She loved you when you left her in the rain after you kissed

She loved you when you were with other girls

She loved you when she was *****

She loved you when you didn't believe her

She loved you when you were together

She loved you when you promised they'd always be

She loved you when you broke those promises

She loved you when she took you back

She loved you when you betrayed her

She loved you when you left her

She loved you when she forgave you

She loved you when you came to live with her

She loved you when she fell asleep beside you

She loved you through every fight

She loved you when you said you weren't sure about marriage

She loved you when you said you weren't sure about fatherhood

She loved you when you talked to another girl

She loved you when you defended her

She loved you when you broke your own rules

She loved you when you lied to her

She loved you when you weren't kissing her anymore

She loved you when you had pity *** with her

She loved you when she woke up in your arms that morning

She loved you when you told her you were leaving again

She loved you as her cheek burned from the kiss

She loved you as you took the picture of you both together

She loved you as you left

She loved you when she visited you

She loved you when you made love a few more times

She loved you when she took you back

She loved you when you said she had to be a secret

She loved you when she said she couldn't and that it was over

She loved you when you stopped messaging her

She loved you when you vanished

She loved you always

She loved you too much

She loves you still.

I saw all the ways you should've loved me
And only heard all the way you said you loved me

Actions spoke baby
And they screamed

You were afraid to love me
Somewhere in between trusting me

And hating me
You became frightened to be us

So when you showed me you loved me
It was hard for anyone to believe
Because for so long you only spoke
Never acted
And even when you acted
You failed to prove

I just wanted you
I wanted to be free with you
To proudly be yours

I spoke
And I acted
I did both at a rampant speed

I had to prove it to you
You had me
I was okay to love
But fear was too strong
And in the end we were both left
Broken and disappointed.

If I run away from you
Then you can never break me

Then I will never have to be
Your almost something

If I run now I'll miss you
But I'll be less broken

I won't have these false hopes
I won't still want you

If I run right now
You won't chase me

If I ever run you won't
No one ever really does.

You thought I had changed
Because I had
We all do
Time passes
And little things change
This is my third evolution
Maybe my fourth
Look maybe I'm not the
Same little girl
Who loved you madly
With more heart than she had
Maybe I'm a new girl
Lost between
Confident
And totally lacking any
Actual self esteem
I'm new maybe not improved
But I'm me
I still have the dark brown eyes
Dark brown curly hair
Same pink lips as those that you kissed
I've grown though
More than just physically
But internally
I won't let you break me
And I'll try not to break myself
I'm newer
Not different
Open your eyes and see me.

She realized she anchored people
Made them feel like staying was a trap
So when they got away
She realized that she was her own anchor
Always trapping herself
Always saying nothing would work
Because lack of faith is what shatters
She realized being an anchor
Was too much weight even for her
So she cut the chains
And she threw herself overboard
So she would never hold herself back
Never again.

The truth,
All the confessions
That she has yet to even tell herself
Are about to burst from within

She feels the fluttering in her chest
The lack of air in her lungs
The boiling in her gut
The tears glistening in the corner
Of her dark brown eyes

The truth is coming
And what she fears most
Is that whatever she does feel
It will not matter
Because no one will be there
To hold her as she cries and confesses
No one will tell her it's okay to love
Or to feel like love is impossible
She fears the truth
She fears herself.

She decided
She would always be alone
Not because she wanted to be
But simply
Because circumstance

She was granted eternal freedom
Eternal loneliness

She said she would be strong

But each night she held her pillow
Just a little tighter
And let just one more tear
Hit it than the previous night.

No, I don't always love myself,
No, I won't always,
Because I make mistakes
And I'm allowed to hate myself for them,
I'm allowed to forgive myself too,
I'm allowed to mourn for myself,
So no, I don't wake up everyday loving me,
I work really hard at it,
I tell myself to smile more days than not,
Because truth is, smiling is hard,
I may not always love myself,
But I still have the capacity to love,
To love with all of me,
Just because I struggle,
Does not mean I do not deserve happiness,
In fact I deserve it more because I struggle,
Maybe I'm not perfect,
Maybe I'm far from it,
But I have to remember,
Even if I don't feel beautiful,
Someone else out there
Might just think I am,
Someone out there might just think,
I am perfect.

You said your other personality
Was the spirit of anger

Well baby,
Didn't you know,
My whole personality,
Is the spirit of love,
Of undying hope

Didn't ya know that girl,
Who once loved you the way I did,
Could never stop

Didn't ya know,
That despite so much anger,
Despite your unwillingness to forgive
Despite every bad day

The spirit of love within me never died,
She lives forever,
She is me,
Love is me,
You cannot **** us,
Cannot knock us down,
We will always stand,
We will always love.

I call others
All the names I use to call you
So it wouldn't itch at the tip of my tongue

But now when I call someone else
Sweetie pie
I think of you

I wish you were at the receiving end

You hated when I called you that and yet

Some days,

You called me it right back

And I knew it would be okay,

That we would be okay another day,

When did I stop being yours?

Maybe one year,
If I'm lucky
I will have a kiss on new years

Maybe one year,
If I'm lucky
I will have someone
To wish me a happy new year

Maybe one year,
If I'm lucky,
I will wake up on January first,
In the arms of a man who loves me

Maybe one year,
If I'm lucky,
The fireworks will not remind me
Of the fire in my soul,
That goes unloved

Maybe one year,
If I'm lucky,
I will know of a love,
That will last every year.

She broke her own heart
By loving him

But truth is

She regrets nothing.

My mother asked me
Why do you always take him back?
I said
Because I've faced facts, I love him, always will.
She questioned
Why?
I answered
*I don't have an answer exactly. He's crazy, some days he drives me nuts, but more often than not, when I look at him, I see my future, I see every dream I have ever had coming true. So yes, I forgive him, maybe too much, but I love him because sometimes the best love is one where nothing makes any sense.

I do not regret loving you

Despite the end
Despite all the tears

I loved you

And that was beautiful

Those moments
Were worth every bit of this pain.

They always told me
To just let you go

But how?

How can I let kisses,
Hugs, love making,
Smiles, laughter,
Late night snacks,
Your eyes,
Happiness,
Just go?

Why do they expect me to
Somehow let go of the goodness
Just because some days weren't perfect?

I do not believe in perfection
But **** it,
I believed in us,
Bad days or good,
I believed in us.

I wonder if you watch the clouds too

If you watch them move
And change
Forming new creatures
Within their white tufts

I wonder if they hang above you
And if you look at them
And think of me

I know that every cloud
Seems to remind me of you

It covers the earth in shade
But shines brightly on nice days

You were covered in darkness
But sometimes, on good days,
You smile so brightly,
Held me so tightly,

So yes you remind me of the clouds

You remind me of so much
And so much reminds me of you.

You've exiled me
Ignored my texts

I am no longer a part of you

But let me tell you this

You,
You will always be a part of me

You will always be

My true sweetie.

I have not cut into my skin
In three long years
I didn't need to feel the pain
When I had your words
Your cruel words
Carving into my skin

In between bliss
Stood the cold heartbreak

The words that will always haunt me

The looks that will always shatter

No I do not need a knife

I have your words to slice through me.

I miss you
The cuddles
The video games

You hooked me on cherries and jerky
But I don't really eat that stuff anymore

It makes me miss the night when we stayed up
Playing video games
Watching Tv
And stuffing our faces
With cherries and kettle corn

I miss you
Your kiss
Your hug
Your eyes

I miss the moments
In-between all the wrong ones
Because they were perfect.

You will always be
The kisses in the rain
That will never leave me

You are the symphony of my soul
That never stopped playing
Only went off tune

You are the roots
I am the tree
Without you I wither

Without you
I do not feel the raindrops
Or the music inside me

Without you I die.

You told me
You didn't believe in divorce

Then what is this?

The dictionary says divorce
Also means separation, disunion,

That is what you made us
You separated the remaining pieces

Of our love
You broke our union
The one of dreams

You divorced me

For I am no longer in your life

And that was your choice

Maybe you believe in divorce after all.

I think I hate you
Or hate myself for loving you

How many breaths of betrayal
Did you inhale my dear

Let me **** them out
Let me ride the dark wave with you

I won't let you be alone
Won't let myself forget

Once upon a time
We were happy

We were more than roommates

We were lovers
Wild and free
Roaming the streets
Kissing at every corner

We were friends
Laughing at all our misadventures

We held each other when one
Was distraught

I craddled your body in my arms
And you craddled mine in yours

Our souls forever entwined
Forever my dear

But alas the mortal world
Has once again corrupted
What was once perfectly imperfect love

I cannot sleep without remembering
That you once laid beside me

I cannot breathe without feeling you
Your deep internal aching

That no amount of denying
Will convince me of

You were not perfect
Neither was I

But we loved
We loved

In a way no one else
Can ever make us forget.

Then I wanna go back to him
To the days he actually loved me
To the taste of his mouth on mine
To the man who I dreamed of
More nights than I can remember
To the one who held me
Made me stop cutting
Who once upon a time
Called me beauitful
Called me his paragon
Called me his future wife.