i never believed people
when they said they put on a mask
to hide their pain
but i do it without noticing

i am confident
i am secure

but that's not true
because i do not show the real me
i don't think people would like that side

confidence is key,
right?

it's such a shame



you were in front of me



and I couldn't recognise you.

as i look into the mirror,
i start to notice all of the things
i despise about myself

i notice my pale body
and the veins that protrude through my skin

my fingernails are chipped
from the black and red polish
and the skin around it is peeled
from my teeth

the beauty marks trail down my cheeks
and onto my arms
leaving traces of dark spots everywhere

my green eyes speak of sorrow
and they darken within every night
that i stay awake with my insomnia

i hold my body, without ever looking at, it too closely
and the tears within cry out
in shame

it asks me why i cannot love it,
why i dig into it,
why it's not beautiful enough
and i cannot tell it a good enough reason

i blame the world,
i say it maddens me
and i crave the look of impossible

to my body,
i am terribly sorry for picking apart too many things that you cannot fix

i wish i could be kinder
though it is hard to be
in such a difficult society

i will preach self-love
until it comes to myself

ans