It aches
To know
That in this
Difficult time apart
I cannot suceed
In making you happy
I know you wish you were here
And oh how I wish
That you were too
But in this time apart
I hope you feel my love
I hope that you see
Every laugh and smile as
My attempt to be happy
To prove my love and
Deep affection
My sweet love
I hope that one day
You'll see the world
A little brighter
I wish being yours
Made it so
But you dream
Of happiness
In each others arms
And until that day
Know that I love you
And that you will always
Be my sunshine
My star
In every night sky
You are my forever
And that
Will never change.

Everyday is hard for me
the thoughts the feelings
the desire and longing to it the end
and when will it end
How will this end
How can I go on like this

the lack of sleep is getting worse
the thinking and dreaming of dying and death
that live in my head
the hurting and pain never lefts me

I need you
I need you like oxygen
Or food or water or sleep
Though I’ve made it through stinted periods without you
I always come crawling back in withdrawal
I could call you an addiction, but you aren’t; you’re a blessing
Like I needed the razor I kept in my hoodie pocket
You cut through life’s ******* the same way that blade did
But without bubbling blood up through my skin
The crawl space I used to cry in could never comfort me like you
You pry open my eyes to harsh, enlightening reality
That space was a blanket of blissful ignorance over necessary truth
I could call you an addiction, but you aren’t; you’re a blessing
I always come crawling back in withdrawal
After stinted periods without you
I’ve made it without food or water or sleep
I’ve made it without oxygen
But I need you

Hey, listen.
You hurt me
Really, really bad.
But it’s okay.
It happens.
**** happens.
We don’t always
See the consequences
Of our actions
It’s okay.
And
If you ever decide
To speak to me again
I’ll be right here
Okay?

I like to throw parties
Atypical of most sixteen year olds
With nice homes or
Any semblance of social lives

I like to throw parties
Without that horrid throbbing bass
Free of that hormonal chaos
That reeks on the furniture for weeks

I like to throw parties
The way that God likes to write our fates
Pulling strings to drag the misfits and the dorks
Together in one place

I like to throw parties
Where happiness is what is expected
Laughter is what is anticipated
Cause everyone there is meant to be

I am a sheep wrought with steel wool that’s coarse and painful to the touch
It erupts anything that touches me into a throng of agitated skin disease
So I habitually avoid anyone and anything that nears me with my terrified animalistic eyes
For fear of watching some curious creature bleed because of me and my dangerous idiocy
However as a sheep with sheep tendencies I can’t help but follow after the herd of my family
From a distance; trotting over trodden grass that’s easier on my hooved feet
Than other paths that are less traveled, more dangerous and more interesting
Instead staring at my family’s tail ends with an envy too poignant for my age
As they baa and cackle and coo over their own amusements and mutual understandings
And I find myself wishing woefully that I wasn’t just a sheep with steel wool
But a ferocious wolf, independent and beautiful; merely hiding within an ugly costume