can't stop staring
at those

ocean eyes

it is such
a sad thing
to see
when a girl
falls in love
with the words
he says
rather than
the actions
he makes

i loved you,
and you loved me,
we were totally
meant to be.

but feelings went sour,
and words went unsaid,
and now
there's no one in my bed

but after a while
the small cuts become
big ones
and after a while
it doesn't really help
anymore so
you start finding other ways
to destroy yourself
like never sleeping and
drinking too much liquor and
kissing strangers and
letting your friends slowly drift away

one day it will all make sense

i ask myself
*what am i doing here?

every morning
she thinks
of how he is
and hopes
he's well
every night
she dreams
of his love
she'll never receive


                                                                                                         every morning
                                                                                                                   he thinks
                                                                                                            of how she is
                                                                                                                 and hopes
                                                                                                                  she's well
                                                                                                               every night
                                                                                                                 he dreams
                                                                                                                of her love
                                                                                                   he'll never receive

once i was 7 years old
my momma told me

*"go make some friends or else you'll be lonely"

i fall back

not knowing where
it would take me

today
i saw you.

and it wasn't like
before.

before is over,
before cannot ever
come back.

we're in the
present now, where
we pretend that
"us"
had never even
existed.

i'm lost at sea

"we looked at each other a little too long to be 'just friends'"

tears don't mean you're losing

everybody's bruising

*just be true to who you are

their love was strong.

      but timing was wrong,

              and love decided

       that they didn't belong.

i'm a damsel in distress

go away

i'm fine

i'm just cold

i'm okay

i'm just tired

im not sure which
is worse..missing
you, or the fact
that there's nothing

i can do about it

you said you liked storms,
so i let you in.

turns out you can only handle
a little rain,


                                                                                                and i am a
                                                                                                             hurricane

you may not be
pushing me away

but you're not
fighting for
me either

don't play with my feelings

i find that
i spill my heart out
to anyone who gives me
the slightest bit of emotion

silly me

thinking they actually care

day and night
i am always tired

but at night
i stay up just late enough
until i am exhausted enough
until i can fall into my bed
and into immediate slumber

because i can't stand
to lie in my bed in a dark room
alone with my thoughts
for so many hours

"just tired"
she muttered

but you could tell
it was not just a lack
of sleep

but a lack of hope
and happiness

that made her
act the way she did

let sleep
  

                   like a wave


                        sweep through you


                                     and all trouble


                                                                                    will it filter

im not holding on to old feelings

                                                                                       i just haven't found any
                                                                                                                 new ones
                                                                                                                              yet

it's hard for me to say

i'm jealous of the way

*you're happy without me

don't see me only as i am


                                                                                 but see me how i long to be

i waited and waited.
for minutes.
for hours.
for days.

but all i had was silence.
and with the absence
of your words,

i took it as an answer.

gentle is the night.
the morning light
is too sharp for sight.
batlike, i shall hide,
waiting for the moon to rise.

so still, the world barely breathes,
the moon has painted with silver
the castle on the mountain top.
who within it has the calmness of heart
to watch the star-filled night?

can you stay with me

would you lie with me

and just forget the world

for it is where the worries
meet with all desires complex
and small that materialize
upon your wall.

for i can go outside alone,
amongst the due and feel
at last and one with you.

this brush is slipping,
so i will mouth these words,
fourteen years muted,

"i love you, Hor Chun,"
decorated in sequins, silk
and scarves of incense smoke
like the dolls in Honk Kong
windows.

reel back these strings; weave
a dress of blood silk, a veiled
headdress, a ring.

find me on the next freighter home.

the scratch in your voice

leaves me no choice

and i wont give up,

and i cant give up.