We think we can fix them

We think that the broken parts of them are puzzle pieces we can just reassemble

But in the end all we do

Is love every broken piece of them

So much so that we start to crumble too

So much so that now we need to be fixed too

Now we're both broken

And no one can repair it.

Addiction is a hard thing to overcome

Especially when it's a person

When the waves of nostalgia wash over me

I can't help but let out a sigh of relief

I relish in the past

In the things I can only scarcely remember

And yet that meant so much to me once

I don't know if it's chemical or I'm just insane

But I still have to peel myself away from those memories

Stop myself from reaching out

Because there's no turning back from the next hit and I refuse to start again

I refuse to let myself be broken by another person again.

You broke my heart so many ways

More than than I thought possible

And yet with each shattering I would still tell you how I loved you

And I don't know what's more pathetic

The way I let you break me so often

Or the fact that when I said I would always love you I meant it.

I woke up dreaming of you, as I've done a million times the last 14 years. I had given you another chance in my dreams, a chance to love me, and as always, you leave me. Even in my dreams my heart breaks. I don't know why I still dream about you or even think of you. Firsts mean a lot I guess. I have someone who loves me so unconditionally, in the way that I loved you. I remember that love, so deep I'd do anything just to keep you. I often wonder how you're doing now, if you've finally settled, and if you've found a love that makes you as crazy as I was for you. Passion really hypnotized me, I needed you endlessly and now I know I was filling myself with you to block out all the bad stuff that had happened. Even though that pain still exists from what others have done I've finally balanced out. But sometimes I still think about you, about the way it felt when you touched me. That was always the most exciting part. I'm going to sleep again soon, as one does, and I'm just hoping as pleasant as it is to see your face, that I don't dream of you.

He holds me
And he tells me I'm perfect
Just the way I am

He kisses me enough
To cover every cut I've ever made on
my body

Hugs me enough to comfort any painful words that have ever rung in my ears

He is the other half of myself in every way I didn't know possible.

I want the excitement

The titillation I felt whenever I felt your hand touch me

The passion behind every kiss
And the desire in each breath

I miss the lust more than I miss you.

Every part of me is cracking

And I just don't have enough cement to cover up the holes

I can feel myself breaking more each day and there is nothing that can mend me

Only memories that damage me more.

You were like the ocean
And depending on the season

Your waves would be hot or cold

Did you love me today and crash into me with warmth

Or did you resent me today and crash cold insults into my soul

You were the ocean

And I was the sun

Bonded but never meant to be.