You really want it
And you're so close
you can feel it.

You're breaking through,
Breaking free of the chains
Binding you.

Its a game you're about to win,
I'll be the proud audience
Ever cheering,
rooting for you.

You're almost
Victorious

Today, i found myself outside of the
Drugstore.
Even the name has a dark connotation,
Like most things,
If you really think about it.
A store for drugs.
Now yet another thing that is made
For serious purposes
Is romanticized
By todays society.

I wasnt there to buy
Candy
Or makeup
Or toiletries
Like i probably shouldve been.
I was there for one thing,
And one thing only.

I headed into the stationary and
Household tools section,
Hoping to find the tiny bit of relief
Hanging off a shelf,
With my name carved into
The glinting metal,
Not unlike what i would be using it for.

But instead,
All i found were
Paperclips
And thumbtacks
And safety pins.
But i had hoped to escalade from that,
These innocent desk drawer tools.  

I didnt pick them up.
Did i want to?
Yes.
Do i have to?
Im not sure.
But i didnt.
And thats good enough for me.

Recently
I dont remember how i feel.
Happy or sad
Somehow the feeling is the same,
And i cant remember anymore.

I cant begin to explain because
Recently
You've been doing so well
And i couldnt bear to put that weight on you,
Too.

So this is all:
If you are trying to save me,
Dont hold your breath.

Today is Wednesday.
And it wont be in exactly
45 minutes.
Lets make Wednesday last.

You were doing so well.
Almost a week,
You couldve done it.
Its not your fault,
And i dont blame myself,
So who should?

Today,
Sitting at my desk,
I spotted the box and
Gave in to temptation.

Each line i make
Represents a way i cant
Help you
Or myself.
A way im hurting others
Or myself.
I dont want it to be this way
And i wish i didnt have to
But i do.
And everyday i give in,
It gets worse.
I know i should hate it
I know i should want to stop
I know it should hurt
But i dont
And i dont
And it doesnt.

Every line i make
Shows how weak i am.
I wish i was the bigger person
Who could take my own advice
And be smart.
Instead i desperatley
Count the lines
To practice
Because i cant focus on my geometry homework
And all thats making me do
Is fail.