I knew I should have left it
alone where it grew.

The lily is wilting
it quivers and shakes.
My selfish hands have killed it
waiting for another to take its place.

The orchid has gone sour
its petals ooze a poison.

It grew so far away I thought
another would surely tend it.
Oh how I was wrong,
now I'll sit here trying to mend it.

It seems I'm a selfish gardener
and though I wish it not so,
I know that I have damaged
what I wished to grow.

From the flowers that I hoped to till,
it's punishment that none will be
the flower, in my vase, on my window sill.

A year.
For a year I loved an idea.
Oh woe, silly me.

Hahaha, how stupid.
How do you love something you have never beheld?
With all your heart apparently.

Well, the idea cut ties with me.
It was hard to give it up,
and I thought I had.
Clearly I was just lying to myself.

You were gone.
I accepted it.

Then you came back.

"You don't have to answer if you don't want to.
How are you? Are you alright?"

HAHAHAHAHA
no. no I'm not, not anymore.
This whole time, I thought...
you didn't even think about me.

Welcome back to turmoil.
No matter how strong I am,
he will always make me weak.

You are in control
I thought maybe I was
         oh boy was I wrong

I thought I had the upper hand
the only reason it was upper
        was because you pinned it there

I mirror your movements
because mirror is all I can do
         if I am to keep up with you

Take control
Take the lead
        take me

Rocks skitter
Waves roll
When relentless meets inviting,
is when earth becomes whole.

Do you keep my heart in a locked box?
collecting dust on your window pane

Do you open it sometimes?
remember what you still claim

Do you hear it beating
atop it's lonely perch

Does it keep you up at night?
making your heart lurch

One day, I pray, you'll bring it back to me
And finally I'll get to see

Don't get me wrong, I stole from you as well
It sits on a dusty shelf, taunting me

If you bring me mine, I'll give you yours
preferably undamaged, mind a scar

We can go our separate ways at last
finally be on par

You're just beyond that door.
I can see you beckoning me through the window.
My heart races.

The key fits, but the lock won't turn.
It burns.
I yearn.

The twang of guitar strings
fights through my headphones
eager for attention.

The look of dire determination
outlined with concentration
and subtle admiration,
paints your face
in a handsome light.

You pen a word -
then a sentence.
Your words are laced with
adoration
in anticipation of a grandeur scheme.

Your shy glances
bounce off me when I look at you,
keen to remain unseen.
But I see you.

Words come to life
as they slip like silk
from your lips
and tickle my skin
like icy fingertips.

This love is an art.
I'll write
You sing

These words you said
fall down my face
even after they have dried
their route I still trace

We love from afar
and take no part in the fear
but sometimes we break
and we let out a tear

From where we both stand
our hearts far apart
we know what we've planned
to bring them to start

Yet there are moments
when life is too much
and a double edged comment
makes both of us lurch

Love is doubted
loyalties challenged
tears break the glass
and all that we've managed

Do not fear
what we can be free of
just remember that no matter what
It will always be you I love

These tears you make me shed...
we can still be rid of.

How real reality can be
When it slaps you in the face
after you slap a book closed

The world you lived in for days
the world you love
the world that's familiar
ends.

You are alone
in a world you hoped to escape
so you sit and wonder.

What can I do?
What is there to do?
Life seems so... unworthy
un worthy of you.

And then a book catches your eye
and you read, the first page...
just to see
then the first chapter...
just to make sure
then the first part...
just to be certain
then you take it home
and you make it your new world

A viscious, unforgiving,
but gloriously enlightening cycle

Once upon a time
There was a hole
In my heart
It was rather deep
Undeniably vast
It hurts
It was dug by human hands
And also filled by them
I know you're leaving
When you stand in it
You fill it
And it doesn't hurt
But I know you can't
Can't fill it forever
But I can wait
Wait for you to come back
Back to the hole
And fill it again
*Don't be long

Lately I have found,
that pretty love
makes for prolific poems.

I'm finding that
a tender feeling
makes for tenacious terms
******* in rhyme.

I found that
a shared heart
makes for shy shrines
made up of secretive words.

As the people around me find someone,
I can't help but notice
the pretty poems,
and the prolific love.

When the last blood is spilled,
when the last champion falls,
when the last hero dies,
that is when Death calls.

This fight is not over,
our war will be won.
Our will is unmatched
until the last bard has sung.

Oberon has summoned us.
Our quest is absolute,
our destiny is decided,
and our fate, we cannot dispute.

Follow me Brothers, Sisters,
walk with me into the fire.
Our choices are to fail,
or see our enemies on a pyre.

We cling to the skin
of the knowledge we possess,
and believe it is us.

Our truths are riddled with lies,
Our lies belie the truth,
and we are left with empty
thoughts and broken promises.

Remember that the mind was meant
to be opened to the world.
It was meant to receive
as well as to expel
thoughts.

Be not tied to one understanding,
for you may find
the world will be looked upon
with misunderstanding.

you lie there, peacefully sleeping.
Dreaming. You look so happy
With your arm wrapped around m...

No. Enough.
These thoughts are not welcome
I must stop them
We're over.

you open your sleepy eyes and look at me.
A lazy smile spreads across your face.
You caress my...

Enough!
That was the future
That we let burn,
I must let it go,
though I continue to yearn.

your kisses trail down my arm.
You ask why I'm awake.
I tell you that I love y...*

I SAID ENOUGH!
I messed it up.
We (I) tried to fix it.
I'll never have you in my bed.
I can't get my hopes up,
those hopes are dead.

Thank heavens for abnormality,
thank heavens no one is true,
without it i'd be just as insufferable as you.

I'm glad we are all different,
glad i'm not like you,
otherwise, my life would be rather blue.

Praise the air of uniqueness,
praise our inconsistancies,
if I was you, i'd blow out my knees.

I hate you,
They way you are.
I'm glad i'm not like you.
I'm glad we're dissimiliar.

Let's put it this way,
Thanks heavens to abnormailty,
Without it, i'd be just as insufferable as you.

I am Deadly
        For I tempt the soul
I am Bewitching
        For I believe the ******
I am Corruption
        For I sway the mind
I am Loneliness
        For I leave you broken
I am Dangerous
        For I tear the heart
I am Sinful
        For it seems to good to be true
I am a Sword
        And I am double edged

I've known you but a minute,
Though it seems to be forever.
You're an all important person,
Someone I'll remember.

Though time and ocean have seperated us,
The illusion of distance seems to much.
Yet I know well enough,
That soon I'll be able to feel your touch.

If distance was to great a feat,
I would give up, go home, stay away.
But I know better, only a matter of time.
And I sit here counting the days

I flow like a pasture in a gale
I smell like the wild and the free
I inhale the ice of a breeze
I glide over a sea of land
I possess the spirit of nature
And I run, at my best, like the wind

I sit and I stare
                         At the angel silently praying
                                                                          perched on a stack of books
Waiting.

The beliefs of others
                                  Do not rest in me
                                                                But this small angel sees
Into me.

She waits for me to realize
                                              Something
                                              Anything
                                           ...Nothing  
                                                                She waits like a gargoyle
for nothing.

That little angel
                           Keeps me thinking however
                                                                            about what she thinks exactly
I'll sit thinking forever
Because glass angels do not speak
Or so I thought

True love cannot die
If it is never found
In the first place.

You can live
or you can die trying

You can love
or you can hate after it

You can forgive
or you can brood forever

You can see
or you can be blinded by the truth

You can live with honor
or be consumed by it

You can laugh
or you can cry.

For all these things,
I hope you smile.

Whatever lines you choose to live by
or even those between...
you can be at peace
or at war with yourself.

A rose by any other name
would smell as sweet

A rose gazed upon through tears
can never be as meaningful
as the day it was given in
love

Black streaks race down
the flushed flesh of my face

A rose that stood for love
now stands for something lost

A rose sways solemnly
in a bed of forgotten flowers
the life ****** from its
youthful petals
though Death will ne'er take it

A rose by any other name
has thorns that pierce

I know you feel it.
Something is happening
               changing
in you.
I can see it.

Your Dam of Desire
has broken,
the floodgates are open
               but you draw on a blank,
do your best to think fast
               before you tank.

You cannot use the Broom stick of Beauty
to sweep away the ugliness of passion.
               You cannot simply sit under the rug
and hide from me.
You know it cannot be.

But now you feel as though
you've been put on the bench,
and your heart feels wrenched,
and your feelings clench,
                 but you wait.

Just wait,
you'll see.

I'm falling awake
yes it can be done
wakefulness falls upon you
just as effectively as sleep
your mind clears
your eyes flutter
you yawn
It is very possible to fall awake

I especially enjoy falling awake
to grinace at you,
yes, grinace.

I am not living.
You tried everything you knew
The cracks I still slipped through
Makes me realize I was human

Lost in sorrowful wisps of smoke
Carried in the wind and forgotten
An imagination fruitful, rotten
Reminding me I was not human

The things I have not discovered
Plague, irritate, mock with great joy
The things I have, like children's toys
I realize I don't care which I was.

These butterflies in my stomach will roam far and near
for my once trusted net has holes true, through and clear

My tongue has been tied so impossibly taught
by the black taints of secrets no force can un-knot

My mind will stay un-made so torn and confused
so now I may fall and join the abused

My soul has been shattered, the pieces are strewn
no one dare retrieve them for sharp edges are doomed

My heart, blessed be, the worst of them all has been broken and un-mended
no one cares to heal a heart so long forgotten and un-tended

My mind whirs and my heart beats
My bones creak
My stomach lurches
My organs motor on.
Yet, for all of this,
I am calm.
I am serene.
I sit quietly,
despite my machine.

There is a cut on my chest.
You put it there

There is a tear in my heart.
It is you

There is a scar left behind.
It was you

Then you walked away
You broke me

My heart
My mind
My soul
My will

You cut a hole in my chest and tore the scar tissue away
You left and swore to me
That you would mend
The cut and the scar
That you would heal
The torn strings of my heart.

You lied.
But thats ok.
Because you tried.

I want to say something,
these words I can't keep,
but I'm afraid I'll lose you
after the tiniest peep.

I wish I could tell you
just how I feel,
but I'm afraid it's too much,
and you'll gasp and you'll reel.

I need to touch you
in the most gentle of ways,
but you're miles away,
the swim would take days.

I miss your voice
and your face
and your hair,
having to keep this inside
just doesn't seem fair.

I want you to shout out
how you feel about me.
I need to know
how you feel about me.
I wish you would tell me
how you feel about me,
so I can blurt out this passion
and finally be free.

He won't go
He won't go
I whisper to the dark
lying on my back, arms crossed
of course he is going

He'll visit me
He'll visit me
I mumble to the shadows
trembling, trying to stay composed
I'll never see him again

He will call everyday
He will call everyday
I cry out to the moon
tears cascading down my face
I'll never hear his voice again

My nose plugs
My throat swells
My body quivers
and breathless sobs escape me

*That night I dreamed of all that could have been

I wrote a Poem for you
                                           And hoped that you would like it
                                                                                                      I kind of want to impress you
                                           Because I like it when you smile
Smile at me
                                           You make me light up
                                                                                                     Like a lonely christmas tree
                                           Trying to attract attention
So that it may shine
                                           And make someone
                                                                                                     beam like a lighthouse
                                           I want to make you beam
With this poem I wrote

Poetry can save a life
It can introduce new life
And honor a  life past.

Poetry can be the air you breathe
Your sustenance
Your water and shelter.

Poetry is the gift of creativity
The savior of many
And the light in your path

Poetry is what I thrive on
Poetry is what I believe in
Poetry is my life.

Mundane steps,
common thoughts, (so unoriginal),
like stripes on a zebra.
They haunt me.

Didn't I say the sun was setting?
Sunshine pours through me,
filling me with hope.
Guess I was wrong.

Now I glow.
And I grow.
And I wait.

One day that sun will blast
the shadow that walks past my window
into something real.

My steps will no longer be mundane,
or just mine.

Fresh footprints in the sand -
mine, yours, and a little pair in between.

But it's hard to make footprints on a boat, chasing the sun around the world.

I'm cold.
These quilts do nothing for me.
I shiver and shake.
Ice grips, will I be free?

My dreams are warm.
Your hot body touches mine.
I tremble and quiver.
We lay here intertwined.

I wake lonely.
I wake cold.
You were never here.
There is no one to hold.

I am cold.
My mind is warm.
I wait for my dream to unfold.

I wait here in the cold.

I possess more love
Than that which I confess
But I speak not often of such
For should I happen to falter
I fear it would test
the faith of the rest
and doubt would shadow what's left

When...

I say "I Love You"
Do not be disheartened when that is all I offer
But enlightened
For under sound of tongue
are feelings to be sung

And so...

I veil more love
Than one seems to entail
But only because
I may not confess
what I possess

Drenched
with lonliness
Spun
until confused
Tossed
until my heart was dry

Yeah, you left me high and dry
Abandoned like the search for your lost sock
and whats worse
*forgotten...

I see the way you look at me
your eyes longing for the face they cannot touch

I know the way you think
your mind imagining the possibilties they cannot have

I feel the way you move
your body trying to remember what is has not ever had

I see you, I know you, I feel you
I cannot have you
not right now
not now
not...

You see me watching you
imagine me thinking about you
knowing that I see you

It is almost to much
almost

But not yet.

I miss you
I can't help it

Just when I think
I can go even one day
Without your memory
You pop up

Haunting
Reminiscent
Beautiful

And I remember
How you used to hold me
Close to you

And I cry
Because I long for your touch
Once again

So I hope you think of me
When your thinking
Because I think of you
All the time

I can't help
That I miss you

I have the tendency
of getting very physical
It's getting harder to breathe
for you that's literal

Does it hurt?
Burn?
****?
Does it weaken your will
to learn that I have all the control?

Do you lust?
Ache?
Yearn?
Do you want another turn,
want to go till you break?

I'm happy to oblige
but can't be held responsible
if no one can do it better
-for that I am not liable

Drive me to the end
the end of days
of light
of faith

Hold the key
the key to life
to love
to happiness

Remember your promises
promises of longevity
of fulfillment
of hope

These things
they wound
they hurt
they pain
You have wronged me
and for that
I shall do what's in my power
to be free

Is there something deeper
when I touch your hand?
Do you tingle
when my lips brush yours?
Does it burn pleasantly
when my skin sweats with your own?

I need a fire
to keep me warm
to give me life
to remind me I'm human

I need a fire
between us
between our hearts
between the lines

Will you kindle a fire that will not burn out with ease?
Will you risk getting burned?
Will you favour the cold?

Long breaths and long thoughts
we start our conversation

Short breaths and long thoughts
you tell me things I don't want to hear

Short breaths and short thoughts
I panic after every word you say

Long breaths and short thoughts
I try to calm my nerves

Long breaths and Long thoughts
*I realize we'll be fine in the end

Oh how I differ from
The youthful beauty of
A pale new flower

Velvet petals of orange,
A stem of vibrant green
leaves as young as I once was

As autumn brings harsh cold
A reining beauty shall fall
Join me and pass away

Your time has ended
As time takes its tithe
your life is now not

Be right back
...most painful statement ever
It's supposed to mean
that you'll be right back
*it never turns out that way

I've just been broken into two -
The piece that stayed with me
and the piece that went with you.

Violence hangs over my head
irrational like wine
heavy like lead

How am I to choose love
over love?
Heart over heart?

If fair is foul
how am I to survive
the foul that is fair?

You attach tethers to my life
One pulls left
one right
One tugs up
one down

Am I to be what's left in the middle?

For all that I am,
I know not just what that is

For all that I am not,
My curse is to see it all

To look deep within myself,
to find all that I am
seems a task.

To watch the world
and see all that I am not
is far too easy.

I live with naive thoughts
to keep from untangling
my own inner knots.

Poseidon's steeds rise from the ocean
silhouetted against the twinkling lights of an English village

They kick out at the sea,
making their presence heard.
Like the rumbling of a million bees,
it's hard to see,
but when you do they are magnificent.
Pawing the ocean,
stirring the current,
they rise above the rocks.
I look at the clock.
The horses are bringing in the tide
I might get stuck between the beach
and the thundering of hooves,
but I don't move.
I am still
while the ocean is in turmoil.
I toil.
Shall I retreat?
Shall I wait in defeat?
The horses call my name
offering a ride
to where?
I couldn't say but I kind of want to try.
I walk closer to the edge;
thank god it's not a ledge
or I'd never jump.

An arm wraps around me,
pulling me away.
But I feel the ocean, it wants me back.
His warmth wraps around me
and it puts me back on track.
I forgot I was cold.
I didn't mean to be so bold,
as to walk into his kingdom
and see the great unknown.

I'm resigned to this life,
walking among mortals.
After all it's not so bad,
when you have someone
that keeps you sane when you feel sad.

The power to be someone else,
to live a different life,
make different choices.
Oh what a power that would be.

What if I told you,
that you could?

You could choose to be
a scientist
a doctor
an activist
a lawyer
a volunteer
anything that you wanted.

What if I told you,
you could learn from your mistakes,
make new choices,
and new mistakes?

What if I told you,
it is as simple as

Change. Determination. Choice.