Victoria Jennings

Victoria Jennings Jun 2017

Each day I think
"What if one of us dies today"
And I know that's a grim way to look at things
But I know if it were to ever happen
I wouldn't want us to be like this
Living separate lives

I don't want to die not knowing if I ever meant anything
And I just don't want you to ever die
Because I love you
And even when I think about dying
I think about you
Not me
Just my life
Just you.

Victoria Jennings Jun 2017

Don't make plans if you can't keep em

To me,
The craziest thing about life is how
You can spend all these years with someone
Have all these memories
Have all these plans about marriage
About children and promises of a forever type of love
And one day it's gone
Because **** got too hard
Because someone bailed and couldn't deal
Because they don't want to fight for any of it

The worst people are the ones who make the plans
And then cancel after getting you excited about them.

Victoria Jennings Jun 2017

Now I'm Seamless

You've been cutting at my heart for years
The smallest remarks or wrong wording
Just tears at the seams of my heart until
There are too many ****** holes for me to fix or fill
And all I wonder is was it an accident or did you plan to **** me all along?

Victoria Jennings Jun 2017

I Wonder

Sometimes I wonder if you see our memories like I do
Flashing by in your mind
Every smile and kiss and tear
All those years
All those precious moments

Sometimes I wonder exactly at which point in those memories
You decided you did not love me anymore

Sometimes I wonder if you knew I loved you
With every single bit of my soul
When you had me sleep in your arms

Sometimes I wonder
If you maybe loved me
If maybe you felt like we belonged together the whole time
Or was it just me?

I wonder if you knew just how many tears
And how much pain I have felt since I met you

I wonder if you know
How hard I tried not to love you
But it's engraved in me
And nothing and no one can etch it away
Not even you hurting me for the umpteenth time

I wonder if you miss me
Because I miss you every morning
And I miss you every night
And **** it I miss you every moment in between

I wonder if you care at all
Or if you've just passed me off as the crazy girl
But f* man I feel like I was just in your bed
And now someone is in my **** spot
And yes that is my spot
Because I can guarantee they don't rub your back
Or let you be the little spoon
Or play with your hair the way you love

I wonder so much
But it'll never be answered
I am just a dumb girl
Who fell in love with a crazy boy
And now we're all grown up
Living these separate lives
And I just can't see myself being happy that way.

Ramblings of a mad woman

Victoria Jennings Jun 2017

Teeter totter

Teetering between
I love you
And I will wait
And I will fight.

Tottering with
I need to leave
I have to stop this love
You'll never love me
You will never fight for us.

I will fall one way or the other
But the in between
Is just as scary
As imagining a life without you.

Not a good one but its been a while and I'm all types of irrational.

Victoria Jennings May 2017

Gotta Live While We Can

My greatest fear
Is that one of us will die
Way too young and way too soon
And the other one will be left
Wishing that instead of wasting our time
Looking for someone else
That we had made things work
That we were meant to be but never can be
What if I don't wake up tomorrow
Will you miss me
I will miss you.

Victoria Jennings May 2017

Anger

For the first time in the years I've known you
I'm finally angry

Angry at all the broken promises
The leaving
The leaving
The leaving
The ending of us
Over and over

I'm angry you made me feel
So special
And you go and toss me aside

I'm angry at every man
Who has seen me as an easy target

Whether for my lack of beauty
Or my heart that is too big for my own good

I'm angry at you
At everyone
At myself for letting it happen

I'm angry for the pain

But most of all I'm angry
Because I know I'll always forgive.