There are moments
I still long to be in your arms

It's like drinking from a poisonous well

I could drink you all day

But in the end I was hurt

I would hate myself for wanting to go back

But the thirst just grows

And I have to decide

Would I rather hurt or die of thirst.

There's this little me locked away inside my heart

Her jaw open while silent screams attempt to escape her mouth

Her fists clenched and banging against my chest plate

She's so small and so often unheard

And yet she overshadows me

Controls me and every attempt I make to fight back I'm met with her empty screams

Her pure anger at me for disobeying orders

I want to close her jaw

Unclench her fists

And tell her

It's okay that I'm not okay

I'm done fighting who I really am

Just accept my flaws

Because I cannot live up to my own expectations

And I **** sure can't live up to anyone else's.