How hard is it
To let go of your fears
And continue on with your life

Knowing any step could be your last
And any moment may just be a vast memory
Sitting in class trying to understand the lesson
But your thoughts corrupted your mind
And it's not that easy
You're fading so quickly
But what else can you do?

- 01/30/19

I lay down
I wonder what I have done to deserve this
It seems with every positive there comes three negatives
One step forward and a million steps back
Will life always be like this
I question my worth often
I've lost my faith
My hope has been demolished
The candle is still burning
The light to guide through the tunnel
And that is all I have

- 02/22/19

My mind is fidgeting with my soul like a kid playing tricks
My soul is dividing my body like one who does not care for herself
My body is failing me and destroying my peace of the unknown
But this will always be that way
Nobody really cares until it's too late
Nobody really realizes until it's time to go
Nobody understands until you're just a picture on a shelf
Or a note on a fridge
You are not that special to them as they say
But you are special in yourself
You are one of a kind
And don't you ever forget it
You are you
You are more than enough

- 02/22/19

Escape from the wilderness
Of my dreams
Suffer the silence
Of those who are near
The distant ones are the safer ones
The nearer the better
My thoughts like a jungle
Corrupted in every sense
Caged into my brain
Capacity on low
I'm going to explode

- 03/07/19

Scared for what life has in store for me
Just one peep at the future
Giving me so much motivation
I'm tired
Of being the disappointment of everyone
Sometimes I want to end it all
Because I do not know how much more I can take
I love me
But it feels like nobody else does
So why waste my own energy

- 03/30/19

When two people love each other
And they aren't together
You ask them why
The say "because it's hard"
But is it not harder
To stay apart?

- 01/09/19

The human mind is like a galaxy full of thoughts
Instead of stars
Gifted with each individual detail
Placed together to make a beautiful memory
Stored in the back of the brain untouched

It is complex.

- 04/21/19

You left me mentally already
So just tell me
When are you going to leave me
Physically too?

- 04/22/19

How is it that I write such words
Healing others through my poetry
Yet my poems do not help me
The one in need

- 06/08/19

Lately I've been distracting myself
So I don't have to feel what I feel
Lately I've put emotions to the side
So I don't have to feel what I feel

It's hard living when you're depressed
And what's the point of being sad?
I constantly remind myself that it's just a waste of time
But sometimes
It catches up to me

- 07/14/19

I told you to leave me alone
To get away from me
I'm having an awful time
I am not in the right state of mind

But you kept going
You kept pushing
You didn't think to care how I felt
You wanted to get your pleasure

You went down so low
That you went out of your way
To mess up a girls life
A girl you didn't even know

A girl you had never met before
Just someone who was pretty
Someone who had "the body"
I am ashamed of you. *******.
**** anyone who knows of your true self.
And lastly, **** anyone who ever supported you.
You don't deserve to have a joyful life.

- 08/21/19

Once upon a time
I was stuck in a tunnel
More deep than you may realize
It was like a maze
And those grieving were the ones
Stuck inside

As time had passed
The tunnel had grown
Deeper & deeper I got stuck
With no aid
No guidance
I had just given up

Then came along a boy
He was the light through the tunnel
The aid that was needed
The angel set out for me

He held my hand
Took me through the dirt
Across the horizons
And showed me life

This is a story of the time I felt
Happy
Pure
Loved.

But sadly we don't talk anymore.

- 02/22/19

They don't give, but they want, they take
The cycle restarts
They don't listen, but they hear, they tell
The cycle repeats
Continuously asking yourself
"Where did I go wrong"

Regrets filling up your mind
You're looking for the bright little light to shine
In the shadow of the darkness
In the depth of the sea
Continuously asking yourself
"What the hell is wrong with me"

You'd ride or die for anybody that comes your way
Deep down, thinking that's a mistake
Not realizing it's merely an act of positivity
That quickly turns into a bad habit
A negative neglection
An addictive obsession
Continuously asking yourself
"When will I learn my lesson"

Going day by day,
Dragging yourself at the slowest pace
Your depression taking over your mind
Your questions taking over your conscience
Your actions taking over your heart
It's all yours
You control it all but you don't understand
And you continuously ask yourself
"When will I realize?"

- 01/06/19

12 years old, the age of curiosity
The age of tenderness, affection, and joy
Getting grown now
This is when you're told that life is not a toy.

You think you're so old
Until tragedy hits you
Suddenly you don't feel so bold
You're aweary, restrained, suffocating
And life is cold
You feel as if you're just going to fold

You grow older, 13,14,15,16,17.
You hit 18.
You realize life is just an anomaly
Everyone around you is a stranger
And the saddest part is,
You are your own stranger.

You spend years looking for yourself,
But have you tried looking for oneself
Through things besides media?
Besides games, besides education and people
Who don't care about you
Who don't love you
Who don't want you

You flip the switch
You try your best
Life took its toll
Now you're here.
You're in the moment.
But within a second
That moment is gone

And suddenly you're on your own.
Just like the day you were born
All alone.
You hear the horn
And now your life has ended

You wasted your time looking for things
You realize that those things didn't do you any good
You cling onto your life .. what you have left
But it's too late now
Ya Allah
Save me from the hellfire

I took my own life for those that I truly admire.

- 10/13/18

Look at that photograph
Of that typical beautiful girl
Who hides her pains behind her smile
Her actions behind her words

Take a look in her brain
And you'll see a whole different side of her
Constant questions of self-worth
Heightening self-deprivation

But through the photo
You don't realize
Her mother was abusive
Her father was dead
Her brothers were just like her mother
She was alone

And that is the gift of pictures
They never share the deeper meaning
Of the story you would like to share
But were never able to

- 02/22/19

I feel
Lonely
Even though I'm surrounded by plenty
Who claim they're here for me

I feel
Shaken into my bone
Please take me home
Back to the old me
The person I used to be

I feel
Ashamed
Of myself
Of who I let take over me
How my emotions alternate

It feels
As if
When the sun becomes the moon
My happiness switches to loneliness
And I lose myself

-  04/20/2019

Vent after vent, constantly being told "I feel you"
But do you really? Do you really feel me?
Do you know how it feels to be a burden upon your own family?
To have everyone you love and care for, be gone...
In just a single moment?
To consciously be afraid of the past, the present, the future
But you know YOU feel me, so tell me, what can I do besides just own it?
I need help.

Day after day, I'm told "be grateful, you have everything"
But when will you put it together
That I am grateful
That graciousness is not mixed with depressiveness
I just need help.

Minute after minute, I'm told "the time is ticking
The age is blinking
The seconds are slipping"
And I
I'm simply lost
I just need help.

It's like I'm screaming for assistance but there is nobody around to hear me
I'm trapped in my own body
The words coming out of my mouth do not match the thoughts going through my head
The values in my brain do not match the ones in my heart
I'm easily mistaken
The world awakens
And I
I am unshaken
I just need help.

- 10/15/18

I just want to surrender my battle with reality
My survival is in desperate need of succor
I need comfort
I need relief
I need the continual presence of protection
From my own mind
My own self
How difficult is it
To cross oneself
And manage
Every
Single
Day?

- 08/21/19