I'm starting to lose faith in "happy"

I believed love would make me happy

It hasn't.

I believed education would make me happy

It didn't.

I believed he could make me happy

He can't.

I even believed the pills would make me happy

They haven't.

I feel as far away from myself as I do from being happy.

Have you ever laid in bed beside someone who loved you and somehow with your whole heart still believed your soulmate was still out there somewhere?

I swear half of you is perfect for me

I swear sometimes when we're in bed together I can physically feel your love

I swear that you wake up everyday and believe you are doing your best

I swear when you smother me in hugs and kisses I want you forever

I swear that you're damaged like me and it heals both of our cracks to be together

But I swear you make some days impossible

I swear some days I'm more disappointed than proud

I swear some days I've cried more than smiled

And I swear I don't know if this really will be forever for us


and that scares me.

Sometimes I hope a car hits me

Just so I have a reason to cry

And if you've ever felt that way

I feel as sorry for you as I do for myself.

We are addicted to people

We fall so deep

We never quite know how to let go.