i'll dry my own eyes
for the summer
and hope that I can hold
a heart gently this time.
been trying to conceal
the internal conflict showing
under my eyes, with glitter.
I hate that you're the one
who has someone, night after night
And you still ask why I can't sleep.
think i'll sit out this weekend.
again

rage diet you keep feeding
with empty promises.
you want to hold my hand
while the rest of me falls apart.
i really like you, but a little less
when you touch me.
the rage is distorting my face
and you still call me pretty

They tell us to be brighter than the darkness that surrounds us
But what of the ever encroaching darkness that lies just within?

summers in the air
(and all my bad intentions too)
i skipped playing 21 questions
'cause i had so much to hide.
still not sure how to cover the scars.
quite evidently, everyone wants to believe
everything but the truth

I lost my mind the moment
I tied my sanity to boys with soft smiles.
falling hard has become my aesthetic

i pray for sleep tonight
and if i do sleep,
i pray i wake up the same person.
i know you're tired of the different sides
and i'm too tired to pretend i care

this year i have known loss
like an unpredicted storm.
i lost my mind,
long before i ever admitted i did,
to the tempest raging inside,
kicking up everything in her path.
i tried to stay where the sun is
but I've been sobbing for a wink of sleep
at 3am.
i fill the restlessness
with twisted allegories about a future
in which my mind isn't in smithereens.
i line my eyes brightly to distract you
from the madness and sadness
wildly coursing behind them.
and you believed me when i told you i was okay.