After I die, I will remain-
Still on Earth,
but even more powerless than before.
And I will see those I love
fall to pieces,
powerless to help them.
I will stand by,
a ghost,
and watch the mess I left in my wake.
I will see what I love
destroyed
in the worst possible way-
From the inside out.
My Personal Hell.

You are my addiction,
my pain,
my Achilles Heel.
You are the reason I loose sleep,
the circles under my eyes,
the weight on my shoulders.
You are my painkiller,
and the reason I need it.
You are a cycle
in which I am trapped.
You are tearing me apart,
but I let you,
because something about it
is the only thing
that makes me feel alive.

My life was stuck in greyscale
Until you came along
With beautiful watercolors.
You painted the skies
With amethyst and sapphire
With coral and azure.
You painted the autumn trees,
With amber and titian
With hazel and maroon.
You flooded the dark oceans
With turquoise and navy.
You sprinkled the grey mountains
With shimmers of flaxen sunlight.
My entire life exploded
Into an exquisite rainbow.

And then you left.
And the radiant world
You had painted for me
Slowly faded
Back into anaemic dust and gloom.

Pain is a monster.
Control it,
fight it,
isolate it.
Lock it away
in a padded cell,
Silence it,
ignore it.
Don't let it spread.
Don't let it take over.
If you become your pain,
they treat you the same way,
like the monster you are.

It's said that people fall out of love
For the same reasons they fell in love
All the things I love about you
May someday make me despise you