i'm becoming less interesting.
the world is noticing
& so are you.

there are things
i'm unable to escape
there are things
i love and despise
and the feeling is mutual
there are things
i feel guilty about
and wrong without
there are things
that feed on sorrow
and despair would be
their victory feast

and then there are things
that are all of the above
and those things
are one of two things:
addictions
afflictions
and sometimes
when lines in sand
are worn down by wind
when watercolors
run together
when one thing
is a bit too close to the other
something is both

now can anyone
who's seen what i've seen
tell me the difference
between
an addiction
and
an affliction?

You were my salvation
You were my sheild
You were the one who helped me see
I never believed in angels until you believed in me

looking straight up
scared to look down
scared to slip
and fall
off the solid ground

Long, thick sleeves,
pulled all the way over my hands,
in the dead heat of August

Forcing light into my eyes,
so that my fake smile doesn't look
completely dead

The knot in my chest when I shower,
because the hot water stinging my cuts
is a cruel reminder of my pain

Words, written on a paper,
kept in my desk drawer -- secret -- because I have
no one to tell

Hands shaking, as I drag the blade across my flesh,
because pain is the only thing
I can feel anymore

Do you still think I just want attention?

At this point, I can't tell the difference between love, and pain.
Or between my heart, and my brain.
Or between my tears, and drops of rain.

At this point, I can't tell the difference between dark, and light.
Or between wrong, and right.
Or between blindness, and sight.

At this point, I can't tell the difference between you, and me.
Were the same, you see.
We both just want to be free.

there's no way to be the truest
when you think about it
every blue is sky blue

far to close for comfort,
but it feels so right.
heart beating like a hummingbirds wings,
but i feel so calm.
both eyes open,
and i can't see you clearly.
but you look nicer like this,
all you sharp edges
soft to my blurred vision.
lines are wavering,
colors swirling together,
but never has anything seemed so clear.

she didn't know how to read
but she loved to look
at page after page
of book after book
each letter was so beautiful
she decided to teach herself to read
so she could learn what each beautiful word meant
she went back to her books
after she learned every letter
but she discovered
that if you knew what those words meant
they weren't so pretty anymore.

I am a broken glass.
I used to be filled with life, which I was happy to share.
But when I fell, I fell hard.
I broke, and all the life drained out of me.
And since I'm empty inside, I am tossed in the trash.

It's better to burn out bright,
than to fade away.
Better to be swallowed in an inferno,
than to be swallowed in emptiness.
Better to leave behind smoke and ashes,
than to disappear without a trace.
Better to leave the world with a reminder of you,
than to leave as anonymous as when you began.

You can't live like this
You can't love like this
In bursts...
They'll think you're dead
They'll bury you
Before your heart beats again

i feel so small
when i'm on my own,
when i'm falling apart,
when i'm melting down.
it's terrible.                                i feel so small
                                                   when i'm with you,
                                                   when you hold me together,
                                                   when i melt into your arms.
                                                   it's wonderful.

you remind me of someone  from one of my past lives
so pardon me if I stop and stare
and I'd like to take the time to get to know you better
but I've got no time to spare
you seem unaffected by the gloom of other people
so wherever you are in life, I wish I was there

staring
at a plain white ceiling
eyes burning
hands frozen
not moving
not blinking
not thinking.
what's the point?
4:06 AM
why sleep?
why do anything
but stare
at a plain white ceiling?

drawing is easy when you're tracing
tracing over lines from long ago
lines from different mediums
different circumstances
different art
tracing over old lines
with new methods
is a new form of art

What is this that I'm feeling?
Just a chemical reaction?
Dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin?
Is this all just a science?
Something that can be manufactured in a lab?

It can't be.
How can something that feels so real be so easily fabricated?

Most people see the world in black and white
They don't even know what color is
Thats because they don't try to see color
They close up their minds and turn the world into greyscale
But if you let yourself think
If you let yourself feel
You can see a whole world full of color

Don't feel ashamed.
Don't feel guilty for the pain.
Sometimes you build your hopes up,
And they fall back down again.
The time we had was magic,
Your love was not in vain.
Falling down's as common as the rain
-David Wilcox

when every white rose
starts to bleed red
sane becomes a bore
the nonsensical feels right
the cheshire grin at night
isn't alarming anymore

when mercury becomes
one with your blood
the hatter makes more sense
broken watches seem exact
fairy tales become fact
your mind is your only defense

when every head case
every basket case
makes you feel safe
maybe it's time to stop
pretending to belong
in the world of the sane

one day there will be others
a constellation
you won't be the only one anymore
but you'll always shine the brightest
and in my mind
the ones yet to come
will be ghosts of you

one day there will be others
a constellation
you won't be the only one anymore
but you'll always shine the brightest
and in my mind
the ones yet to come
will be ghosts of you

Pain is a monster.
Control it,
fight it,
isolate it.
Lock it away
in a padded cell,
Silence it,
ignore it.
Don't let it spread.
Don't let it take over.
If you become your pain,
they treat you the same way,
like the monster you are.

love is like the diamond industry
your love particularly
because you withhold
so your product can be oversold

the world looks different
not better
not worse

when you open your eyes wide
and stop trying to piece together
your life between eyelashes

it's not good
it's not bad
it's just real


for the first time i can see you
the way you are
i can see what i tried to hide from myself

i was scared
now i know
you look...
different

why do you wait until i've fallen
to try to hold me up?
why to you wait until i'm broken
to try to hold me together?
why do you only meet my eyes
when they're swollen and red?
is that when i'm worth noticing,
when my heart is all but dead?

Dreams are not real.
But they can be if you make them happen.
Nightmares are not real.
But if you make them real, they will be more real than dreams.
It's up to you.
Make your dreams come true, or let your nightmares become reality.

She's trying to **** me.
She's my biggest enemy.
She makes me feel worthless.
She makes me feel alone.

She chases away my friends.
Now it's just me and her.
I can't escape from her.
That's because she is me.

i you're planning
to hold your breath
until you get
what you want
then take a deep breath
'cause your lungs
won't fill again

"i'm an open book"
but what's the hidden text?
are you simply a nursery rhyme,
or something much more grimm?

i guess she got under my skin
and i tried to cut her out
maybe by the time i wake up
i'll have bled her out of my system

i'm trapped between life and death and uncertainty
my head always feels like i'm stuck hanging upside down
a quantum dream in which anything is everything and nothing
reality seems to have been all but unwound
i'm coughing up smoke as i drown

the TV screen static
is burned to the insides
of my eyelids and now that is
all i see when i close my eyes

constantly dreaming,
but never asleep
it feels like i'm floating
but i'm sinking deeper and deeper
into my mind
leaving behind
all that i used to call real

countless epiphanies met in between train tracks
entropy and insanity conspiring to wear me down
walls full of polaroids and bottles of prozac
crying out for help in the middle of a silent town
i'm coughing up smoke as i drown

the microphone feedback
is stuck in my ears
when the sky is jet black
the noise refuses to disappear

constantly dreaming,
but never asleep
it feels like i'm floating
but i'm sinking deeper and deeper
into my mind
leaving behind
all that i used to call real

concertos played on
nothing but black keys
incandescent light bulbs
dangling from trees
i'll write about this wonderland
if i ever make it home

**i'm leaving behind
all that i used to call real

teardrops on lashes
and knives going missing
bright crimson blood stains
arms scratched and tongues bitten
gritting your teeth
when it begins to sting
why are these some of my favorite things?

two pairs of eyes
exchanging
static shocks
tiny sparks

  shaking hands
  aching heads
  cease to matter
  anymore

    pinpricks
    painless pain
    in skin
    in blood

      your heat is
      all that matters
      you're here
      i'm glad

"so how do you feel?"
"fine."
"so what do you feel?"
"nothing."

I woke up cold this morning
and I had an old song in my head
all my friends are moving on
and I'm 12 steps higher but not any further ahead
daily the ghost of you
haunts me in the strangest ways
all my friends are moving on
and I'm 12 steps higher but not any further away

does the gloom of other people surround you
does the fog make it harder to breathe
cause I know I can suffocate in ideas and emotions
along with all the lies that I believe

there's a murmur just below the surface
there's a tingling just beneath the skin
all my friends have outgrown me
and I'm growing upwards too but not within

does the gloom of other people surround you
does the fog make it harder to breathe
cause I know I can suffocate in ideas and emotions
along with all the lies that I believe

I woke up cold this morning
and I had an old song in my head
all my friends are moving on
and I'm 12 steps higher but not any further ahead

does the gloom of other people surround you
does the fog make it harder to breathe
cause I know I can suffocate in ideas and emotions
along with all the lies that I believe

I can't say "I'm sorry"
I can't say "I love you"
I can't say "Don't go"
So I guess I'd better say "Goodbye"