Your the boy
Who stole my heart
Tore it apart
And left me here
With only fear
I'm broken
I'm not whole
I used to believe
You had a soul
Now here I am
Searching for another way
To rid these thoughts of you
For all the days
I don't want to hurt
But I do
Mainly because
My heart still loves you.

I don't want this
But when I close my eyes
I'm holding your hand
I smile looking into
Your beautiful eyes
And I kiss your lips lightly
Feeling more bliss
Running through me
In that instance
Than ever before
And when I open my eyes
I realize
Your Just My Friend.

You
Are A poet
Your perfect
At wielding your lies
Of "I love you's"
Your a teenage boy
Who can lie
Straight to a persons face
You
Are now the one
Who has me hoping
Those ******* words
Aren't just ******* lies
But it's okay
Because for this battle
I came well prepared
Because I am a teenage girl
Who is also a poet
And can tell blatant lies
I'm a girl who can tease you
Until you burst
I can make you feel
Like you tried to make me feel
Like A Piece Of Crap
Let's Just See Who Wins This Time.

I wish this made sense
Wish everything
Would stop feeling
So incomplete
So empty
Because for once
In my life
I want to smile
I want to laugh
I want to feel joy
And know
It's because life is okay
I desire the sun to sooth me
Like the cloudy days do now
I live in and out
Of the darkness
But now
All I wish
Is to pretend
Like the darkness doesn't exist
And Just Feel
Just Be Happy.

Just when I feel
Okay
I ***** up
Don't even
Realize my massive mistake
And only when
I'm on my knees
Crying for forgiveness
And understanding
Do I see my fault
Yet
It's the cycle of me
Because I don't allow
Myself joy
I allow only
Agony and misery
Confusion and
Terrible behavior tendencies
Due to my ways
I'll never
Smile
And know
That I'll
Always feel that happiness
Because it gets taken away
By
Myself.

I fear this
I'm afraid of this friendship
Petrified to be hurt
Again
Horrified at the mixed feelings
And Signals
I want this to work
But with us
It never seems to
I hope that it'll all be okay
But sometimes
I think you make
Me just too happy
And make my heart
Flutter too much.

I've been told
For love to exist
Pain must as well
But what if the pain
Comes from
Them
Not loving
You
At All.

I've always wanted
Love
To feel
Their hands
Entwined with mine
Needed to hear them
Whisper I love you
As we lie close
I want
To feel their lips
Brush mine
I've always dreamed
I'd belong
I'd be someones
Perfect match
Their soul-mate
Because love taught me
To believe in that "crap"
I just always wanted
To love someone
And be loved the same in return.

The past
It's branded me for life
I've paid for my mistakes
Begged on my knees
Cried for the world to see
But this monstrous thing haunts me
It has me in it's grasp
And reminds me everyday
Of all the bad I've done
And that evil will always
Live in my heart
The devil himself
Marked me
As his creation.

I had the choice
Between
The boy I thought
I would love forever
Or the boy
Who
Made my happy
I chose happiness
Because
If there is no
Joy
Then there is
No Real Love.

My heart
Was always on my sleeve
You grabbed my hand
Brushed past my heart
And let it smash
You broke me
With your touch good-bye
You let me fall to pieces
I was your puppet
You pulled my strings
Made me fall in love
Made me smile when I cried
Made me happier than I thought I could be
And then again
You left me here
Without a word
Of sorrow or apologies
You just let my love hang there
Let my heart fall
And all I felt was it break
As all the good memories
Collided with the bad ones across the floor.

Why Does Your Heart Break
Cause Me So Much Pain.

Why
Does it feel like
I'm setting myself up again
Waiting for you
To log on
So we can talk
About how we're friends
How you have a girl
That you love
So we can explain
How well we understand each other
And how this friendship means
Everything
Why does it feel like
We're back in middle school
Smiling
And enjoying ourselves
Knowing
This is the end of our relations
Because after all
We're Just Friends.

This Is It
The one place
I'm free
Here I can
Breathe
I can remember
And yet let
It go through me
Reminding myself
It's the past
And here lies
Beauty
A serenity
The back and forth
Motions of the water
The sweetness
It supplies
And the safety
It Ensures.

I Don't Know You Well
But your smile
Makes my heart
Flutter
Your greeting
Makes me
At loss
For words
When I see you
Everything else
Blurs
And all I can see
Is you
All I see
Is the string
That's connected
From my heart
To yours
And I'm
Being pulled in.

My heart
Is like a
Large dog
Trapped
In A small
Cage
It barks
It cries
Pleas
For
Freedom
A new
Owner
But
No one
Rescues it
Just leaves it
Lets it rot
And die
It gave up
And let go
Because hoping
And holding on
Was too hard.

Take me
Hold me
Because
No one else will
I'm not loved
Not by you
Or myself
Save me
Don't leave
I'm unstable
Ready to fall
Ready to break
I have nothing left
Come closer
Whisper
A soothing tale
Of a princess
Who finally
Found her prince
Just as she wanted to quit
Tell me
They lived
Happily
And stayed together
Even when times
Weren't perfect
Tell me
They Will Be Us
Years From Now.

Words
Of regret
And apologies
Can't fill the cracks
Won't heal the wounds
I'm not capable of being fixed
There is more than you see
The pain seeps to deep
And the memories
Only burn deeper scars
Problems mounted problems
Conflicts go unsolved
The walls I've built
Out of cement and bricks
Are in ruins
The strength I had
Is depleting
And all the hope I had
For healing
Slowly Fades Away.

I bury the memories
Tell myself
The love faded long ago
Fight the shaking
Deny the flutter in my chest
And make sure
To Ignore the thoughts
But memories
Break through the cracks
My hands still tremble
My heart still skips a beat
And the thoughts emerge again
And I'm left
With a false hope
To go back and
Fix the things that went wrong
My shattered heart
Thinks it wants you
But I can't do it
This game is over
Even if we're not
Done playing
I can't forget
But I need
A replacement
For you.

There was a girl
And she remembered
The boy who first
Captured her heart
He left her
Broke Her
But she never gave up
Her waiting was endless
Until the chance arose
For her to love another
So while this girl
Had a broken heart
She decided to give up
And let go
Of the pain
But as she fell in love again
She once again saw
That she could never attain him
Nor the love she
Loved first
And then her shredded heart
Stood between the past love
Who broke her
And the current one
Who just didn't care enough
And this girl
Didn't know which hurt worse.

I wish
I could kiss you
One last time
To make sure
We lost our spark
To ensure
No feelings
Will come back
I wish
I could make sure
That my love
Will never
Return
To make sure
That you'll
Never
Break my heart
Again
I just need
To affirm
That you're
No longer capable
Of hurting me
Ever again

I loved you
And this aching
Won't fade
My heart misses you
The smiles you brought
The joy that swelled in me
Because of you
I know what it is
To be happy
In the presence of a friend
Even if you love 'em
And know it can't progress
I know it'd be easy
To hate you
But my heart can't forget
The warmth
Your smile gave
The comfort
You gave with just a look
You worried for me
And looking back
I wish I could have
Saved you
Like you saved me.

The demon emerges
I fear its
Fury
For it controls me
Makes my
Mistakes
Changes the good
Makes me weak
I become nothing
I am only a
Pawn
In it's masterful game
I start to
Fade
And
The demon
Begins to
Rule
This body

Don't go
Please don't leave me
Not again
Baby I love you
Doesn't that count for something
I'll change
Just stay
You mean to much
I need you
Wait for me
Stay here and close
It'll hurt to much
I can't say good-bye
I can't let go
My heart won't heal
I'll never love again

The demon in me
It feeds on
******* rituals
*******
****** day-dreams
It searches
For prey
Finds
Sappy men
Who can't aquire
Someone their age
The demon pounces and recieves
It flaunts it's
Power
It's pride in the
Wrongness
And when
The real me
Returns
She is
A little
Less alive
And a little
More evil.

I think of you
Your smiling face
And the feelings
That inhabited me
In your presence
It was as though
You re-lit a candle in me
That burned out years before
It warmed me
And lit me up
I never wanted it to end
But when I thought it did
I realized it was a trick candle
And thoughts of you
Kept it lit
My fire won't burn out
Because no matter how hard you blow
The fire remains.

I miss you
I do not love you
It's all a game
That my body plays
At the slightest acknowledgement
Of your Existence
My heart fumbles
And my hands shake
But the past is the past
And I dislike remembering
Who I was
So I remind myself
Of another I loved
But then my heart
Is aching
And I start to miss
Him too
Only I start to
Remember
My heart
Is still his to hold.

Hidden in silence
Unseen by listeners
Blending into this
Hellish home
Escape is not found
Only survival
Hanging on by a thread
you sewed into me
And the thread
Is breaking
I'm no longer
Safe or invisible
And this
Existence
May be the end of me

Good-bye
my hushboy
Good-bye
sweetness
Good-bye
to being treated like a toy
Good-bye
to failed tries
Good-bye
my dimple faced boy
I hope some will bring you joy
or the happiness
you once brought me
it's sad we can never be
but in the end all I want
is for you to be happy.

I want to be
A part of your
Zombie killing team
Like you always promised me
We can make sure they die
For good this time
I'll grab my shotgun
And have a load of fun
I'll make sure they don't eat our brain
Make sure they are slain
You promised me I'd be on your team
Now let our pride and strength gleam

It's when I think of you
That old scars
Feel like fresh wounds
It's when I'm reminded
How I loved you then
And hate you now
That I break
Because I know
I'm burying the love
With false hate
I'm blocking out
The memories
That make me smile
Because they also leave me
With a aching
And this collision of emotions
Has me on edge
And I'm ready to go over it.

I saw you
Everything clashed
My glass walls
Shattered
And instantly
All our memories
Came back
I couldn't ignore
The knot in me
The monster wanting freedom
I felt myself holding in
The scream
I could feel my heart twisting
Turning in agony
Because in those eyes
I saw all I had
All I lost
And all that brought me
To destruction.

It's too late now
and we can't go back
and fix everything that fell apart
in the time that you
were taking my heart
We can't put the pieces together
Because they no longer
Fit
We've each been torn
To bits
Apologies don't rid the dark
Won't bring the light
Can't relight the spark
We've harbored the pain
Love is gone
And We're both a little insane
We're troubled and lost
Can't find our way
Our joy comes with a cost
And we're unwilling to pay
I'm sorry this can't be bargained
I'm sorry for the words I didn't say
And I apologize that this is good-bye
Just promise never to ask why.

I was so
Filled
With sweet
Ignorance
Because
If I did not
Ignore
Then I'd
Feel
And
If I'd
Feel
I'd realize
You weren't
Here
And
If I felt
I would'
Only feel
Empty
With you
Not here.

The aching
use to feel
like a million
knives in my chest
It left me in such
Agony and pain
My eyes the color of blood
Because the tears never stopped
My scars that became
Fresh wounds
I was filled
With such emptiness
So much worthlessness
It seemed I'd never
Stop this feeling
Even when
I thought it faded
It grew back
And it hurt much
**Worse

I still remember
Because I was taught
Never to forget
I know the images
Will never fade
The days I loved you
Everything you were
All the time I spent
Crying because you left
The eternity I will spend
In search
For a forever
To complete
The never ending
Gaping hole
In my chest
That my
First love
Left there.

I want lips
Of a female
Because they too
Desire nothing more
They seem more innocent
Less fearsome and beastly
I want to feel the heat
That I know
Only a girl will
Be able to cause
I want her
I'm not sure
If this is everything
I want
But it's
What I need
A beast
A male
Is tempting
But they only
Leave me in darkness
And a girl
She brings
Light.

Somethings wrong with me
I lie in bed
with building angst
I close my eyes
and the imaged emerge
Their hands on my body
A man who loves to roam
He takes my body
And collides it with his
I desire it
I find myself aroused
But I've been there
done that and I know
If I remake this
Into reality
I will live
To regret it
And hate myself for it
Still I can't escape
The desires urges and images
They are what control me
and they never plan
On letting me go.

I felt something
we slid into place
I know it wasn't
Fantasy
We were two souls
Who found peace
But the harsh world
It ruined you
Made you afraid
Of what they thought
But it never mattered
You had me
And my love
I quickly realized
It didn't matter
How much I loved you
You cared more
About what they thought
Than what I did.

I always wished on stars
While some wished for golden bars
I wished for love
Someone who'd make my heart skip when thought of
While they got bars of gold
I remain without someone to hold
I'm wondering if my stars died
Wondering if anyone has tried
I'm sick of being let down
Sick and tired of my frown
I need to find a heart
Just one who won't tear mine apart
Still no one wants me to love and hold
It's hard to believe the world has become so cold
But because they have I grow alone and old.

Falling in love
It always felt
Like I was finding my way
I was learning where
The heavens stood
And how far they reached
Love led me
To the depths
Of heaven
And I discovered
That even heaven
Has a dark-side
And when I reached
It I realized
I was the only one
Falling in love.

I only miss the old you
The one who gave me a chance
Led me to believe
That we could be something

I only miss your dimples
They were magic
Healed every ache you left

I only miss your lips
I wanted to feel their softness
But I always settled
For a smile

I only miss the boy
You use to be
The one who didn't care
But always showed the real him
The boy who saved me

I miss the boy that I loved
And I need him to know
Who he became
Is a boy who's heart
Is too cold for loving.

Despite our past
And our good-bye
My mind needs you
A part of me misses you too
While the rest of me
Aches
And itches
To escape
The area
You posses
It fears you
Needs to forget
I'm stuck here
Between
A need
And a hate
An urge
And a pain
And I know
I'll Never Decide

I've been on the run
My whole life
I've been lost
Roaming
Hoping for sanctuary
Needing something permanent
I'm filling
Bursting with emptiness
I buried the pain
And covered it with ignorance
I avoid every flashback
Wince at every thought
Because they still remain
I'm breaking
Into complete catastrophe
I'm running
From the life
I wish I never lived

Your embrace
Was as warm
And refreshing
As a child's
"Comfort" blanket
I held you close
With such fear
That one day
I'd lose you
I loved you
Your smell
Your look
Your touch
You made it all better
Wiped away the tears
And simply put a smile
Right where I thought one would never go
On my face.

I Don't Miss You
I promise
But the memories
They creep up on me
Invade my dreams
Every time
I look to the sky
I think of you
And me
All that was
All the possibilities
The ones you took away
The ones I too sabotaged
I can't forget it though
Images of our lips colliding
Or me wrapped  in your arms
They stick with me
Make me wince
Make me ache
And I know I don't love you
And I know I don't miss you
But the first love hurts the most
When it ends in complete disaster.

I've been drifting
Losing myself
These past years
I seem to be missing
More and more of myself
A new feeling grows
And it's hard to describe
Perhaps it's anger
Fear
Hope or
Sorrow
It whispers to me each night
"Your wrong"
Ah, we've figured it out
My impurities
It keeps me on the cliff
I'm a slipping hand
Try to hold on
But if no one pulls
I'm gonna fall
And I can't go
Not until I say
What's inside.
Whatever that is.