Try to not make eye contact with the agony.

when you departed
I found a new world
one of undying silence
and an alien language
without anyone to speak it to
I thought I knew of grief
And the depths
of my gothic sea
I didn't know
when you departed
I died
so did my words
and the atoms of me
The sea swallowed me whole
all I can see is a widening bruise
on some strange body
I can't recognise
and the careful managing of
sorrow strung of denial and disbelief
I can hear the humming of
the dirge of my heart's demise
The soil of overcome
balanced on the very edge of everything
My hands shake
The will to be is
the silence and the ache
is buried so deep with me
it will take years to separate me
from my mildewed heart.

I still find the the ache in new places
In the memory of still water
In the tinge of early autumn
And in the west of day
It sits in my soup
In the dulled stare
I packed my faculties
Looking for somewhere
that doesn't hurt.
I still find the the ache in new places
that know not of my grief.

careful what you say
it will haunt
and when it haunts, interrupts
I don't want to be interrupted
I've lost too much

I still walk down that path
My hands still find themselves tracing the edges of turned pages
of a dusty book
I still drag my feet along the wasteland
And the edge, always the edge
The dirge has faded
The anger lulled
Neither sorrow nor regret
Just being
I know not why my bones find themselves
Gazing in the centre of nothing.