I guess we're both moving on
Both living separate lives

But can you please
Just inform my heart, head, and dreams
They're not listening very well.

Numbness swept over her
She hadn't even realized that she's felt that way
For two days
She knew she couldn't let it continue
So she sat and thought
Thought of everyone who has hurt her lately
God, there were so many
But it's because she always cared so much
And for that, she was always broken
So she thought of everyone who has been leaving her
She thought of the words that made her heart ache
She had to feel it all
And suddenly the hot tears began
And they stung her cheek as she wiped them away
Knowing they wouldn't really stop
For her, there was only the numbness or the tears
But more than she hated those she hated herself for the urge
The urge to slice into herself
It had been four long years without it
And all she could think about was the knife waiting
At the bottom of her purse
That someone left her for defense
Forgetting she was weak
Or maybe not caring
So she teetered between the numbness
And pouring her heart out into a pillow
Hoping one day she will find something to stop it
Hoping the thing to stop it,
Wouldn't be the knife.

You called hatred love
You would tell me you loved me
Right after a fight
Right after you cheated
Right after you talked to her
Right after you left me (every time you left me)
You would tell me we belonged together
After you would turn something you did onto me
My past was labeled as a hall pass for every wrong you did
My cuts for you poison filling my lungs
I could never escape you looking down on me
I was never good enough
But you whispered that I was your paragon
Your queen
So what was I to you?
Evil or happiness?
You were so back and forth
One day it was love
And the next the Reaper appeared
Demeaned me
Said we would fail
You broke me all the time
And I forgave you
Out of love and naivety
You were my whole world
But you broke so many promises
You left me so many times
Can you really say you loved me?