my throat may be red and sore
i may have clumps of phlegm trapped inside
and be having difficulties breathing
my eyelids may be feeling heavy
the fever comes and go
i am a little ill

but it wont beat the illness
i have in my head
there are so much annoyance
confusion and hatred i have
i cant seem to be put of them
into words

"the moment you stop learning how to love
is the moment you stop engaging with the world"
"and its the most beautiful thing ever"

i dont know how but to admire
people who never stop loving
never stop taking a step forward
never stop trying despite
having their heart crushed to pieces

perhaps its just me
who's having the disability
to begin learning how to

or perhaps i've never
had the opportunity
ever

or perhaps it never existed
in my life

here i sit unfollowing people
i've never met on instagram
(all those expections i put on
myself i can never meet)

here i sit removing old photos
from my iphone gallery
(all those memories i cant
seem to give it up)

here i thought to myself
its time to stop hoarding
its time to stop dwelling in the past
that can never be brought back
its time to be living, now

cheers to a new beginning
a new season in life
cheers to setting lower expectations
for myself and for Him to meet
cheers to being kind to myself

today

I AM SO MAD
OVER EVERYTHING
OVER PEOPLE
- TAKING UP MY STUDY SPOT
- TAKING UP MY STUDY SPOT
- TAKING UP MY STUDY SPOT
YOUR FACE ANNOYS ME

said enough of anything
exposed enough of my thoughts
too much to be known
and all happens in minutes or so
spontaneously then regrets
afterwards

there's nothing to do
to swallow them back down
to bury the feelings you feel
the discomfort you're clenching
in your fists
that made your nails
sink into your skin

what else more?

there is no one i can confide in
there is no way i could express
but only through my sea salt tears

nothing is more satisfying than
accomplishing something just for yourself
not because you've had a long day
but because you know you deserve something
after a long time of suppressing yourself
nothing feels better than rewarding your own body
your own mind with authentic kindness
because you know its time to be loving you