I so desperately
wanted to see her in
myself
So that she would not be lost
forever
I traced my frail features
From the topography of my irises
To the fold of my nose
The thin of my lips
I found an avalanche of
memories of her and me
in the deep of my eyes
and the curve of my face
The brown of my skin
lay the very fabric of remembrance
Of what it was like to be her daughter
I wept until I couldn't see.

It went dark
Without warning
I blurred at the edges
From violet to blue to indigo
And black
It settled in modicum of
Sanity
And in it's place
There it was
Settling in my bone
This emergency
This terror
I descended along with it
Feel it now I said, be done with it
And be free
Grief flying away from your
Body
I am almost free, I think
Until the cold grip of a nightmare
Takes hold
Then there's blood everywhere
And this hint of madness
Lulling me into senselessness
I blur at the edges
From violet to indigo to black
These revolving doors of remembrance
Entraps
Somethings can never be escaped.

I am sorry,
I could not catch
your breath before
your soul departed
from your body
Had I succeeded in doing so
These burning hauntings
Would not be embedded
In my fragile pyche
Perhaps your ascent
Would have been
More ethereal
Less troubled
Peaceful
I am sorry
I couldn't do that one thing
for you.

Blooms to break
Like wildflowers
Corroding spine, brittle
Wrapped in debris
Clouds dissipating
between fervent hands
Precious transiency
Soil in my fingers, still
This unforgiving flood
Drowning me at sea.