On my bed thinking
Instead of drinking
Of a few things
As Cody Jinks sings
Of someone's perception
Of his devilish misconception
I can relate to his song
It's been so long
Since I was innocent at all
I made a choice to fall
To fall out of grace
My soul is out of place
I could feel every piece of me
Disappearing so painfully
I didn't fight my descent
I just fell with all consent
It's strange I didn't fight
That keeps me up thinking all night

I feel broken
So weak
Can't carry on
So tired
Hungry and alone
All hope is gone
Confused each day
Scared I guess
Not much to say
No point to try
My dreams expired
Sitting here lost
Can't stand myself
Who cares why
All pride disappear
No good at all
Motivation has transpired

You and I
Had to die
It's over now
Tell me how
We ended here
After every year
We felt stronger
But no longer
Was it me
Acting cold heartedly
Was it you
Being so untrue
The two wrongs
Same old songs
Two lovers scorned
Lying here forlorned
On this ledge
I did pledge
My soul forever
But now never
Our bond broken
Pain has spoken
I'll leave today
Nothing else to say
I'm finally ready
Since you left already

If I could be
A different me
A bit more kind
Would I find
My true feelings I conceal
Would I still be real
Do I have to be brash
Let my intolerance crash
Would respect still be there
Should I care
If others are weak
Why should I seek
A calmer path
Withhold my wrath
Can I execute my objectives
Keep things in perspective
Look outside myself
Put my rage on the shelf
Am I a gentle soul
Is this giving up control
Is this fear I'm feeling
That has my mind reeling
So I take a step back to observe
My opinions now i must reserve
Whether it's fair or not
I'm on the spot
There watching my every move
What do I have to prove
They will wait for me to slip
It's cool for now I'll bite my lip
Revise a better strategy to prevail
I'm not the one to play I won't fail

In a fight
Try I might
To prevail
But I'll fail
It's with you
Is it true
With your control
Of my soul
I gave all
Just to fall
In this trap
As I tap
Your shoulder
You grow colder
Your little slave
I'll behave
Torturing me so
Let me go
If I fight
Tonight
You'll still be
Enslaving me
Driving me insane
I need pain
Only thing real
Just to feel

See my scars jagged and deep
No more tears shall I weep
Those words hold no power
My heart locked in this tower
Catch a glimpse of what I feel
A gift no need to steal
Left me here so alone
So cold a beautiful stone
Selfish I in which way
Simply because I deflect what you say
Your little puppet not I
A prisoner tortured I
I escape to my tower
To seek peace not to cower
I may suffer but my beauty will not die
I may not weep but I still cry

Shaking your head
From what I said
The words sting
Describing everything
We threw away
I would stay
But the choices made
Cut like a blade
Betrayal and lies
The love a disguise
For all the pain
With nothing gain
From this affair
I did care
I might seem strange
But things change
Everything comes to an end
You were my friend
Now I must go
If it was real I’ll never know

I feel
Yet I don't show
Do you know
Take it slow
It's a trip
Heartbeat will skip
Pulse rising
Emotions surprising
Time spent
Worries seem irrelevant
Frowns set upside down
Tears from laughter
Pain no longer lingers
Journeys with our fingers
Sensual embraces crashing
Misery falls smashing
Haters tossing slander
Still with the candor
A fighter speaking without fists
Devotion will persist
Learning to heal
As we feel

I woke today
Just like everyday
Continuing to hide
The loneliness inside
All the bad things
This world brings
Testing your strength
To its furthest length
With every challenge
As we manage
To keep shaking
The anxiety waking
While trying to maintain
Those thoughts we contain
While emotionally paralyzed
Keeping our heart sterilized
Can’t be close again
Or let another in
It’s the better call
No opportunity to fall
This is how I feel
I’m just being real
I had a plan
To be a better man
I’m not always right
I still try to fight
When I should just listen
But I still learn from every lesson

As the last dollar falls
The bartender shouting last call
The conversations ending
The back up texts are sending
Dodging the hammered stumbling
Sorting out drunken mumbling
The faces look different in the light
Can tell they been out all night
Having to finish my beer
Time to get out of here
It was fun while it lasted
So many years getting blasted
Going to make that taco shop run
That drive is going to be some fun
Follow those blurry lines to the pad
Talk about the crazy *** time i had
Always a new adventure my friend
Doing this **** every weekend

When I say I don't give a **** it means so many things not just the negative inference usually connected with it it means things are still going good it means that person can't stop my progress it means I won't quit it means my future will be better it means my past was just that it means that my pain will heal it means I'm strong as **** it means my kindness isn't wasted it means I'll give you space it means I'm not tripping I'm good it means those ugly people don't matter it means I'm down for whatever it means that when I say I don't give a **** I'm just being clever I don't give a **** whenever

You will never hear me say
I hate my life today
I made this decision
I was on this collision
With everything on my mind
Struggling to find
A little happiness
Always consumed by stress
I think it's so **** funny
Thinking if I had so much money
Would make everything worth more
But I was wealthier when I was poor
Did any woman I made love to care
Did any of them have love to share
I'm inexperienced when I feel
I wouldn't know it if it were real
Does it make sense love is scary
The closer I get the more I get wary
People will say im bad every time
Regardless of every hill I climb
They only see aggression in me
Instead of how I live passionately
It took a long time for me to grow
To let these emotions show
This I don't show I'm always in pain
A work in progress I won't complain
I don't know where I'll be heading
No longer am I dreading
Each morning I wake
Or how long it will take
To find my place and time to rest
I studied my whole life for this test

My steel toes worn
Shirt is torn
Pants covered with dirt
My body always hurt
Migraine keeps pounding
Bosses always hounding
Never enough time
Trudging through grime
People talking ****
So full of it
The heat is draining
All I hear is complaining
By these lazy *** fools
Promises to keep my cool
My integrity in question
Did I forget to mention
I have fun at what I do
How about you

I have intentions
I shouldn’t mention
A simple goal
Experience you whole
Where to start
Tear everything apart
Break you down
From now on
You will change
Might feel strange
Losing all control
Of your soul
You might feel
I’m not real
But I’m fire
Your sole desire
Simply I’m weilding
The tools shielding
You from pain
May seem insane
As I begin
Rebuilding you from within
Relax release your anxiety
Ignore the hate from society
Breathe open your mind
Release what makes you blind