You're the story my heart
Never wants to end.

Somehow we've ended up
As friends again

But friends can't be lovers too

But I see the way you look at me

And it feels like something

I've been wrong before

Is it my love blinding me
Or could our spark still exist?

You hold me so close
I laugh

Wiggle away
And rub your back
The way you love
And it feels right
Why do I always feel so
Complete with you.

Whisper it if you want
But let me be clear
I love you
I would shout it to the world

I love you
Always.

I'm sorry for not praying enough
And when I say your name in vain

I'm sorry for my sins,
Most humans have them

I just wanted you to know
I love you

And even though I don't feel happy
At least in this moment

Please know I'm grateful for what you have given

And I'm thankful for you every day

For sending him to me when I needed him most

He awoke me

And I believe that was your intention

I hope one day

I can thank you in person.

Go ahead
Call me or message me
Tell me how you hate me

And I'll remind you
I loved you when you were afraid to be with me
Because we were only eleven and our peers opinions mattered

I'll remind you that one year later
We had our very first kiss and it was perfect
Except for the part where you moved away
And didn't tell me

I'll remind you that when you called me
I had just suffered statutory **** for the first time
And you told me you loved me for the first time
We were only twelve

I'll remind you
You stopped calling

I'll remind you
You moved back
And dated my friend for a month
And I was so happy she ended up liking girls

I'll remind you I forgave you
I tried to be friends again
I told you about my other ****
We talked about our failed relationships
We were fifteen

I'll remind you it was your idea to meet up and kiss
And how we talked for an hour before I couldn't take any more
And I kissed you and we didn't stop
We never wanted to
But you caught your breath and asked me to be yours
And as scared as I was I said yes

I'll remind you we ditched school only a few weeks later
And you told me you loved me and I never believed you more
Then in that moment by the skating rink
And I almost cried saying it back

I'll remind you that we made love
We made love everywhere and all the time

I'll remind you that three months in
You proposed to me
We were fifteen
And I said yes

I'll remind you that we broke up
On and off for stupid reasons
And that you always ended it
And I always waited for you to change your mind
And you always did

I'll remind you that at sixteen my best friend and her boyfriend
***** me and you thought I cheated
And you hid your revenge for over a year

I'll remind you that we survived months
Of long distance
And with our libido it was hard

I'll remind you when you moved in at seventeen
You promised you would stop leaving me
You would stop breaking my heart

I'll remind you that we stayed up late in the living room
Watching movies until we fell asleep there together
Because at first it was the only way we could sleep together

I'll remind you that your family's opinion of me didn't stop me
From visiting them with you one Christmas

I'll remind you that no matter how many times the darkness
Emerged from you I accepted it

I'll remind you that when we slept together you made me
Spoon you and rub your back and I always would

I'll remind you that you stopped kissing me
Stopped making love and started to pity **** me as
Youtube videos played in the background
And I would cry and go unheld

I'll remind you that you talked to her
After promising not to
Because you broke a lot of promises

I'll remind you I still forgave you

I'll remind you that one morning
You held me
Which you hadn't done in so long
And we woke up just like that
And you told me you were leaving
I didn't cry at first
But I felt every part of me break
More than it ever had before

I'll remind you
You blamed my mom
But she loved you like a son
That's just how she treats her kids

I'll remind you
You asked me out again
Not long after we had make up *** a few times
And I cried because it all felt so different

I'll remind you that with a broken heart
I ended things for the first time from eleven to eighteen

I'll remind you that I wanted to stay friends
That I wanted you to prove you loved me
Because I always stayed when you ended things
And you disappeared like you always did

I'll remind you that our story is messed up
But that we loved each other somewhere in that mess

I'll remind you that you will always be first in my heart
And that nothing can change that

I'll remind you that I forgive you
Because I love you
Because no matter what happens
You're my best friend

You were the first person to show me
Just how happy I can be

You taught me so much
And my heart,
It'll always be yours
Even when I mess up too.

Winters with you were never so cold
Your presence brought an unspeakable warmth
And now I hide under covers wishing your body was there
I miss that warmth
I miss going out in Winter
I miss standing in the middle of the sidewalk and letting the cold air
Just hit us full on because you couldn't resist kissing me
I miss that
I miss Winter...

Fill me with your love stories
Help me imagine the love I cannot have

Fill me with your sorrow and heartbreak
So I feel less alone with mine

Fill me with comedy
So I may laugh for the first time in too long

Fill me every word you have
Teach me what it is to love and to care
Teach me what it is to forgive
Let your ink fill my veins
And let me live a better life.

I found an old Christmas card
And it almost broke me to see
Husband on it
Because you were so **** confident
At one point
That you would be exactly that
And now,
Now we're strangers
And I can hardly remember you holding me
Or when the last time you told me you loved me was
Was it when you left?
Was it after?

This Christmas, like every Christmas for 8 years,
I will wish for you
For your happiness
For us whatever God intended
Because I believe
Once you call yourself that
Maybe, just maybe
You shouldn't be a stranger.