Your walls
Half collapsed
Unsure
To rebuild
Or let them fall.

My walls
I don't know
Do they exist?

Perhaps in my fear
Of your absence
They remain
Because leaving
Is always a worry.

Perhaps in my tears
My walls exist
Afraid that
Physicality
Will rein supreme.

But I have no doubt
Any longer
Of your love for me
You've proven it
And If anything
I can rest
Knowing
Your love
Is as real
As mine for you.

I love him
Want to marry him
Live with him
Make love with him
Have a child
Get a cat
Raise that little kid
The kitty too
I want to show him
A good time
In this ****** up world
I want to fall asleep
Each night
With him
And wake up to his smile
I want to grow old with him
We must change
Change comes with age
But at least this time
If we're lucky
We'll change together.

They try
To lure me
Back
Like I
Was so overjoyed
The first time around
I know they saw
How broken
My face looked
And I just repeat myself
Over and over
No
I can't
Because there's too much
At stake
There is no reason
Good enough
To ever go back
I just want to be with him
Cuddle close
Fearless and strong
Growing to be better
With him by my side.

My time
With you
Is precious
And no
Matter how
We spend it
I'll always
Be happy
And content
Because no matter
What we're doing
I'm with the one I love.

I can't
Sleep
Tonight
So I
Wish
You were
Here
Because
You never
Seem to
Sleep
And it'd
Be nice
To try
To sleep
With you.

Maybe I'm being
Overly zealous
But sometimes
When you kiss
Me in the street
We're cheered on
Faces of disbelief
For our sudden
Battle of tongues
Been told it's okay
Rock on
As though
This its normal
Sure some people
Wonder
What the ****
Or get a room
But we're always
Cheered by another
And maybe they know
How good we are together
Perhaps they see
That you and I
Aren't just young lovers
But eternal ones as well.

I hate
Our time
Away
And I
Can't wait
For the day
When you
And I
Can come home
And find the other.

I fell asleep
Last night
With a smile
Because your
Voice soothed me
Into a peacful sleep.

I'll smile
And feel my heart
Be freed
As I sign
My name
My new name
For that first time.

Your shirtless today
All day
And
I
Can't
Help
But
Smile
In
Complete
Disbelief.

Your Kiss
Always Breathless
Even From That First Day
When You Kissed Me
And It Was Raining
And We Were So Nervous
I Loved It
Loved How You
Made Me Feel Like Yours
Now I Await
For The Next
Rainfall
So Maybe
You'll Kiss Me Again
And I Can Pretend
I Didn't Have To Wait
Three Years To Feel It Again.

You look at me
When no one else sees
But when your
"Friends"
Are around
You make
Those annoying
***** noises
Like nothing exsisted
Like we never
Smiled
Or laughed together
Like we didn't flirt
Or have something
Your ashamed
Everything got ******* up
And that's okay
Because I know you
Almost asked me out once
I know
You use to want me
It's okay
I found someone
Not ashamed.

Joshua Blackmire
Whose child I'll one day sire
Whose soul I love and admire
Whose words inspire
Whom I cannot call a liar
Who makes my heart fly higher and higher
Whose hand never seems to tire
And whose touch that lights my soul afire.

As close as I
Am never feels
As close as I can get
I want to cuddle
Into you
And pour out
My soul
Like I always do
I want to cry
So happily
As I think about
Our marriage
And
Our child
Our life
Our eternity.

Even a friend
Can use you
Someone well known
Corrupted and destroyed
Coming for you
Even a friend can
Break promises
And have ill conceived
Points of reason
A friend
Can become a
Under cover enemy.

My sorrow
And apology
Rings true
My tears
Heavy but
Genuine
My love
More real
More honest
Than anything
I've ever known
Or have ever felt
Believe me
When I say
I want nothing
More than
To spend
The rest of my life
With you
Growing old
Creating an
Amazing story.

It's his pain
That makes
Me want
To end it
Or go back
To my blade
So I can find
Some comfort
Some release
If any at all.

Whenever I cry
Whenever we fight
I get so scared
That I'm losing you
But you hold on tight
And prove you'll stay
You kiss me and
I find that
We need each other
More than ever
Because when
Things hurt
Or fall apart
Even if only
For a moment
Lust takes over
Pure desire
And I think
We just need
Each other
To touch
To kiss
To hold




But never miss.

Don't
Don't
Have ***
With me
Please
Oh please
Just
Make
Love
To me
Love me
Please
Make love
To me
For the
Rest of my life.

Let me admit
I felt
Awkward
And twisted
It'd been a year
Even longer actually
And yet I did it
At your request
I did
And again
A thousand times more
Only for you.

I want
To explain
As much as I can
About everything
Everyone
But there resides
An ache
Knowing it'll
Break more of me
As well as set me free
As for him
I fear he and I
Will never be the same
For how can a man
Look at his bride
And know her past
Was full
Of whorish
Memories
That still
Make her life seem
Worthless.

My love for you
Is infinite
I could not
Bare it
If you left
Me
I could
Not bare it
If you left
My heart
Is so
Desperate
For the future we've created.

Used up
Again
And again
So I push away
From the only kiss
To make me weak
Because I fear
The love has dissipated
And all that remains
Is carnal lust.

I'm just afraid
One day
You won't
Be there
When I
                     F
                       A
                            L
                               L
And nothing
Will hold me together
And I
Will just
B R E A K


My life without
You is so
Meaningless
So please
Stay
Don't let me
Hurt
Don't let me
C
O
L
L
P
A
S
E

Let me cry into you
With no questions
Just hold me
Kiss me
Let me stay yours
I need you
Now
More than ever before.

Eternally grateful
Am I to God
For not only
Putting him
Into my life
But for keeping
Him here
Because when
Death comes
He swats him
Away for the reaper
Is weak for those
Who defy him.

Finally I lost you
I knew it'd happen
Because in my life
Nothing good ever stays
Nothing ever lasts
I wish you'd love me
But I knew all day
It would end this way
And a blade would find my skin
Because without you I'm fin.

I cried all day
Wanting
So many parts
Of my life to a dream
But the more I cried
The more I knew
I can't erase it
Just hope
There is ONE
Person
Just one
Who would understand.

I'll be sent
Straight to hell
Riding the red wagon
Of death
The devil will come for me
Torment me personally
Just as he's done in life
But that's the price you pay for sin
That's the debt you owe
When your someone like me.

If you won't let
Me die
Can I at least
Grab a knife
Pick up a blade
Use my pin
Metal music isn't
Loud enough
It can only release
Some pain
A cut
Might release more.

Today I decided
I want to commit suicide
Today I realized
I need to die.

Just hold me
Close
Hold me tight
And please
Don't let go.

No longer
Will the moon
Bare my name
Only Victory.

I need you
Because I love you
But I need you because
Your touch is the one
Of a lovers
Your love is that of one too
I need you because
The future I see
Is only made up of you and me
And of course baby spencer
Or serenity
I need you
Now
Forever.

I really need you
But she
Needs you more
Go
And say goodbye
For me too.

Inside
I feel
An
Ache
And
I
Wish
It'd
Leave

Would you hug me in front of everyone
Tongue kiss me like no ones watching
When everyone is
Would you wipe away the tears
Would you care if I cut
Would you pleasure me
And expect nothing in return
Would you understand me
When I'm sad
And emotionally gone
Would you comfort me when I'm stressed
Or try to make it all better
Would you accept me
My beliefs and morals
Would you write for me
Would you cry for me
Would you tell me your story
Even if it hurts
Would you be there to take away the pain
Would you care for me
Would love me at all
Would you love me enough
To plan our future together
Like he does
Or will you turn and run like you always do
Whatever you decide
I'm lucky he's still by my side.

**** it hushboy
Your eyes that sting
Like venom
**** your dimples
Because they're
So apparent from afar
**** you and
You devilish hate
In a past life it would've
Worked out
But in this world
You and I are enemies
With history
Where I used to care
And you
Who the hell knows
But all is over
And now all I receive
Is your
Venomous stare.

I can't help
But think
If only
You had
Come back sooner
I would be innocent
I wouldn't have fallen again
I wouldn't be looking back
I wouldn't have cried
Or cut
I would still be obssesively in love
And maybe you and I
Wouldn't be here now
Together
So maybe all happened
For the best
Even if it hurt
It helped us grow
Stronger
Helped us see
How we're
Perfectly meant to be.

You
Asked me
To be yours
Forever
And with
A flutter
In my heart
And a smile
On my face


I said yes.

You asked me
To be yours
After we talk
Caught up
Made out
And I said yes
With such
Limited emotion
Because I
Couldn't say no
Not to you
Not to that kiss
No one has ever
Kissed me like that
It had been so long
Since I felt its sweetness
For I never had a kiss
Like that except the days before
You left me.