A certain iota of bliss in dark times because you choose to remain aloof.

30 July 2013

I am perplexed I haven't collapsed under the heavy weight of
irony.... yet

July 19 2013

Impaled on corrosed spikes

Eviscerated and immobile

The silent devouring

By countless debauched ghosts

With different agendas

And insatiable appetite

For my flesh.

An image representing me

Would be a fading silhouette

Under darkening cobalt blue skies

Fragrant blossomings falling
        
From magnolia trees

Running...........

Leaving etchings of footsteps
    
On the terrain

Vermilion hues illuminating
                  
As I go.

My dear
I have never told you
I used to be jealous
Of the moonlight
The way it got to kiss you
Goodnight on the cheek
It cut like a knife
The yearning

In your infuriating eternal oblivion
And I in my juvenile infatuation

I would love nothing more than
To watch you smoulder into ash
By the flame I carried
And kept burning for you.

These feelings of hopelessness
attack me constantly like a tidal wave
And when they do they leave
me feeling like I will forever live
my life being trivial.

It’s something I can’t explain
Like how the wind blows
suddenly and violently and in
it’s aftermath leaves nothing but
pandemonium.

I feel overwhelmed by my own emotions.
My ability to control them
diminishes everyday.
If my future is something that
is in the cards
I want it now.

This feeling of longing for distant places and different people is consuming me.
I long for a life I have never had…
Not something better…
Something different.

I miss someone I have never met…
Someone I am not sure even exists.
I cannot accept that this is all I will
ever be

There is a possibility that things
will change and a possibility it will stay the same.
The odds are it will get worse if
I don’t stop digging myself into a
bottomless pit.

I am screaming silently only I can
hear the harsh sounds of my
stifled screams
The noise is deafening.

I feel like I have been falling off a cliff since the day I was born..
When will I finally slam onto the ground
I am not afraid anymore..

Maybe I need to reach an even
lower rock bottom
before I can stop fighting myself
It comes and goes in gigantic
waves and it leaves me feeling
like I will never be more than this.

             12 September 2013