in a few days' time,
i will bleed again.

in all the places where blood is concerning,
where blood should not be - at least, not visible.

every year it happens,
when the memory fills to the top of my body,
and it clasps me, my skeleton,
and displaces everything that is not
firmly fastened in place.

if i ask for a tissue, calmly,
with blood flowing down my forehead
where a wound is not present,
please respond in the same way i present the question -
calmly,
and with purpose.

i take my frown,
and the grief that hides beneath it,
and i drag it onto a wooden block,
and i teach it how to breathe.
is it then my child?

if i leave it here on this block,
will his wheezes turn to calm exhales?
if i leave it longer, will he learn to talk?
do i dare hear what he has to say?
to you? to me?

if i leave this grief on a slab
in a house in the forest,
will i feel guilt?
will i mourn?

is it my responsibility to grieve... him?

will i have anything left inside me
to do so?

divine loser
screams into
a tunnel
of his own
design.

he receives
a laugh
in response.

laughter used to hold such beauty
coming from human tongues.

laughter is beautiful when not
emerging from a cavern built to sit
vacant and silent.

divine loser
sawed off
my hands
to hold them
in a past life.

the mouth of the cave
is shaped like a promise.

the sink guard catches ice cubes
but moldy coffee grounds slip through
the mesh with ease.

one of these is the problem,
one of these is the reason i put the
guard in the drain.

i drink coffee more than i use ice cubes,
a lukewarm-preference i cannot shake.

the best cup of coffee i ever drank was one you made,
lukewarm instant coffee from a packet from a hotel you booked
two months prior.
you said this probably won't be very good
and i decided it would be perfect.

that may have been the problem.

coffee grounds mold in the french press in the sink because
i am disappointed with each cup i brew myself.

i bought a sink guard to remedy this.
it is the traitor.
1/10

it's just a joke,
guilt-joke-trip-wire,
funny feeling lasts four hours
i didn't mean to let your dog run away
i just didn't know you had a dog.