I have tried
to start
and restart
and rewrite
so many poems
in one night.

It's frustrating.
Where did my flow go?
Where is my rhythm?
What happened?
What's stopping me?

It can't be my sadness
I'm always sad.

I'm not happy
so that can't be it.

I'm angry
but I generally am.

What can I do?
Post this?
This mess?

It makes no sense
I'm just rambling
But isn't that the point?

I write everything I feel
Type it as soon as it pops up
Rarely go back and check.

But this?
This is crap.
This is worthless.

Is this writer's block?
Is this how it feels?
Really?

This is the frustration
that everyone talks about?

This happened with my stories
and never picked them back up.

Does this mean
that my poetry is drying up?

Does this mean
that this is my last poem?

This piece of crap
that makes no sense?

This rambling mess
of a poem?

I can only hope not.
What do I turn to next?

I dropped music
short stories
now poetry?

What do I do?
What can I turn to?
Besides emptiness...

I tried my hardest
to keep you as a friend
I have to say though
you didn't.

We went from best friends
to friends
to acquaintances
to people who are cordial in public.

We did not have a falling out.
It was a straight down
dive from friendship
to strangers

I am sad
truthfully
but it seems
you are just apathetic.

We can't talk
because of tension.
You won't hang out
because of me.

I would blame myself
but that isn't fair to me.
I would blame you
but that isn't fair to you.

No matter how much
I want to blame you
I just can't
Because that's not me.

But apparently you've
forgotten that about me.
That I am nice.
That I do care.

It took just that little bit
to break our friendship apart.
I guess the friendship
couldn't have been too strong then.

Do you blame me?
To help yourself feel better?
I don't know if you would.
You've changed.

But I can't dwell on it
I have to move on
so I can feel better.
So I can be happy.

I wish you happiness.
I wish you joy.
I wish you life.
I wish you love.

slit my wrists
and call me to the graveyard

nothings left
but for me to die

I can't breathe
the dirt is calling me down

my victim, myself
screams out in the night

I let it all go
the timing was just right

the water turned red
as my mind flowed away

I see nothing but darkness
all my past mistakes

not even death
can be my escape

Do you remember
The night under the stars
The way we watched them

Do you remember
The walk we took
The paths we followed

Do you remember
The way we joked
The things we said

Do you remember
The looks I gave you
The way I played around

Do you remember
The eyes rolls I gave
The smirks you gave

Do you remember
The happiness you felt
The happiness I felt

Do you remember
The night under the stars
The happiness we felt

Do you remember
The way we laughed
The way we couldn't stop laughing

Do you remember
The way I couldn't stop laughing
The way I could never stop smiling

Do you remember?

I don't have a bad attitude
I am open and accepting
Listen to me

You stop talking to me
Because I don't
Believe in what you do

I listen to you
I accept your beliefs
So reciprocate

There's no reason for you
to stop being my friend
because of a simple belief

You are a hypocrite
You preach forgiveness and acceptance
Yet you won't even speak to me

How right of you
How correct of you
To ignore me

How great of you
How nice of you
To leave me

I don't believe
in your belief
but don't hate me.

Don't leave me behind
Because you can't
handle my beliefs

It's called
acceptance
and love.

Our friendship
seemed to break
when we spoke of religion.

What happened?
Is it so bad
that I don't believe?

You leave me behind
You leave me alone
You can't do that

I would never
leave you alone
or leave you behind

Just because we
don't believe together
doesn't mean we can't be together.

I'm disappointed
I thought it wouldn't matter
Here of all places

A place of acceptance
is what I was told
but it seems not

If I don't believe
what you believe
I guess it wasn't meant to be.

I just want to risk it
I just want to try
Is that so bad?

I mean really
Come on now
Is it?

I just want to have a
Little bit of fun
Is that so wrong?

I want to be
a bit of a risk taker.
Is that terrible?

I don't understand
why can't I admit it?
I want to take risks!

I want to do something
I know isn't right
Because I want to!

Oh well.
Who cares?
Take a risk!

I'm sorry
I'm paranoid
But I can't really help it

I've been conditioned
Since youth
To use it

I hear you laugh
I see your glance
I feel confused

I'm stuck in this feeling
of mixed emotion and fear
But oh well, it happens.

I get defensive
I take offense
I just wish it would stop

But I'm paranoid
It always happens
I can't help it

This just happens
All the time
Can't stop

I don't like
that I care
but I do

I want it to stop
to be normal for once
but that won't happen

It's awful
To be afraid
of being judged

It's terrible
How I can't leave
without feeling judged

But it happens
I cope
I try