love is my oxygen, and I can't breathe.

I need to quit belittling my emotions.
Those constant apologetic "it's just my feelings" or "I don't know why I'm upset now"
Invalidating my own feelings and letting **** slide is not what I'm going to do anymore.
I'm going to tell people that hurt me, their faults.
Nobody is going to tell me that I shouldn't feel hurt by others actions.
Nobody is going to get any satisfaction out of me if they simply don't care about my feelings.
I'm sincerely and honestly drained, inside out.
My heart has been pulsating faster than ever before
My mind has been racing with thoughts
Trying to place puzzle pieces together and adding up the equations
When I could simply have that conversation that I've been avoiding.
I'm drained, God, I'm drained.
I have been searching for peace on every mountaintop through every desert, and yet I'm still sitting here hopeless.

Sometimes.. just sometimes.. I'd rather hear words of comfort rather than words of truth.

I'm personally tired.
I'm drained by my peers.
Being dragged around by everyone, not letting myself be my own self
It's like everyone is so judgmental, everyone is so hateful towards one another
Even those who support you, turn around and talk badly about you.
This world is so cruel, it's so hard living every day
It hurts me to sit here and write this
My mind has been drowning in tears, and the saddest thing is.. nobody would truly know
At this point, I've mastered silent cries.
My heart has been hurting, my mind has been lurking.
I've been searching for my peace for a long time and sometimes I don't think it's even meant for me.
On another note.
I saw this tweet today,
That women do a lot of things that go unnoticed and unappreciated by men.. and I have never seen another tweet so true.
No matter how much I try, no matter how hard I work, no matter how above and beyond I go.. it'll never be enough.
That **** hurts my heart.

He didn't do anything wrong
So why am I so upset at his actions?
Why do I constantly let myself get hurt at things that don't even matter?

He didn't say anything wrong
So why am I not wanting to communicate with him?
Why am I constantly running from my problems instead of facing them like a woman?

It's the way he becomes nonchalant at times
It hurts that sometimes I don't even know if he would really care if he lost me
Maybe it's because I give too much, that he knows I wouldn't really leave
Maybe it's because I've shown him my vulnerability and he knows he has that advantage onto me

It hurts that sometimes I have to beg for a simple conversation
Or I always have to be the one to start it
We started this thing between us based on *******, but it's not being continued as such
So why is that the only conversation I can easily get out of him?

Sometimes I'm afraid because it hurts me, but I know that's not his intentions
And I'm more afraid if I tell him how I truly feel.. then he's going to get tired of me at one point
Annoyed by my actions and constant throbbing emotions
Distanced because of the way I cling onto him so deeply
I just hate how I feel at times, the worst part is..
That I'm the one pushing my emotions off the cliff
And making things ten times harder than they need to be.

I want you to express your feelings to me.
I'm over here constantly telling you how I feel
I base my relationships off of emotions which might not be your way, but it is a huge part of mine
I need to hear how you truly feel sometimes without me completely asking for it
Or trying to play guessing games with myself
I hear all about our ****** desires and fantasies
I hear all about our intimate touches and loving gestures but..
I want to know how you truly feel about me, and about our upcoming relationship.
That's something that is very important to me.

Every single day you remind me what it feels like to be loved
To be cared for
To be understood.
Sometimes I get afraid that I will hurt you, completely annoy you, disregard you
I get more worried about this rather than the other way around.
I become afraid that one day you'll be tired of my **** and walk up, and leave me.
To this day, I don't know why you waited for me.. for MONTHS.
We had only started talking for some time, barely even a month
And yet you still felt I was close to heart enough to wait for.
I don't even know how you tolerate me half the time
My emotions are always at an all time high or low
Depending on my mood and situation,
Yet every single day you treat me with the same respect and passion as you normally would.
I've learned a lot from you already, and when August comes, I know I will be completely safe with you.. and around you
I trust you.