I have been living in the warm womb of solitude
For the past few months of my existence

Enjoying all the numbed emotional experiences my fetus-y form can handle
Feeding off my friends and family to steal their wisdom and words

Stealing their past revelations and independence and growth
Growing pounds like a puppy and gaining inches like a tapeworm

Till my previously battered brain begins to crave
The aches and pains of heartbreak once more

Yearning for the cold, unforgiving air of reality on my newborn skin
After nine months of solitude and twelve weeks of young love

Searching wantonly for the sensations I left behind
Such as the warmth of a girl’s fingers between my own

My mind demands something more rigorous to live through
My mind, a scarred warrior, craves a new challenge

Something for it to be beaten and bloodied and crushed by
Something for it to mourn and learn from and conquer

For you see; the wings within my spine are quivering
They’re rippling with excitement at the thoughts in my head

The thought of finally, finally, finally
Getting back out into the world again

The frustration you get
When you wake up in the middle of the night
And can't fall back to sleep.

You look at the clock,
Hoping,
It'll soon be time to get up.
But then you realize
It's not even near that time.

It's like the sun knows when you're awake and,
Just to be a ******,
Takes its time coming up.

So you lie there...
Trying to get some rest.
You squirm and change positions,
But still...
Nothing happens.

You begin to think about
Your life,
Your future,
The world,
Everything...

Then, all the bad thoughts become worse.
You think...
Maybe something might happen,
Or something may already have happened.

You try harder to fall asleep,
But you can't stop.
Can't stop thinking.
And you feel...
Upset...
Overwhelmed...
And you can do nothing
to stop all the horrible thoughts from coming through.

Then you're at the stage where now,
Your thoughts aren't coming in patterns anymore.
They scatter...
Like a nebula.

So you lie there.
You've given up.
You feel hopeless...
Like no one could ever help you.
So you just wait...
Wait for everything to be over.

They think its only been a few months
Its been years
I've waited
And waited
For you
And I know
Everyday that
I am alive
Is better now
Knowing that after
My LONG
Wait
I got you
Now and forever.

I had a cat named Snowball.

        She died, she died.

Mom said she was sleeping.

       She lied, she lied.

Why oh why is my cat dead?

      Couldn’t that Chrysler have hit me instead?

My friend says I was not a good son
you understand
I say yes I understand

he says I did not go
to see my parents very often you know
and I say yes I know

even when I was living in the same city he says
maybe I would go there once
a month or maybe even less
I say oh yes

he says the last time I went to see my father
I say the last time I saw my father

he says the last time I saw my father
he was asking me about my life
how I was making out and he
went into the next room
to get something to give me

oh I say
feeling again the cold
of my father's hand the last time

he says and my father turned
in the doorway and saw me
look at my wristwatch and he
said you know I would like you to stay
and talk with me

oh yes I say

but if you are busy he said
I don't want you to feel that you
have to
just because I'm here

I say nothing

he says my father
said maybe
you have important work you are doing
or maybe you should be seeing
somebody I don't want to keep you

I look out the window
my friend is older than I am
he says and I told my father it was so
and I got up and left him then
you know
though there was nowhere I had to go
and nothing I had to do

I have wept in endless meadows

while I have plucked

the petals of every single flower

that I have laid my fingers upon

and each time they tell me,

“He loves me not,”

I find another flower.

A comet fell last night

and I saw the universe inside a flower...

the light and darkness full of power...

then God came and said a few words.

and I was left shaking on the floor.