We fight and it is so heated
we say things that hurt and sting
we pang with pain and malvolence
And then we say goodbye.
Not, "Good bye hunny! Love you lots!! <3"
No.
Our good bye is brief and harshly punctuated.
And then we huff and puff and stew
Then we ask questions
At first they are angry questions, ones with no answers
"Why is he/she such a ******* *******?" "Why is he/she so stupid?"
And we stew some more...
Then we ask the right questions.
"I wonder why he/she feels that way.." "Why did I say that?"
And we stew, but in a different way now.
We think with our brains instead of our emotions.
And we begin to realize something important
We do not fight because we want to antogonize.
We fight because we are afraid of losing one another. Afraid of saying the last goodbye.
We mull that thought over and I don't know about you
but tears begin to escapre from my eyes and fall gently to my pillow.
Not racking sobs, just small, meaningful tears
I'm sad because I hurt you
I cry because I really hope I didn't make you cry.
I am sorry and I guess what I really want
is to say that to you.

*I'm so sorry...

I snap and lunge
       big dog on a long leash
I show my teeth
        wolf warning
I claw and paw the ground
         leopard to pounce

I cannot be responsible for my actions
when you back me into a corner
with all of your aggressive reactions.

I'm so afraid
of what you can do,
when even the slightest touch
seems like too much.

I'm full of fear
of the way you look at me.
Gaze full of intensity,
me crying for its brevity.

I'm terrified
of the things you say.
They send me spinning,
reeling, swimming, wishing.

You don't know it,
but you frighten me.

You, who could so easily
reduce me to a trembling mess
at your feet.

It just takes a touch
and you could ensnare, enslave
capture.
I would be hopeless to resist,
but my face would stay brave,
even through your sweet persist.

We created a beautiful work of art.

It shined and glimmered,
glittered and sparkled.
It was magnificent.

It sat on a pedestal,
waiting for the day we hung it up,
safe from  the clumsy hands of others,
out of the way of danger and destruction.

And then I bumped it.
It was all accidental, I didn't know,
just what I'd done.

It wasn't even in slow motion.
There wasn't that moment of hope,
when you think that you can catch it.
It just smashed.

Pieces were everywhere.
Tiny glass pieces littered the floor.
I wept and you angered.
You never forgave me.

I tried to pick the pieces up.
They cut my fingers,
no longer the picture of beauty,
but of harsh reality.

I put our piece of art back together,
as best I could.
What did you do?
You threw it back to the ground.
Again I worked to fix it.

Over and over, I presented you with
what I thought we were, what we could be still.
Over and over, you threw it to the floor.
I kept telling myself that the cuts and the pain
would be worth it. Don't give up.

I've learned that, no matter how hard I try,
I can't fix it.
Not on my own.
I need your help. Won't you help me?
Don't you remember what we were?
Do you remember that beautiful
shining
glimmering
faceted piece of art that we made?

No?
Well, I'll keep trying.
Let me know when you want to
lend me a pair of gloves or,
even help me pick up some pieces.

Anger Rages Throughout
Not One To Back Down
Won't Be Defeated

You Call Me A Liar
You Say I'm Delusional
You Don't Know The Half Of It

I'll Take You On
I Cannot Lose
I'm Stronger Than You Think

Try And Break Me
Do Your Worst
Bring It On

No Chance Of Winning
I Know Your Game To Well
Quit While You Can
**Save Yourself The Effort

Even if I were to study Kinesiology,
it couldn't give me the slightest hint
as to why you move, the way you do.

I could listen to a sub woofer's bass,
and it still couldn't give me a trace
of the things that make you
feel alive.

And even with scissors,
I could never cut out
from a cloth
just why you are the way you are.

The patch cord that you play with
amps up the sounds I hear,
and yet I could not ever
hear a single tear.

To me you are a subway station,
busying about, seeing me there
but not seeing me clear
A small blur, in the corner of your eye

To you, I am there then gone again
But to ignore you? I couldn't even pretend.

I hear you twittering away in the background.
You sing to yourself a lot, did you know?

                                                  I see you tapping on your leg
                                                  I love the way you sound, did you know?

I smell the scent of old wood and music on your collar.
You carry it around with you, did you know?

                                                I feel you holding my heart in every word.
                                                You keep it alive, did you know?

I taste sweet love on your lips.
It is pure and intoxicating, did you know?

                                   Did you know that every little thing
                                      you do drives me a little crazier?


                                    Crazy in a good way, did you know?

Favorite things are fickle
the thoughts trickle
from your mind
and you step in a pool
of what once was divine

I wonder how long I
will stay upon your mind
how long shall I grace your thoughts
before you hit rewind?
Or maybe you'll press fast forward
...just forget about our time

Time will be our test
To outlast the rest
I want to be your best

So will you get your feet wet?
What will you regret?
Whatever you may think
I'll hold your heart
don't fret

They told me not to get involved
                 it wasn't for me to be meddle
Don't say anything
                 it will blow over
I didn't say a thing

She giggled and laughed
                he smiled and flirted
I was told not to say anything
                this can be skirted
I didn't say a thing

I was told to keep quite
                "you don't want to lose him
because he thinks you're clingy"
                 I shouldn't have listened
I didn't say a thing

I lost what was mine
                 to a girl with no morals
she took off with his heart
                 and left me regretful
*I wish I said something

I don't know if you still read this
But if you do
Please know that I'm sincerely sorry
For what I did to you.

I hope that you've moved on
And you never think of me
But I still cry over you
For hours, like I'm three

It tears me up inside
Because I didn't get to make it right
And it ways so heavy on my mind
That we had to end us with a fight.

I hope you still read this
I need you to know
I want to make this right
I want to let it go.

Oceans try to swallow our new phoenix,
Drown the fire we have created anew.
The waves now become our biggest critics,
So we bide our time, await our debut.
The people talk, as they are wont to do.
We hide our fire inside a secret place.
We keep our feelings purposely askew.
We are not ripe, the world we cannot face.
Time takes a stab at stabbing what we have,
Fate encourages us to wonder. Seek.
We get caught in the middle, half and half,
Yet I know we are beautif’ly unique.
Some things you just leave to Time and to Fate,
But some things are too special to dictate

Forever is a big word
Forever has a lot of letters
Many people can spell it
Few can spell it right

It is promised
It is lost
It belongs in our vocabulary
But is rarely understood

Forever is used with good intentions
Until good intentions
Stab us through the heart

Use carefully
Use wisely
Mean what you say
Say what you mean

The eerie and the creepy,
come out to play in the early,
hours of the night.
If you are afraid of the dark,
stay out of the park

Soon the goblins and the ghosts,
will be your spooky hosts,
waiting on your fears,
serving up your tears

They'll bask in your fright,
for it fuels their night,
taking advantage of you,
then the taunting turns cruel

Stay behind locked doors,
for the graveyards, battlefields, and moors,
are coming back to life,
and looking for your strife

Steel flecks
on my rose of red,
sparkle
like death.

They wink
from my rose of red,
snicker
like jealousy.

Removal is futile
on my rose of red,
they prickle
like envy.

My rose of red
is tainted
by flecks of steel.
Poisoned.

Hear the words roll off
            his oiled tongue
Sweet song spills from
            his cunning mouth
Promises ooze from
            his chattering teeth

Be aware.
Not everything you hear
is a melody.

Thump, tha-thump thump. thump, thump
you just walked past me

Thud, thud-thud-thud, thud, thud
hello just left your lips

Thump, thump, poundpoundpound, thump, thump
your skin met mine for a moment

Beep, beep, beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep---
What would I do if you kissed me?

I wait for your kiss.
A soldier standing on duty.
A touch putting me at ease.
Silently I guard what is left
of my heart.

And I wait
For a sign.
A small child at the crosswalk,
watching for the red hand
to fade away,
So I can go.

I wait for a sound.
A sprinter on the track,
the snap of a bullet,
a race for the ages.

I wait for the thing
that I want the most.
And I wait for the day,
when I know what I want.

I wait,
For you.

I feel like a child
being scolded
rebuked

The next like a woman
being praised
exhalted

With a single sentence
you can grab me by the throat

And with the next
release and make me moan

It is clear to me now
my power next to yours
is a feather in a knife fight

A wispy plight in the face of fright.

It seems to be
that the Lily is exactly what I want.
Its sweet whisperings were too much,
its songs a playful taunt.

It seems I've caved.
I dug out my *****
and dug up my Lily,
I made a quick trade.

Such innocent pedals,
the Lily once did possess,
now lie in shambles
by my urgent caress.

It seems I enjoy lillies,
though I never thought it.
We seem to just click,
and never think to quit.

What of the Rose?
The Rose weeps silently,
its last pedals blackening,
its life fading quietly.

Can love ever confess as much as
kind Natures careful, caring caress can?

I fear what you feel for me
is not as strong as what I feel for you.
That scares me.
This scares me.
You scare me too.

I don't want to be hurt
so I need to know,
can I invest my heart in you,
or am I about to suffer a blow?

The summer sun falls behind
a horizon of fire.
The last light of day
turns the sky into an ocean,
*and I let myself drown.

Golden rays melt
into vast amounts of white
Not a drop of loss was felt
Unfortuneatly that was then
Unfortuneatly this is now

Sparkles used to be the only
Product of the light
When beauty was
just a silent grace
not a silent threat

Ice ruled humbly
A creature at its side
Magnificent and mighty
Paws like frosty boulders
Spirit intertwined with cold

Together they seemed
unstoppable
unbreakable   inseperable
They were unbeatable
So solid

As the gas fills the air
It allies with golden rays
And as the ice shrinks back
weakened, beaten, damaged
The icebear follows suit
Gems of the North are disappearing
going
going
Gone.

Oh, the frosted trees
the North Wind blows
like delicate skeletons
at home in the snow

Sway and shed
your frosty attire
down warm necks
like icy spires

There is fun to be had
in the frost bitten forest
dropping wint'ry surprises
all over the tourists

It is sad to think all fun
must come to an end
as the warm sun smiles
to melt malicious pretend

It was the right thing to do
but, Oh God does it hurt.
I'll never find someone
quite like you.

I'm sorry for everything
I've put you through.
You think I'm right for you.
Trust me, I'm not.

I wish and I hope
with every fiber of my being
that you find your true soulmate.
It isn't me.

Keep searching,
keep looking,
you'll find the right one,
and maybe so will I.

Maybe someday

Lying in bed at night
Eyes wide open
Seeing nothing
Or so we think.

The amazing thing about the dark
Is that there is an abscence of light
And so light cannot tell you what you do
Or do not see.

Reach your hand out into the blackness
Imagine you can go on forever
There could be a pixie flying past you
Or a meadow just a stroll away

Without light, we are more free to see
See the things we want, our fantasies
The dark is a wonderful thing
Because it is nothing, and everything

Lying in bed at night
Eyes wide shut
Seeing everything
Now we believe

I remember when you wagged your tail
How could I not? It seemed like you never stopped.

I remember when you pushed me into a snow bank
How could I not? I went to school frozen solid.

I remember when you let me use you as a pillow.
How could I not? You gave me fleas.

I remember when we used to go for walks.
How could I not? We discovered so much together.

I remember when you were always my best friend.
How could I not? You were the one that I could count on.

I remember when you died.
How could I not? I have never been the same since.

When your tail stopped wagging
is when my heart stopped beating as strong
as it used to beat when you were my best friend.

Love
Is a forbidden word
Unless you mean it
truly.

                                  Love
                                  Is so untouchable
                                  Unless you grasp it
                                  firmly
Love
Is an emotion
Unless you feel it
thoroughly
                                  Love
                                  Lust
                                  Life
                                  Learn
Love
shouldn't be used
unless it is felt from
the heart
                                   Why?
                                   We have a short life to live
                                   why waste it
                                   waiting
Love is yours
Love is there
Love is life
Take it

Oh Higher Power please!
-Please tell me what I need to know.
Why does my love for him not grow?

Is it stoppered with a blackened promise?
A hateful word, an unfaithful kiss?
Is there something to which I am amiss?

I do not wish to linger here,
drowning in what seems unclear
while suspicion does provoke a tear.
Oh, tell me what I need to hear...

I shall take whatever you care to tell
in the hope that my tears such knowledge will quell,
for not knowing shall inevitably drive me to my hell
Oh Higher Power please...

~Please tell~

To the sweet songbird of the forests
Your song will never end
To the cries of the wolves that ring out true
The melody will always flow sweet
To the dance of water and the shore
You will forever be together
To the human with intentions dark
You will never ruin what is true
To mother nature, tortured and forgotten
*In our hearts, you will always be free

Violence destroys more
Spreads faster
Lives longer
Burns hotter
Than wildfire

Violence tunnels into our hearts
Embeds itself deep within our souls
Turns us inside out, upside down
Corrupts our minds, taints our thoughts

Violence will not control us
Will not shape us
Will not mold our being

We will fight it
Destroy it
Combat it
Annihilate it
Prevail against it.

We were a bubble
So calm, so peaceful
Gently bobbing in the breeze
Like life bobs on the endless wind

Then we popped
It was so sudden
So surprising
Yet so undeniably inevitable
It makes my heart bleed

When I take a look around
It isn't just our bubble of perfection
That has been so mercilessly exploded
We are not alone.

I guess it shouldn't
But it makes me feel better
Knowing I'm not the only one
That has had a dream go bang
And blow up
Splattering wet, sticky bubble slime
All over your face

If every relationship was like a bubble
Where would we be?
Eventually, just forgotten memories
Drifting on a wind long gone
Waiting for another song

I'm going to pick my self up
Move on, move up
Continue with my hopes
Remember I had dreams

I hope you do too
All the best
With your next bubble

I can't remember now
If it was the water rushing over my face
or the blood rushing hot through my veins

I can't remember now
Who's skin was who's
or which tongue was which
  
I can't remember now
if you held me against the tiles
or if I held your heart against my chest
maybe both?

All I remember
Is the way you feel
soaking wet
close to me

All I remember
are hungry kisses
strong hands
on my waist

All I remember
is you pulling me closer
wet hands running down
my wet body


Maybe I remember
more than I think

I have an awesome friend.
He is rather cool,
or so he thinks....

But I love him anyvays.
Because he loves me.
We're buds.

Whatever life happens to feel
like throwing in our face,
I know he'll always be there,
he's kinda fixed in place.

Actually, I find him cool
despite what others may think.
He's so cool in fact,
he's one of the reasons I go to school.

So here's to my friend Dustin,
without him I'd be lost/
I know i'll always keep him
no matter what the cost.

"you loved me for a year
I might not have known it, but you loved me.
We would talk and talk for hours,
Hold our breath until we could see each other
Over skype of course, but see each other
Nontheless.
Then you did something stupid. You made mistakes.
Painful mistakes. Mistakes that costed trust.
I got angry, I laid into you with words that cut you deep, but I didn't care.
If I did, I didn't show you.
You tried so hard to make it right. You said you'd do anything,
Anything for me.
I still turned up my nose.
You pleaded and begged, you wanted so bad to fix what we had
But still I refused.
And I keep refusing."

You, after so long of thinking yourself the victim,
Have become aggressor.

You happen to be one
It's bright in your eyes
evident in your movements
thick on your breath
as savoury as your flavour

                                                   Tantalizingly deadly
                                                    you're bad for my health
                                                             my soul
                                                                           my virtue
                                                                                            my conscience
                                                    my heart sees you differently
                                                   -"keep trying, he will love, he will... will"

We are caught in a battle of will
Will his heart open?
Will his hold on me falter?
Will it be to late?

                                                          I am entangled with a
                                                          Deadly Sin
                                                          He is lust
                                                          I am defenseless

The song bird sings the song
of your voice

The leaves rustle sounding
like the rustle of sheets

The wind's cries mimic
cries of simple pleasures

The memories remembered by time
remind me of your memory

The peaceful calm of nature
lies heavily on the calming peace
of love

What is involved in being poetic?
Is it that you have to bleed
when you feel
or remember what you felt like?

Is there a spark in your brain?
Does it tell you the words,
does it give you rhyme,
does it command your thoughts?

Or does it come from the heart?
Is it pumped through your veins,
breathed into your lungs,
is it in every fibre of your being?

What is it, to be a poet?
Is it skill?
Is it random?
Is it learned?

It is you.
You are a poem.

I lie beside you
breathing

I try to remember
thinking

I want to give
feeling

I can't help you
loving

And still I lie beside you
the world in my head
still revolving, turning
as it grinds away my brain

You lie beside me
blissfully unaware
of the insanity that approaches me
creeping

If only you would tell me to breathe
and stop thinking
because you have a funny feeling
and you think it is me you love

All this inside me
while I lie beside you
breathing
and feeling
and thinking
and loving
someone who may not love me.

Flowers are simplistic
Seemingly

Like Dragons are deadly
According to...?

We have much to realize
Undoubtedly

And much to see
Undeniably

Flowers are complex
Like Dragons are intelligent

Driving me crazy...
A nasty, unwelcome longing,
pulling on me, dragging me lower,
down to a very lonely place.

Only your smile...
I never got to see it for real, just a pixelated version.
I wish I could have touched it as it spread leisurely
across your face.
Only your smile can make me lighten up
after cold, dark thoughts,
A little ray of sunshine on a gloomy day!

Maybe one day...
I can stand next to the sun,
and watch as it smiles at me with such warmth.
A beautiful glow looking at me lovingly.
Oh!
I should be so lucky...

Or should I?
Perhaps I'm blinded by the sun.
Perhaps I should look away...

I crash
My mind hits the rocks
The tide sweeps away hope
Prevention was in the clocks

Time was ticking
The old father knew
sooner or later
Reality would blast a hole brand new

My beliefs and my Hope
My imagination ran wild
Malicious Reality intervened
Cunning Fate sat back and smiled

In one brief moment
All I thought was real
Laughs in my face
The vault is resealed

Realizations hit me
I sit and I cry
I am left beaten and empty
Silenting hoping no one will pry

Love and Faith
Take pity on my soul
The ways of the world are not my own
And carefully, I fill in the hole

Distance makes the heart grow fonder
And
Time makes our will grow stronger
But
Life makes our meeting harder
When
Oceans make it so much farther.

Will our love forever smoulder
Or
Will you let us grow colder?

Lie in bed with me
                   For here my thoughts can flutter-
Become weightless but are not gone
For that I need you

Your hot pulse against
    My cold aura
                            ignites a light
that plays friendly hide and seek
                            with the dark
Because our deepest desires
            are those which shadows do hide

When the sun cries silently
and weeps across the sky
emotion shall crawl down my face
Us
    this bed does not wish to deny

The taste of *****
makes you intoxicating

  A touch of fire
has me burning

  You smell of height
it draws me closer

  I hear you swoon
it spins the room

  We look in blur
it turns us around

I am drunk off your kisses
I burn with your touch
I'm high from your smell
I blush when you speak
And your gaze turns me weak

This is what you do to me

***** socks
     cast aside like
Lizard hide
     you hide behind
Little meant
     the words you said
Ended life
     *with a blow like death

I said a plane ticket from me to you
wouldn't cost too much.
You asked me about another ticket,
"how much would one cost to your heart?"

I knew immediatly right then and there
you didn't just have a ticket,
you had the deed,
unlimited access to my love.

Now I have to be honest with myself,
do you actually have such a hold?
I'm thinking about this long and hard.
Of course! To you, my heart is sold.

So now I sit here waiting
for the time he can claim what is his.
My heart will forever be waiting
for that one, life changing kiss.

The fresh aroma of the ocean drifted around me
mixing with the luxurious smell of the forest.
The gentle touch of grass and moss,
made me feel as if I were weightless.
The sound of the morning breeze in the trees,
made my heart flutter and my heart dance.

Everything around me seemed to be in tune,
with this subtle spring song,
that nature seemed to be playing.
Everything moved, danced and whispered,
in one fluid movement.

I wanted to be part of it to.
I danced around the dimmed beach meadow,
and lost myself in the song.
When I left, the night was approaching.
Gentle song had quieted,
ready to inspire the next wounded soul.

God I feel empty.
There is something missing
and it's you.

A hundred men could knock on my door
and I would not open it
because they're not you.

I've never felt this way before
I've never felt so touched
by anyone but you.

I would spend my life with you
I would bring life into this world with you
I would be forever by your side
It's up to you.

His gentle caress drives my senses mad.
There is no denying someone that melts your heart,
And drives away all that seems bad.
I've been hit with cupids ever seeking dart.

His eyes are beacons of light saving me from the storm.
His soft voice calling to me from a distance
Its him I want, for my soul is now warm.
I don't understand why he insists on persistence.