In the twilight of dreams
The hollow corridors echo
Louder than ever before
The walls are smeared
In nostalgia
Memories creep in
And congests weary minds
Of youths stripped of youth
Circumstance makes
The heart grow old

In our refusal
To lay down our arms
To the hollow
We march onwards
Like intrepid lions
Cognizant of unkind truth
The way is long
If we crumble now
We may never recover.

A temporary abode
Built in the void
of a misguided heart
A life littered
With casualties
Of unbridled pretense
Callous and cruel
Daylight persecutes
The hands that held

Endlessly
Searching for your face
In a crowded place
He will never forget
How the sun rises and sets
In your eyes.

Defeaned by the riotous
Expansion and contraction
Of my own heart
The anxious pulsing
Of the red though veins
Sending me into an automatic State of unremitting unease

It roars and bleeds
In a melodramatic fashion
It's infinite desires reverberate
Relentlessly in my head
I cannot contain it
I cannot contain
The hurt it harbours

Precise incision

Secretion of vena sera

Immortalising the hideous actions

Of my adolescence.

The peculiar
Transient state of feeling
Visits at night
Under darkened skies
Tucked in the Velveret air’s
Warm embrace
Only then do I have
The audacity
To wrench away
All of my inhibitions

The dreaded daylight comes
Ever so swiftly
In it’s presence
I still choke
On the almost

Cowering in limbo
Waiting for salvation
Have mercy on me,
I am no ordinary woman.

Poetry gushing out
From a severed artery
Everything is bleeding
Away from me.

I am perplexed I haven't collapsed under the heavy weight of
irony.... yet

July 19 2013

Deep in thought
I glance at my hands
Shaking from feeling inadequate
I should have aimed higher
Pushed the envelope.
I am embarrassed of my so called
accomplishments
Petty accomplishments

All at once these feelings and
thoughts come and go from
nowhere lately though, it seems…
they never leave… perpetual sorrow
This is who I am now

I’m sick of being put on a pedestal,
I dread the day when they find out
I’m not as brilliant and bright as
they think I am
I am nobody, I am nothing, why
can’t they see that

I’ve become so good at pretending
I have now fully become what was
portrayed

The veil will pulled at any moment,
I’m failing to contain the lies,
It’s exhausting
Bursting at the seams
I will be unmasked.

These pernicious deeds....

Clenched jaw
A trail of the bright-red
And spit
Dribble from the mouth

Stifled mutterings
Of this ends today
Float in the air

Oh, how the need
To stop the engine
Exacerbates
When exchanging
Menacing glances with death

Wrestle the lethargy

The familiar
Awakened guilt
Gnaws away.

Notions of romance
Set my being ablaze
As the sun rose up from the east
Idealism bloomed
In the barren
Lands of my heart  

Farther ascent to the heights
Of obsession and want
What occupied my mind
Before it was consumed
With thoughts of you

That autumn
I wrote only of desire
I wrote of you.

Indifference lingering
In the catacombs
Of my mind
Diffidence hissing
Proclaiming it's presence
Midnight's cold embrace
As I stand
On the precipice of probability.

Across the meadow
Halation stretched
As the sun kissed the bay
The sound of waves
Murmuring in the distance
Where like whispers
Falling on ears eager
For reassurance
Soothing, forgiving
Mending the very fabric of existence
Once shredded
Beyond repair

Mother nature had just
Birthed September
Along with the rudiments
Of designing a new dawn.

Clenched fists and a heavy heart
It's all your fault!
Shifting blame, with reason
The blood that runs through my veins, that which we share makes me ill
Bleeding shoulder and filled with hate
Fearful of bursting into flames, disintegrating
Like I always do
And it's all because of you

I seem to enjoy the fact that you
drove a rusted spike into my back because at least then you owe me and it’s another reason to hate you
The bittersweet taste of betrayal

Should I yank the wretched spike out  and slit my own throat?
I'll be gone and you'll be sorry
I refuse to....
I won't be driven to erase myself by the likes of you
I will give you my anger no more
Emptying the jars of tears once collected
Riding it out until my time comes
Got a point to prove
I will not let you win

The soul you murdered is coming back to haunt you
A force to be reckoned with
Christened with anger
Calcified anger  
All I see in front of my eyes is red

I eagerly wait for your downfall, just for my amusement
If you had a heart I would freeze it with a cold disposition then shatter it into pieces as your eyes widen.

I have never quite understood
The mathematics of us
Or what the missing link
To the equation of our
Mutual adoration was
Perhaps,
It was the abundance of will
With the tragic absence of a way
That led to such a mournful conclusion.

I am floundering in all my attempts to be grown up
Self imposed crippling adulthood expectations cemented on my shoulders
Dwelling on my own insignificance
All the while having a strong conviction that I am destined for greatness
What a cliché it is to be a paradox

I dentity crisis....
I don't have time to have an identity crisis.
I'm in a perpetual state of chaos amidst chronic stagnation
Not change... No
That never happens
For me....

I have been ****** into the wilderness that is reality
The immensity of the wings on my back is more than I can bear  
Weighing me down
They won't let me fly
I feel so small... Unable
I should be flying like everybody else but then again I have always  been late to bloom.

Can I please read my own mind
Why is it I feel nothing?
A colossal milestone ahead of me
It's only a matter of time
I have dreamt about this day for years
I strongly feel like I am where I have always been
I deluded myself into thinking that after this triumph everything would fall into place
And yet here I am, the castle I built in the air fell  down on top of me and crushed me
The cruelty of the mind and it's illusion of choice
Everything is out of my hands now

The pursuance of my dreams diminished what I already had.. Who I was
Everything I do is never good enough for me, gnawing hunger to succeed and be what I should be eating me up inside
Constant state of unrest
I cannot turn back, I'm gone

How did this hollowness find me and why do I cherish it on most days.

Flickering halo

Comatose and forgotten

Abandoned

On the corner of despondency

......and shame

Mutilated with the scalpel of false hope

Exacerbated ruin

Razor thin backbone

Just another ill-fated cliché

A dweller of the peripheral

Entrapped by screaming silence.

Sinking into the abysm of the dark corridors of my mind
Here, In darkness where every thought becomes so clear
Each breath mirrored by silence
And this solitude forever drills tiny holes into bits of me
I shudder when I catch my own reflection in the mirror
My tormentor looks just like me.

Visions of wilted lilies
Lifeless raven strewn backyards
Grass robbed of it’s green
Bleeding rivers
Mayhem

Faces contorted with distress
Shrieking
Silence
Shrieking
Silence

The annihilation of bliss
To leave behind
A legacy of pain.

Ensnared in your lasso
My beloved
Dazed by the toxicity
You exude
The glorious mystique
That which you possessed
Faded eons ago
Yet I am still
Binded and blinded
By the calamitous
Hurricane
That is you

Nights we sit
Your breath
On my shoulder
Mumbling lies and filth
Feeding the disturbance
With crazed notions
Altering me

Skewed self-perception
Bleeding hope

Futile attempts
To evade our
Ruinous union
To find myself
Restrained tighter
In the grip of your claws  

Summer times you stole
Memories ought
To have been created
Laughter never felt

Death caught my scent
But I will depart another day
Standing on the edge
Of a tight rope
On borrowed courage
I won't be yours forever.

When I pray
I smell mother on my words
And I weep
Her voice lives in the spaces
Between the words I utter
The resonance
Sometimes, l
I am afraid to speak
In fear of what will wake.

I have been seeking solace
In fantasies
Of meeting my quietus
All my pleas to the maker
To be exonerated from the tyranny of drudgery
Fell to the wind

In the throes
Of self-abasement
I have been torn asunder
And rue haunts me
Like no ghost ever could

I don't quite know
Where this road
With no footmarks leads
Marching into the uncharted
All what my eyes perceive
Are visions of fractured glass
As I stare into the distance of a destiny painted in eerie hues.

The light of the moon
Eclipsed the shadow of earth
It’s symbolism of rebirth
Was evidence of
Possibilities yet to be

Fleeting as hope is
As Illusionary
As the departure of pain is
On that October evening
We tore what remained asunder
And cast it to the bitter winds
Sorrow breathed
It’s final breath.