We want your every purpose:

we want your youth,
your rosy cheeks.
we want your shining brown skin
and your supple arms

we want your thoughts,
your cogs and spinning wheels.
we want your psychosis

and if you are drained,
sagging and grey
with only one last rattling breath left -

well,

we want that too.

I want to crack open my skull
with my black pen
wedge it open
and have a look inside

I would poke around in there
touch the worms
that crawl through the gum
the slippery grey slime
I want to **** the
black beetles that join them

I would pull the thoughts
the twisted strings wrapped
so tight around the lumps
I want to loosen their hold
if for just one night

And taking out my brain
holding it carefully in two cupped palms
I would rinse it off in the sink
the mud flowing down my hands
the dust of fatigue
mixed with mucus
sliding down my wrists
and the bugs twisting around my fingers

And I would put it back
gently settle my brain
down into the yellow soup
cleaner now
and I would sew my head back up
and flatten down my hair
wipe away the blood

and go back to sleep

That it doesn't hurt.

That there is no ball,
no yellow tumor,
no pain

Let's call it a star,
a little growing thing
with white legs
and glowing fingers

Let's say it's kicking me
when I lay down,
tiny diamond feet
pressing under my ribs

And when it takes me
let's say it grew,
swelled so large
and so bright
my body could not take it
and succumbed to its brilliance

So when I am laying
in a dark wood coffin
that star will be in me still
shining brightly

My phalanges shake under the
Blood red sunset
My heart beats rapidly
In my throat
My nerves consume
Every inch of my flesh

I'm sitting on that bench
Our bench
Outside that little store
Our store
And I'm thinking of you
Dreaming of you
And it's Autumn
And that song you played
Our song
It's stuck in my head
Because I don't think
It ever left

If only there was a way
To avoid this whole situation
Some way to circumvent
Around life

But there's not

And suddenly
I'm distracted by an
Angel
Or the closest thing to it
That I've ever seen
On Earth

Straight purple hair
Pierced septum
Thick black eyeliner
Cuts down her arms
Oceans in her eyes

It's cold
And I'm alone
And I'm waiting for you
And she's there
And my mind is spinning
And my heart drops
And my posterior goes numb

And I swear to God
If you don't hurry up
I'm going to follow her home

Because my mind is
Skidding off the fringes
Of sanity
And my emotions are
Twisting like pretzels
In a bakery

Confused and broken
The girl
That caught my mind
And stole my time
Walks by in slow
Motion

And the reason
That I'm so easily
Obsessed
With her
Is because she did
Something
No one ever
Could

For a few moments
She actually helped me

Forget about you

a hollowed skeleton
stares at the world
himself created and
wonders what went
wrong in his life

I look at this world
I created and think
that my future has
died and that I am
sooner dead if not
for the torture found
in life

warm radiation
of single serve dinners.
clatter of bottle caps,
bouncing off bent metal brothers.

yesterday: b-movies
for hours,
black and white
brains on wires float,
high school students
lost in allegory.

day before: reading
for hours,
shivering
knees making mountain peaks
under the comforter from home,
avalanches of unseen feathers.

hot coffee, showers,
days of avoiding outside.
heating pads,
leftovers of mother's meatloaf
sent over in a cooler.
reminiscing to no one
about how it use to taste.

Ferryman, ferryman don't come for me,

the children sing freely

in the bright sunlight.

When gathered together on a dark

stormy night...

they pull covers over heads

to stay out of sight.



He takes the coins

from the eyes of the dead.

His payment for the travels

he plans ahead.

When payment is made

he guides his guests

to make their final hopeless quest.

He beckons with a gruesome smile

and they board his craft with little guile.

The river is swift...the river is long...

He ferries them right along until he

crosses  the river when he blows his horn.

He looks around and all are gone.



It is said on dark lonely nights,

the Ferryman is out to fright.

Who dares to board his ferry boat

are the dead who have lost all hope.

When innocent children hear his horn

they run like hell to beat his harm.

Now as the train bears west,
Its rhythm rocks the earth,
And from my Pullman berth
I stare into the night
While others take their rest.
Bridges of iron lace,
A suddenness of trees,
A lap of mountain mist
All cross my line of sight,
Then a bleak wasted place,
And a lake below my knees.
Full on my neck I feel
The straining at a curve;
My muscles move with steel,
I wake in every nerve.
I watch a beacon swing
From dark to blazing bright;
We thunder through ravines
And gullies washed with light.
Beyond the mountain pass
Mist deepens on the pane;
We rush into a rain
That rattles double glass.
Wheels shake the roadbed stone,
The pistons **** and shove,
I stay up half the night
To see the land I love.