I am alone with my thoughts

they slither around me.....hissing and shooting me
menacing looks

my future gets darker by the minute

all I want Is what everyone else has in excess

love, companionship,  affection....a reason to continue fighting

The solitude will consume me
**** me out

my reward.....
death

what did the universe expect
after years of neglect?

I am oozing with seething resentment and vitriol tonight
This raging beast comes
courtesy of alcohol and years of unrequited affection

I **** and seethe as I sit here typing this out
one stylus stroke at a time

All I wanted tonight was some affection

I deserve it
I truly do

instead the universe gives me nothing

I sit here
thoughts of hurting myself and others flood my mind

I am the opposite of strong
resentment overtakes what used to be merryment and cheer

I am human and god tonight

My intention is not to sound morbid....

I hope my death is a quick and sudden one

I hope my parting inspires people to get together

I hope absence is felt...

because at this moment.....

I feel unimportant, meaningless,
and devoid of companionship

To live in this world
is to struggle

Against....
-the elements
-yourself, mainly your mind
-circumstances beyond your control
-old age
-enemies of all shapes and forms
-disease

we
will be
claimed by one or all
of the above

no one is exempt

so enjoy what time you have

see these struggles as an initiation

see you on the battlefield

Are we destined to commit, to bathe in same mistakes
over and over and over again?

yours truly...STILL
after years and years
still hasn't learned very much

it is my wish for you that
yoy achieve that satori moment
before its too late

Namaste

It's moments like these

moments of exhaustion
moments of sullen solitude
moments of wondering what the point of moving forward is...

When I don't have the energy or motivation
Moments that I can't be strong

that I have you
I have this outlet

you be strong for me when I cannot
I will do the same for you one day

Namaste

What should I do with this one life of mine?*

Should I join a worthy cause?
Should I help those in need?
Should I rob a liquor store?
Should I become a drug addict, then recover from my addiction and *"FIND THE LORD"?
Should I pretend to be something I'm not?
Should I be gay?
Should I be a crossdresser?
Should I **** someone and bury the body where no one will ever find it?
Should I start a family?
Should I be a good father, or a bad one?
Should I live in the city or in the mountains?

Should I believe in god or be atheist?

Should I fall in love?

Should I love or hate my fellow humans?

I just can't decide tonite....
What to do....what to do....