I would've stayed
Standing and whispering
Hoping my tales of life
Wouldn't worry you too much
If there weren't others
Watching me as I awkwardly stared
I would've stayed
And told you
That each day is up and down
That I might get a happy ending
If I work hard enough
If there wasn't so much snow
I would've sat there
And talked about what life
Could have been like
If we were still together
Laughing and arguing
Being wild together
But you have molded a part of who I am
I wish I could have stayed
Because I miss you.

I wish I could erase
Those days fawning over him
Just so I could say
I have only ever loved you
But I must be harsh
To be honest
And that is what you ask
So I did once love a boy
Long after you left
Because he stopped tears
And had nice dimples
He was so different from you
I knew nothing of him really
But was enticed
Intrigued
So lonely and lustful
My infatuation
Morphed into a mutated love
But now I wish to erase him
Erase the eyes
Dimples
Erase the tears he saved me from
Erase everything
Except how I still mentioned your name
To him
All the time
Because the truth is
You were my first love
And that
Is unforgettable.

Tomorrow
I promise
To crawl into
Your arms
And just hold
On tight
But as for now
I must rest for the night.

I used to ask
God
For love
And when he
sent it
He sent it in the
Form of you
My angel.

If all does not
Improve
It's you
I will lose
And my fear
Keeps me here
I cannot help myself
For I'm falling
And no net will catch me
I know
If I do not try harder
Than my hardest
I could be risking
The most important
Thing in my life
And then
Blades would surely
Find their way
Onto my skin.

Sometimes
The darkness invades
And the blade
Calls my name
And I
Am so
Tempted
To answer.

When I think
About that first
******
My body
Tingles
But I'm still
Waiting
It's okay
Because I
Know your
Worth the wait.

In a fit of lust
We lose control
But when all is done
I smile as you put your shirt back on
Realizing how good you look without it
And remembering all the days
I use to want to see you so ****
So bare
And now
After my patient waiting
I finally get to see
And I'll never get tired of looking.

The knowledge of your completion
Completed me.

Lost in dreams
Lost in reality
Lost in the past
Lost in things that didn't last
Lost in the pain
Lost in my mind;going insane
Lost in a lonely abyss
Lost, begging for a kiss
Lost in this world of fools
Lost in the guys using girls as tools
Lost in the hate
Lost in my search for an eternal mate
Lost in my search for love
Lost in my questions about what's above
Lost and I can't find my way out
Lost and so full of doubt

When our eyes meet
                                    My hate ignites deep inside
You still talk ****
                                     Like we just fought yesterday,not 5 months ago
But I don't see hate
                                       Not in those eyes
But it's there
                         I know it is
But why
                    Why do you still bother with your talk and your **** hate
Give up
                     You don't want me
I let it go
                   Our friendship truly died
Whatever
                          It's your loss
Just let me rest
                             Because I'm done with your
*********

My body's running off the deep end
Trying to get closer to you
My body it wants you
We're lustful teens
But we're also in love
Your uncontrollable shiver
Turns me on
I have fight back urges
When your away
Images and thoughts
Of making love with you
Rot my mind
No one will ever touch me
Like you do
I get nervous when
The chance arises
But even though I retreat
I want to march forth
And let our bodies be one
But every teen girl fears
This is all you want
Even though I know its not
My past has traumatized me
And my body's begging I let go
I need to
Because my body wants to be with you.

I fade into the dark
And I don't know how to see
When all of a sudden
Your bright face appears
And I trip
Falling down
And I find you
Catching me
Saving me
You wrap me in you
Your warmth
Filling me with new light
And suddenly I'm awoken
And I see how beautiful the world can be
As long as I have you with me.

You and I
Wander off
Into adventure time
Roaming the streets
Pointing at things
We like
Our hands laced
Smiles spread
Across our face
Here we are
Somewhere
Yet nowhere
Feeling so
Free
Just you
Just me
Roaming
The world
For always
And
Eternity.

In my empty room


Someone tried to get my attention






                                                                               *Pssssss

I'm human
And because of that
I sometimes take
The best things in life for granted
I sometimes don't realize how
Amazingly attractive you are
But I see it now
You are precious to me
Your amazing
Your kiss is amazing
Your eyes beautifully amazing
Your hug amazingly comforting
Your touch pleasurably amazing
You and everything you are
Is simply amazing
I know this and the world does too
Your simply magical
And I want nothing more
Than to spend my life magically wrapped up in you.

I believe your love is real
Not because you say it is
But because your here now
When everything is weak
When things are horrid
And collapsing
There you are to whisk me away
I'm always safer in your embrace
I believe you love me
Because sometimes
You look at me
Like I'm someone
Like I'm special
Or like I mean something
Sometimes you look at me
Like our whole life together
Is flashing before your eyes
And whenever you come back to reality
You smile
Kiss me
And admit
*I love you.

Enveloped
I am sometimes
Drowning in
This world
For there
Will always be
Shameful parts
Of me
Hidden things
Not even
I like to know
Or remember
About myself
I'm burying it all
In the sand
This is no treasure
No x lies on those
Memories and fragments
I've found an escape route
From this island of me
It was the ship of love
Our ships
Merging
Becoming one
Just as our souls have done
You my love
Are and always will be
My prince
My knight
My rescuer
And one day
My husband.

I hope this *****
Is talking to herself
Because I wanna punch
Her in the ******* face
Or at least cuss her out.

For me
You represent
Every aspect of my life
The past
Where I was a different girl
Weak and obsessive
To afraid to let go
And was madly
In love with you
The present
Where I've grown
Stronger and wiser
The woman in me
Coming to life
Where I've lived through some ****
But still know
Your the one for me
The future
The one we planned
With our marriage
Our will be child
A life together
For the rest
Of our lives.

There's
A good chance
That tonight
As I take
A shower
I'll be thinking
Of you
My love.

My anticipation
Is quite
Exciting
Yet frightful
For
You never
Truly know
What the future holds.

I
Think
My
Body
Needs
Yours
To
Penetrate
It
Now.

I almost don't
Want the year
To end because
In the end
I got what I wanted
A new beginning
Might bring
A old ending.

While
Home
Breaks
Me
You
Keep
Me
Complete
For
You
Are
The
Home
Fo­r
My
Soul.

I want you forever
Not just momentarily
It may seem selfish but I need you
Your the only one who hasn't manipulated me
You never lied
Or tried to use me
You were my best friend
No one has compared to you
I don't know why but
It was always you
My whole life
All I wanted was love
And I found it with you
With you I never have to try
To be someone I'm not
My heart wants you
You were always more
Than a friend or boyfriend
You we're my survival
My future
I've only been happy in my life with you
Because Joshua you know it was always you
Through all my mistakes
Through all the bad choices
One thing stayed the same
I loved you
I still do
Forever
And Always.

Each time you
Ask me
What if this was a dream?
I ache to be closer
Because it's like a warning sign
That I'm gonna wake up soon
It's as though your saying goodbye in those words
And I inch closer
Trying to reassure myself that
You are real
Your kisses
Your touch
Your love
Hell even your presence
It's hard to imagine just waking up
To find all this was a dream
A magically heart breaking one
I swear if I wake up
From some medically induced coma
And discover none of this was real
My life would end
Because my heart
Would have to reason to keep pumping.

I think
Last night
I dreamed
Of the dark
Corner of my mind
No light was there
And I snuck in
With some unknown
And never before seen
Imaginary guy
And after paying off
The random thugs
With a crumpled five
He and I reversed into a corner
Knowing the things that'll go on
Knowing **** well
What a man and woman do together
In a dark abandoned space
And just before I woke
Just before I witnessed their sin
I hear the maniacal laughter
Of the evil part of me
Invading even my dreams.

I love you
Please believe me
My love for you
Has always existed
It's always been true
It runs so deep in my veins
You will always be my first love
And hopefully my last as well
Understand no one has ever
Made me feel the you do
I love you through and through
I simply cannot imagine my life without you
Stay mine forever and always
And I swear to always be here
Always love you my darling,my dear.

I want to
I wish I could
But the past
Ruined me
And every time
I try to
My body
Screams not to
I'm sorry
I truly am
I really do want to
But I'm not there yet
Give me a little more time.

He claims to love me
But still holds hope
For me to morph
Part of who I am
He can't get it
Through his
Thick lovable skull
I believe in God
Not the Bible
I cannot commit
To being Christian
He can't face the fact
I'm bisexual
But still love him madly
And I know he's afraid
I will not go to heaven with him
I know he fears I'll leave him for
A woman
But I swear he's my one and only
I hope foolishly
He'll move past all this
But a part of me fears
This problem won't go
And he'll leave me because he
Is simply too afraid.

Sometimes
I find
Myself wishing
I could be everything
That you want
Everything you deserve
Everything your looking for
I wish and wish
But I'm still just
Me.

I feel forgotten
And unacknowledged
I can hear the blade
Silently calling my name
And I whisper back
*Soon my friend.

You repeat
Yourself
"Your the only one I've given a second chance to"
I know
I know all my sins
All my mistakes
Because for months
I crawled into my bed
Crying
Trying to forget
But know here and now
I've given you another chance as well
And this is far more than your
Second
Please babe
You've hurt me before
If it happens again
I simply cannot turn back to you
No more hypocrisy
Just love me
Just let me love you
**** the **** past
It ******* us both over
The past got us so ******* up
It's hard for us to appreciate what we have
And all we can have
Please try
Try to forget
Forget with me.

When you
Were with her
It was my final draw
I had reason for hate
My anger grew
Pain ached in my chest
And I ignored it
Because caring about
You and her
Would've been
Admitting I still cared.


*Now I know I did

Every New Years Eve
Since that first one
Where I admitted
To myself that I loved you
Has been invaded
By my own misery
My own tears
For you always were away
Never mine
And though you are now
Your there in your prison
And here I stay in my jail cell
Locked away
Still aching for you
At least this year
My resolution doesn't
Have to be to stop loving you
But to keep loving you
Well...
As long as you love me
This New Years Eve
I'll be sulking
But only because
The memories always invade
And at midnight if I am awake
I'll be wishing for your kiss
Because I've never been kissed on New Years.

Thoughts of you
Float on by my mind
But I refuse to
Revert to old ways
Where thoughts of you
Never went away
They never went away
Three years straight
It was you
You
You
Infectious
And never ending
My love is still true
But its no longer
The only life in me
It is not what
Creates me
It's simply a crutch to hold me
When I feel like I'm falling
My thoughts are of you
But dreams remain
Without that face of yours
Because of that I know I'm safe
At least for now.

My mind
Evilly
Bombards me
With thoughts
Doubts and fears
Whispering to me
Asking if I'm sure
About his love for me
Am I sure he's been faithful and true
Does he want out on this
My heart just squeaks out
Its worry
For it'd surely be destroyed
If he left me
Stopped loving me
Gave up and left
I don't know
What to do
My mind
And my heart
Are missing you
So much
That they worry
And my body
It's just antsy
Because it misses your touch
Everything will be better
Once I see those eyes of yours
For there lies all the answers I need.

I want to go
Wherever it is
That you are.

I want to escape
From my home
Because at this age
It feels more like a prison.

I want you
To be with me
For us to be free.

Free to make love
Marry
To live our lives
And just be together.

I just want
**Want You.

I want to
Grow
Old with you
One day
I want the ability
To say
That I've
Lived most
Of my life
Married
To you.

The love of my life.

My one and only soul-mate.