
It is your love
It brightens me and the sky above
I've never desired someone like I desire you
I wish you could love me too
Can't you look me in the eye
See that I not once spoke a lie
My want and love has been true
It's all been for you.

Even on my worst days
I don't regret you
Or us
Because I know
If I still had a chance
To change how things happened
I would
Just so I could try one more time
To be with you.

Somewhere between our love,
Grew hate,
You gave up on me,
On us and all that could have been,
I held on,
I believed in us,
Unlike you I had dreams,
Forever seemed definite,
Back then I wanted no one like I wanted you,
You quit when things got tough,
Even when you did I tried to pretend otherwise,
I stuck up for you,for me and for all that we were,
They put us down
And each day I fought to bring us up,
My love was stronger than anything I've ever known,
But that was then,
And now I'd rather be chopped into pieces
Than to see your face,
Hear your voice or name,
I'd rather be attacked by venomous spiders
Than spend another moment regretting what was.

Now someone else will "be"

Your Toxic Name Flows Through Me,
The Harder I Try To Get You Out,
The More Memories Come Rushing In,
Our Memories Suffocating Me To Near Death,
Everywhere I Turn Your Name Appears,
In Books,
And Here In My Sanctuary,
I Cannot Escape You Now,
And I Have Been Trying For Three Long Years,
Your Six-Lettered Name Is A Rattle Snake That Has Bitten Me,
If I Don't Get Rid Of This Venom Soon
I Will Die
And Maybe You Will Too.

You are the breath I take in,
Once inhaled I can last a hour or two,
But in this moment I lack air,
Your out of my reach,
And my body is caving in,
I'm searching for any sign of you,
I need just one hit,
One moment to indulge in you,
To feel your warmth
Before the day you leave me,
And air will no longer fill me,
And again I will be empty,
With a missing piece,
With no you,
With just this horrible version of me,
Suffering,
Aching ,
Alone,
Without you or anyone to hold me,
To care for me,
I sure won't,
That kind of why I love you,
You Care

The lack of your essence gives me the shakes,
I lose the strive to survive,
Quiting begins to sound like a gift,
I need you near
To keep me from collapsing,
Your my best friend
But your also part of the problem,
But still I need you,
You hug me,
Take away the pain,
Wipe away the tears,
Tell me it'll be alright,
But you'd leave me if you knew,
If you knew I'm in love with you,
And in this moment I am a puzzle
With a million missing pieces,
And while your near I feel a little less incomplete,
I need you
Now
And Forever

If only that could be.

That thought wounded me,
the thought like pounced on me as though it was a predator,
a predator to my heart.

Love has been cruel,
My heart is its companion,
Just as relentless,
They are partners in my demise,
My heart is caught in loves way,
To love another,
And have love go unreturned,
It left me and my heart with nothing,
Only a aching that wouldn't end,
I feel each moment of pain,
Each second of agony,
Love and my heart together,
Causing mass destruction,
Leaving me in a dark abyss,
For I am the one to suffer,
While they go off and just love one another.

It lived in my chest,
Ravished me in it's embrace,
It warmed me when I was cold,
It seemed as though the hand of god placed it there,
But with time it changed,
Dark clouds roamed by,
And snatched it away,
Stole what was my everything,
I was robbed of the treasure,
Love was taken from me,
And I don't know where it went.

I'll fill this space with empty words,
A half-hearted energy,
No true meaning,
Just a few sentences to fill the blank pages,
To cover up the hollowness growing here,
Don't worry it'll all be over soon

I need to press my lips on yours,
To fill the space between our bodies,
I want even our tounges battling,
To feel the warmth  radiating off you,
To hold you close and not let go,
I have to show you how I feel,
I'll use these lips
Because it's the best voice I know,
I have to have you,
I have to feel you kissing me,
I need just one,
Just One Kiss.

I close my eyes,
and scars reimerge,
wounds so fresh,
I want them to be real,
I want to feel the pain,
feel the marks in my body,
the scab trying to heal what I destroyed,
I want to feel the cold bade slice me open,
to feel all my emotions break out,
slightly free,
the more I slice,
the less I feel,
the less I hurt.

Escape,

I have to break free of these chains,

Urges,

They override me periodically,

Need,

Just need a kiss,lips to smash against mine,

Want,

I want love even though it never wants me,

Forget,

I desire love so I can forget,

Forget the pain,
Forget the lonely days,
Forget everything.

Your within my grasp,

But space fills the in between,

I'm loosing you,

Your distance grows the harder I try,

Begging for more sends you hurdling farther,

But I need you,

You keep me from breaking,

You pick up the pieces I forgot,

Your fading away,

Blending with the darkness,

And soon I'll loose you completly,

Then I'll be lossing a part of me,

A part of everything I love.

You wrapped me in your arms to keep away my tears
(Minutes passed on by and my tears began to dry
and as they did I wished they'd stay
so I could continue lavishing in your arms)
You told me we all had a purpose in life
(I wanted so badly to kiss you
to be your first and last)
Minutes ticked on by we were alone and just talking
(I told you my lonliness,
the lack of love I've felt my whole life)
You ask if I ever liked you
(Like you?! God I thought I was falling for you
Not that I could ever tell you)
I thought my yes would suffice
(But you continued asking me heart warming questions,
Ones that gave me hope)
You asked would I ever date you if you were bisexual
(I prayed in this moment you'd tell me you were
I wanted you and this question gave me hope
yet even now I fear it to be false hope)
I said yes and you told me you weren't
(I have some questions,
Why ask if you weren't?
Would you consider me like I consider you?
Why did you hug me so long?
Why do you always hug me longer when we're alone?)
Times up and we go.**
(Leaving me more confused than ever.)

Flower me in your embrace,
breath sweet truths in my ear,
take your time dear,
I can wait,
for you I would wait an eternity,
please don't forget me,
your time is nearly up here,
and though I wish you'd stay
you too will walk away,
I too will be forgotten,
but darling let us lavish in now,
let me bathe in your arms,
and never let me forget this feeling,
this glorious feeling of knowing you,
of being yours,
hold on tight darling,
until you must go.

You hold me close,
minute by minute,
I breathe in your scent,
You let go and wipe away my tears,
I tell you what's wrong,
And you tell me too,
But there is a secret I'm keeping from you,
Your perfect in my eyes,
But I tell you lies,
It's not them I desire,
Your the only one who lights my fire,
I burn for you,
But the truth is I'm trying not to,
Your unsure if your gay,
The hope that your bi can make my day,
I need you to see what everyone else sees,
Your made just right for me.

Through the cracks in the sky,
I see solar rays coming at me,
A break in the clouds with a golden spark,
A place gods could descend from,
In this bright sky I find peace,
Serenity and hope no longer eluding me,
I am more determined than ever,
This content feeling filling me,
And I will find my way through,
And darling maybe I don't know you but I'm on my way,
On my way right to you.

Love shares too many good-byes
Too many unsaid words
Far too many pieces of shattered hearts
The painful memories are unumerable
Love begins with such life
Such beauty
But as it dies a part of us does too
Love shares tears as well as smiles
Shares gut wrenching pain with butterflies
Love begins with a bright and mystical magic
But love ends with black life ******* magic
There is no changing this predestined course
It was loves way of saying they aren't the one
Even if every ounce of you says they are.

I witnessed death young
Dealt with a non-caring father
I held on tight to those who were friends
I watched them fade away and leave me
I fell in love young
With my best friend
And this love was an infatuation
When he too left me I broke
Scars now almost invisible
Constant urge to renew them
A never ending desire for love
For a permanent stay
For a moment of peace
I wish the darkness away
But with the memories come aching
Reflections on the things I wasn't good enough to keep
Memories of the mistakes
The innocence stolen
The hospital visits
The therapy
The unsaid truths
I see what's wrong
But nothing I do will fix it
I have to survive with these marks
These never ending moments of reflections
The memories of my failures
All the reasons no one will ever stay
The reasons no one could ever love me.

A broken heart that does not heal
A girl permanently painted in tears
All that remains are the broken pieces
Left overs of someone that wasn't good enough
A memory in your life
One that shall fade
And to her a memory that will always ache
Abandoned by you
By hope and by everyone
Darkness consuming her in your absence
You don't really care
Even though you once made tears dry
You are now the cause
It's your lack of love
Your lack of care
Your lack of being there

If I let myself realize it I know I'll BREAK.

You were a addiction
A need
It seems if thoughts of you weren't flowing through me I wasn't alive
You were the pain and the joy
The bittersweet taste that lived in me
An obsession came with my love
I was in fact infatuated
I was consumed in your everything
Your name
Your memories
Hell I loved you
But it was so much more
You were the air I breathed
You were the oxygen I needed but I didn't want
I craved death and while your memories did that
They also kept me alive
Time has passed my darling and old words still ache
Broken promises still urge tears
But you are now a ending chapter
Your a part in my story but babe your not the whole **** thing
Not anymore

You are the lost toy I could never find again

Joshua
This is my final tribute to you
You left me in a bright place
But the moment you left
Light became dark
And these days my love is a hate
Betrayal is in your heart
Guilt for the lies you told
I hope pain for the agony you've caused
Your love was never real
We were adolescents playing a game
But my love was real
My pain was too
I was sent into the darkness
You left me with nothing
You were the light to my day
The smile to my laughter
I needed you
And because you broke me
I will never be whole
I will never love myself
And I can't stand to kiss in the rain without thinking of you.

An explosion
A on edge way of surviving
Each day battling
Each day waiting for defeat
Abandoned by hope
Knowing evil rests here
A nice smile
Tightening innards
Survival no longer seems vital
Giving in is so simple
The urges grow
A split of a vein
It will set me free
Agony will longer reside in me
I will no longer be a abandoned memory
I will be the forgotten pain
I am not strong
Words will not change that I am weak
Time has not changed it either
I am a ticking time bomb
And I must EXPLODE

Here I am
The one left behind
Left by a unwanting father
Left by friends
Left by all those whom I've cared for
Loved ones included
And now in my darkest place
You leave me too
Off to a new place
Leaving behind the girl who loves you
Tears cannot even comprehend my pain
You walking out of my life
It means I don't get my chance
It means another person hurts me
Once again I'm alone
You've left me now and there is no turning back
This is good-bye my love.

The day to day,
The fake smile imprinted on,
The bare minimum,
Searching for true human contact,
An easy target to cruelty,
The first one to be put down,
Easy to hurt,
Hard to fix,
The one who is used,
Never good enough to keep,
A current moment to become a blurred memory,
The weird outcast in society,
An original copy,
No one listens,
No one sees,
No one understands.

Cruelty,
Uncared for,
Loves but never loved,
Wants but never wanted,
Confused,
Love filled to the brim,
No one to love,
Left in a circle,
Left in the past,
Remember the pain,
Those who left,
Those who used,
Those who lied,
Those who just didn't give a ****.

Kiss my neck,
Run your lips by mine,
Let your hands roam me,
Let mine roam you,
I'll kiss you here,
I'll hold you close,
Feel warmth grow between us,
Waiting for our bodies to entertwine,
waiting for an explosion of exotic ecstasy.

Noisless laughter,
Bickering surrounding me,
Anger will build,
My only release is escape,
I'm locked in this cage,
A class full of people whom I hate,
They mock me,
And I mock their idiocy,
*** heads,
Drinkers,
And quitters,
Surrounded by the unfavored,
Suffocating in the abyss,
Darkness devouring my insides,
Hatred grown,
Loath in process,
They must be ended,
They too must change,
I am not alone,
I will survive,
I will find my way out.

Sometimes it flows through me,
Sometimes it is just stuck.

I'm the ghost

Filled with memories

Unable to let go or forget

Trapped between Earth and hell

A pain I can't let go of

A ache that doesn't stop

I'm the invisible

The ugly one you walk by

I'm no one

A left behind memory

A figment of your imagination

I'll vanish in time

Perish not soon enough

I'm the nothing to your everything

The dark to your light

I'm the nothing you left behind

I'm a girl with a broken heart

I'm nothing much

I remain

Scars are gone

Cuts have healed

Tears have dried

Loneliness is consuming me

Feeling trapped

I need to escape

Pain is suffocating

Sorrow overloads me

No one has ever undestood

I am nothing

I'm abandoned

Leftovers to the evil

Not good enough to keep but good enough to use.

I've been searhing
my whole life,
Waiting for someone,
A prince perhaps,
I just want
Love,
Maybe it got lost,
Maybe I let it
Slip through my fingers,
But the hunt continues
Day by day,
Month by month,
Year after year,
I am the nothing,
The failure
In both love
And in Life,
My life has been
A unfufilled journey,
Since 3 searching,
Since 3 never finding,
Alone on non-stop
Journey through time,
I'm riding along,
But who knows
For how long.

I won't conform to your ways,
I'm not straight,
I will stand tall and defend myself,
You may not understand,
But at least I know who I am,
And don't you worry your pretty little head,
I won't come onto you,
I know if you fear my kind,
I know if your uncomfortable,
But you have to accept us,
Our population is growing,
And now we can marry in some states,
Be parents,
And we can love,
And on the occasion we are not accepted
You'll see we're stronger than you,
Because of who we are we're put through hell,
But at least we can still live and still go to heaven,
At Least We're Strong And Ourselves.

It Only Matters Who You Love Not Who You Like.

I am the evil that will rot your brain,
The false sense of comfort,
The strange shadow that follow in your tracks,
I am the water trying to drown you,
The carbon monoxide trying to suffocate you,
I am the heart beating within your chest,
I am guilty,
I am everywhere and nowhere,
But I Am Nothing.

I was empty handed,
And yet my heart full,
They didn't see,
They we're blinded,
To consumed,
To distracted,
They came first,
I came last,
They wore masks,
I just hid,
We were impostors,
But they played,
And they won,
I always lost,
They we're fools,
Their vision
Non-exsistent,
As was I
On days I cried,
They never
Stopped me,
They let me hurt,
Let me injure myself,
And before long
I was just scars,
Proof of how
Little the world cared,
Before I died
They didn't know,
They didn't know me,
Or my pain,
Or my tears,
Or even my scars,
They knew the impostor.

I'm close to you,
Tempted by you,
If only I could hold your hand,
Kiss your lips,
Stare into your eyes,
And capture your heart,
If only dreams came true,
My love is strong,
And yours does not exsist,
We're not to meant to be,
And you never showed any signs we were,
My boy,
The one who temps,
Stay close,
Don't go,
And let me hope for loving days.

There is a pain in my chest and it won't let me breathe,
I try to break free but love has trapped me,
I'm hurting all over and it seems
no matter how hard I fight this will be forever,
My heart will always long for those I can't have,
my heart will always ache knowing I wasn't good enough.

He wants me to be his,
but he will not speak of his desire,
he has me in disbelief,
I cannot believe,
So now I must leave,
my heart will try to let go,
I must make it so,
my heart may not love you,
one day my heart won't be true,
But I'm A Liar,
My Hearts For Sale And I Need A Buyer.

I can watch,
smile,
pretend love doesn't run through these veins,
my love is alone,
it's a burning fire without anything to contain it,
it slips through me,
I spread it here and there,
on him or him,
but not the only person i ever wanted,
my desire for him was burned at the stake,
I had to let go,
and now I only pretend,
pretend it doesn't ache,
pretend i'm not alone,
pretend I'll make it through the fire and learn to be me.

To my suprise I awoke beside him,
A lush man a nd a devilish smile,
He looked at me with brown eyes,
And he he whispered his love to me,
To my suprise my body cuddled close with his,
I had never felt so warm in my life,
To my suprise I felt his heartbeat,
Fast then sl;ow,
Loud then soft,
He kissed me on the cheek,
And to my suprise I smiled,
He was truly a kind man,
A man I had loved for a long time,
These were the moments I would cherish,
To my suprise I realized he was the man,
The man lying next to me was the man that I would dream of spending my life with,
And to my suprise that's who he became.