MrRight or maybe now or later
Dear Mr.Right,

I think I understand now.

And I get it .

We sit waiting.
Seconds.minutes.hours. days.
For the someone in our life to complete us,

to wrap our wounds and mend our hearts.
To laugh at the jokes  we tell even when they aren’t funny. no especially when they aren’t funny.

To challenge us and to make us forget, but allow us the space to remember.

To know when we want to be held,

but don’t know how to ask,

a mate,

a lover,

a friend.

And we wait.

Believing and hoping they will come and rescues us from the tower,

to fight off the demons and the dragons of the mundane day to day life.

And to win our hand, for rescuing us.

And we sit and wait as we expect them to tear down the walls of our imprisonment whether mental or concrete,

as we become less,

we become dormant,

when we have been given the same tools and opportunities to tie up the bed sheets or cascade our hair down, to escape,

to be free, wasting away in the waiting

I want to warn you

I am not sitting on my bed waiting,

do not look for me in the kitchen making the pies to appease your hunger,

I am out collecting treasures,

and having adventures,

and making memories

with hook and finding my way with pirates,

and traipsing with sinners while believing in saints,

you wont find me with apple scented skin but maybe lemons,

or grass,

or the sea salt ocean

or dandelions,

because I am lying in the meadow looking up at the stars breathing in cold air,

and thinking of you

but you will not find me waiting for the world to be put back on its axis or ask atlas to put down his burden,

im not running away, but Im not waiting in a tower held high above life.

Ill be among the disciples and the hipsters, brushing off the mud of my jeans and rolling down hills with children,

kissing boo boos  and fighting my own demons.

And one day we’ll meet and I ll ask you where were you when I was waiting and maybe you will say looking for you. or maybe you’ll say I was waiting for you. And we’ll be happy to find each other.

I will not let life pass me by while i am waiting, but Ill put pieces of me in all my letters left to tell you of my adventures,

If you thought Id be less pirate more princess I’m sorry to say maybe it’s better this way. I am not dormantly waiting,I want too much for that, I  want to know me before I find you. I want to be single and appreciate the entire bed and not having to share, to look in the mirror and to know my own worth and beauty, and maybe these things will come later in life before or while you are around. I know not your name or the hour in which we’ll meet but tonight I’m thinking of you. Catch me of you can.

with a smile,
a wink,
the rapt attention
I bestow,
I give love to strangers
people who don't ever catch my name, who dont stop long enough to
I give love to fantasy people cardboard cutouts who my be real in front of me but have no knowledge,
of my war,
the inner struggles  that cause ravage in my soul
ridden cage,
I give love to strangers people that wont remember,
that wont recall
the stretch of my smile or the thickness of my thighs
I give love to the mail man,
push it out over my hands, to blow kisses into his face
it wraps around his chin and climbs up the gap and sits on his cheeks,
rosy and stained,
I give love to the children being yelled at two cars behind me in the drive thru line,
I love you, I don't know why she's acting like this but boys one day youll know she loved you,
but she was broken and tired with excuses
I give love to the man who sits by me, rattling the table so badly with his shakes,
and the ever scent rolling off his clothes,
that smell like broken promises leading up to his broken home,
I love you,
I give love to the strangers rich or poor broken scattered collected gathered,
I give love to faceless people, the ones who fight overseas,
never knowing me,
I give love to strangers,
because I cant seem to use it on me.

because when I turn it to me,
the light burns the whispers screams,
the love too tight,
hugs too close,
kisses too intense,
love too much,
oil over water and blood,
lotion over bones,
its too hot for the cold

and my love for you was a song
but you carried out your version
like an eviction notice
somthing that would irrovokably alter your life purpose of coasting

Dinosaurs were in existence for 160 million years.
**** Sapiens have been in existence merely 200,000 years.
Will humans remain the dominant species on Earth... or are we simply a phase of life that will eventually be replaced? ...and if so, how so? Will mankind extinguish itself? Or is mankind -is the aspect of life itself- some type of chess game played by the Gods of the universe? By Gods of the universe... do I literally mean spiritual Gods and anointed souls... or do I mean the physical and chemical forces that construct and compose the world beyond the world that we live in.
What about dimensions?
Are the crossable?
Should I mention; they say that human beings are the most intelligent creatures alive. We exist and thrive off energies and vibes yet how many of us utilize the potentials possessed within us? Does that make us less intelligent than they say?
But who is 'they'?
Who believes in the extraterrestrial?
Who believes in Magic?
Are dreams a portal to things unforeseen?
Is there a higher power, or are all things reasonable and explainable through the documentations of science?
Have you ever pondered the wonders of Faith?
Does everything happen for a reason, or are all things coincidental?
Knowledge is Power and Evolution is Revolution.

"i dont love you
                                                                                but i always will'

i scratch at bruises,
i press my flesh and
im still bleeding bruises
of blue and black and purple
and have come to find comfort and sorrows song
                            " I dont love you , I always will"