My crazy seeps out

And you see it

Don't you?

I just hope it doesn't scare you off too much.

You're a fleeting desire

You're here today

But in a few blinks

You'll be gone

How do I pull myself out.

I jokingly say
I'm gonna jump off a bridge

And you laugh and say you're coming with me

But you don't see how close I am to the edge do you?

Tell me.

Tell me how.

How do I say it.

How do I tell you.

I'm just not happy anymore.

My body aches
Aches for intimacy
Aches for motherhood
Aches for change

I need a new beginning.

Kings have reigned less time
Than the years I spent loving you.

A kiss so sinfully delicious
That the devil himself
Cannot bare to watch.

He loves me more

Why is that such a scary concept for me

Scarier than when I loved you more.

Scarier than loving him back

Why does he love me more?

I remember
Because it's impossible to forget
That gut wrenching pain
That feeling when you truly think your heart has broken
All the tears cried
And all the short breaths
Not sure if I wanted to breathe at all
Not sure if living without your love was worth it
I remember what it was loving you

It was heartbreak.

People love to reminisce,
They love to remember high school days

But for me
That's means remembering you

The break ups
And the fights

The love making in hallways

The ditching

The apologies
And broken promises

The lies and mistrust

Remembering isn't always fun, sometimes you remember heartbreak

So when someone tells me to look back and remember

I'll tell them I only look forward.

In a parallel universe
We were soulmates.

Will you love me as I cry

Will you love me when I can't bare children

Will you love me when I have bad days

Will you love me when I'm snarky

Will you love me when I just want to go home

Will you love me always and forever?

If not, you can surely go.

Half of her screams
You are beautiful
The other half screams
You're just a monster

Torn between
The scale
And the diet
The food
And the confidence

Never finding peace.

To her, you were once the whole world
Every day with you was a new adventure

To you, she was your hometown
The one you never left out of fear.

You're the only one who has ever tasted me

And I hope my juices
Have burned your insides.

You're the broken record
That won't stop playing
Even when I get it to stop
The song stays stuck in your head
That's you
Stuck

Trapped in my mind
Emerging subconsciously
When I'm most vulnerable
And all my shields are down.

You still haunt my every nightmare.

Once upon a time
I fell in love with this man
And this man
Would break promises
Break my heart
But I was sure he was the one
I was blinded by love
I never saw the pain he caused
I loved him so completely
I believed I would never love again
Then one day
I met this other man
And this man
Truly kept his word
He was a dreamer
And no matter the day
Or how untrue it felt
He made sure he called me beautiful
So much so I'd believe him
And this man is the man I intend to spend my life with now
It is possible to love again.

I use to tell myself
You were so good looking
That I should be grateful You would even look at me
Nevermind love me
But these days I realize
I thought you were good looking
And maybe you are
But sweetheart
I'm beautiful in ways that my outer shell will never show
I was good enough for you
I was always good enough
We just weren't meant to be.

There are so many things I want you to do to my body

Listen to my requests
Please my love
I just want to slip into bliss

I finally took all the broken pieces of myself
And put them back together.

My blood is tainted
Who poisoned my womb


Tell me.

The worst part
Of loving someone so deeply
Is that when it's all over
There's a piece of them in you
Forever
There's always a drop of love
Even if it's mixed with rage.

You are gone
Or the you that I loved
And yet
I still awake
From dreams
Where you are
Where my heart aches
You see
The you that I loved
He is forever stamped
In my heart
And I've tried
So hard
To erase it
To scratch it out
To forget
But it's no use
I'm haunted by you
Haunted by a you
That was everything to me.

Eyes so bright

Dreams so big

Blind me with your love

Hug the patience into me

I don't know how long I can wait.

I still cringe when I meet someone with your name

Your name

Like the slowest poison
It never leaves me

Just slowly eats away

Ah your name

How I wish I could eradicate it from my soul

I fight with him
Something so minor
But it hurts me
And I think it reminds me
Of the way you'd hurt me
Then I can't stop thinking,
Thinking of the last ten years
All those years between you and I
And I think that speaks volumes

I always want the wrong people
Always want someone who doesn't want me
How do I constantly do this
Why am I never the one to be loved

How do I change everything about myself because I feel it's my only choice.

There is no turning back
There's only you
Poison in my veins.

I hate when I feel lonely
Because I can't stop thinking about you
Can't stop wanting your touch
Can't stop aching at every memory

I hate when all I want is you in my lap
My fingers running through your thick soft hair

I hate when I let myself accept my undying love

I want a new start

I want a new love
I want someone who won't break my heart.