Placing Rebekah in her box
And storing her in the garage
Nevermind it cost me my teenage savings
To have her in my ownership back then
Lord knows I have tried
To master this fine art that comes easily to some
Memory fails me
Consistency is key
I am impatient and my fingers are rigid
And in all honesty I am not gifted in that general category

Don't get me started on the barrage of requests from family members
who beg me to whip out Rebekah at family affairs
With full expectation of  me blowing them away
Highly unlikely, folks

Perhaps I could leave her in the corner of my room
For aesthetic purposes
She is after all a beauty.

I identify with a book on the wooden shelf collecting dust
In an unoccupied study with immaculate furniture
No dog ears, coffee stains or marks
No one has ever read it
Or dared to browse through the pages
They walk past it

It's content is filled with haphazard revelations of the self
With splatterings of philosophy and *******
The more you read
It gets darker
An absence of transparency
An enigma grows
No one will ever know
It remains closed

Like a deceptacon
Visually appealing from afar but as they walk towards it something repels them

Though heartbreaking
A fine read it is
No ending written
The author is still evolving
Faultering and changing the conclusion as she treads the treacherous terrain of life.

The empress of self-preservation
****** to death by her own overpowering emotions,
How ironic.

Late night dip into the metaphorical dense pool of delusion and subtle mania
Blood raging with residue of hypnotics
Deem me unstable and troubled
I cannot explain nor can I excuse my behaviour anymore

Falling in reverse
At a speed faster than lightning
The rapidity of the fall is overwhelming
This absence of order
Where is it leading me to
Will it ever cease to torment

Birthing a nicotinic habit
Nauseated
I can't seem to rid of this stench of impurity

Tell them to not bother feeding me reason or positivity
There is no emotion to make it sink in
In the hollow that is my being
Their words echo & die out without impact

One month was all I could afford
Then the inevitable crumbling of the clumsily put together puzzle
Futility in my attempts at reassembling
The puzzle pieces no longer fit.

As the dark shadows chant sacrificial hymns
Unfazed, a psychotic smile planted on my face
I drink from the cup of death
Cold steel claws rip out my innards and my soul

Yours, just one more for the fire.

Here,
In a prison of our own design
Held hostage by our disturbed psyches
We are robot-like beings
It's as though we have been programmed to perpetuate the  destruction of our selves

Products of faulty wiring, we are
Razor blades tickle our trembling wrists
And we beg to the gods to vanish without a trace

I am not afraid to fall deeper into the murky waters as long as it's with you
The sadness in your eyes complements the sadness in mine

Let's drown in wine, shall we?
Feed our arteries with substance so we can feel
There won't be any healing, I know
The depression is forever in  presence
Our pain is a chronic wound.