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May 2016 · 497
chaos (a poem)
nika May 2016
you
you are the chaos storm
that I've been waiting for
for a home to
taste the lips of a love
loving me in all of my forms
for the love of god
stay
stay with me and never leave
my sin behind without
you
but the bite marks in my skin
will not be lost
to the chaos under yours
your teeth drag the chaos out of
me
spend the rest of your eternity
eternally within my grasp
to truly grasp what I mean
when I say I am yours
yours
sincerely and bound
to your soul by mine
mine
to a perfect fit
that's fitting to your tastes
marry me
mumble
your answer into a chaotic forever
where I never have to be without
you
nika Mar 2016
Kiss me
Gently
On the lips
And feel
My love
For you
Then wander
Down my neck
To where
My heart
Stutters and
Beats
An uneven
Tune

Touch me
Softly
On the cheek
And feel
My love
For you
Then drag
Your fingers
Down to my chest
To where
My skin
Shivers
And my *******
Bloom

Hold me
Tenderly
In your arms  
And feel
My love
For you
Then press
Every inch of me
Against you
To where
My need
Becomes
Your need
Too

Wet me
Thoroughly
From the inside out
And feel
My love
For you
Then taste
My depths
Wave by wave
To where
My ecstasy
Escapes
As a moan
Your cue

Want me
Desparately
Every inch
And feel
Your need
For me
Then kiss
Your way
Up my body
To where
Our eyes
Meet
And we become
The two-backed beast

**** me
Hard
Like you love me
And feel
My being  
Shiver
Then wait
Move closer
Lean into me
To where
Our bodies
Collide
And we become
Lovers

Make love to me
Truly
Bare your soul
And feel
Our love
As it burns
Then I'll whisper
I love you
As you move deeper
To where
We shake with
Pleasure
In our
Turns

Embrace me
Clumsily
Skin to sweat to skin
And feel
My breath
Across you
Then keep your thoughts
On your tongue
For some time
To where
You find the words to
Say
You love me
Too

Kiss me
Gently
On the lips
And feel
My love
For you
Then reach
Across the sheets
In the dark
To where
Your hands find
Me
Waiting for round
Two
Jan 2016 · 572
just you (and me)
nika Jan 2016
You
It's all just you now
I love you, you know
And I just
I just want you
Now and
And tomorrow
The day after that too
When I'm forty
After that as well
Just you
And me
Also lots of those moments
You know
Those ones with sunlight
And crumpled sheets
Messy hair and smiles
And kissing you
Kissing you a lot
Just you
And me
Loving you
And your eyes
Because they're beautiful
And you're beautiful
I want you
Just you
For as long as you're you
And I'm me
And hopefully that's always
Even though always isn't a thing
But I'll love you always anyway
I love you
Just you
Because, well
I don't know
Because you're you
And I'm me
Loving you because
Every inch of you is for me
To love
So yeah
It's just you
And me
So just know that
That I love you
And I want to be with you
Just you
And me
Loving your voice
And laugh
Your laugh is my favourite
It's the happiest sound
Your laugh makes me happy
And you
You make me happy
So happy
You know?
I think you know
Anyway
I do have a point
And my point is
I love you
Just you
A lot
That's all
It's all you
Just
You
nika Dec 2015
Taste the time
Between each
Tick
To waste
Away
The waiting
Hours
Before birds
Begin
To strip
Night's darkness
Down
To imminent
Dawn

Touch
The space
Between skin
And bone
With tenderness
We are
Broken still
Not yet
Revealed by
The unkind
Rising sun
In silhouettes
Of shattered
Souls

Shiver
For the
Salty sins
Of lovers
Lending sugar
To the sour
Lives of
One another
Under covers
Woven out of
Cosmic whispers
That murmur
The word
Of morning

Kiss the thoughts
That chase
That smile
To the corners
Of your
Senseless lips
Numbed by bitter
Narcissism
Bit back
Before the harsh
Light of
The sun showed
The lies told
And heard

Wander through
The passing
Winds
Weaving words
Of silent
Sounds
A sussurus
Of unlit streets
Telling tales
Of your small
Bare feet
Leaving little
Footprints on the
First light's breeze

Smell the desire
Caught in
Dewdrop sentiments
The madness
In the dampened
Minds of men
****** to be
Unsatisfied with
The cold moon's
Movements across
Unforgiving skies
Towards an
Unconvincingly
Carved horizon

Crawl at last
Into the light
And rest  
The remainder
Of your
Sweet sanity
That has tasted time
Untouched by shivers
Or kisses that wander
The breezes that
Smell like
Insomnia or a
Fear of the
Unknown
nika Dec 2015
I am in love
With the freckles
In your right eye
The islands
That keep me from drowning
In your depths
And ground me to reality

I am in love
With the scars
Across your shoulders
That have no story
And might be burns
Familiar to my fingertips
At a single touch

I am in love
With the blue ink
Across the right of your chest
A quote from some film
About an existential crisis
Printed on skin
You're my favourite book

I am in love
With your love
For clichéd things
Like pictures of moons
And quotes that are lame
But most of all your thoughts
Of moonlit oceans and love

I am in love
With the way
You give without regret
Of the loss of money
Or time spent
Without ever expecting
Anything back

I am in love
With the mess
That you're always in
Your creased clothes
And your car
And the chaos that is
Your daily routine

I am in love
With the curls
In your ***** blonde hair
I like when its short
And looks tidy and good
But I love when its long
So I can run my fingers though it

I am in love
With the smile
You have just for me
The slightest little curve
Of your lips to the left
That makes me smile
Whether I want to or not

I am in love
With the way
That you see me as someone
That I'd like to be
As someone worthy
Of the love
You've given me

I am in love
With your hands
And how they fit every inch
Of my body just right
Like a piece of me
Just wasn't there
Before

I am in love
With your promise
That bloomed out of silver
That you'll stay for a while
Like a drop in the ocean
Caught in a hand that might
Be able to hold onto it

I am in love
With you
Your chaos
Your flaws
Your promise
Your love
Endlessly
Nov 2015 · 438
maybe (just maybe)
nika Nov 2015
maybe lungs were built for floods
and maybe
just maybe
that's enough

maybe hearts were built for flames
and maybe
just maybe
love is tame
nika Nov 2015
I've learned a thing or two
that I was never taught
and no one ever told me
things I picked up
along the way
like burrs stuck to the end
of my sleeve

If you don't want them to know
that you kissed that boy
then don't wear red lipstick
(or any dark shade)
that might leave a mark
across his pretty little face
or on his rosebud lips

Don't put out a cigarette
and then light it again
it'll have a bad taste
(no matter how recent)
the same goes for old flames
don't light them again
it will never feel the same

Some people are friends
and others are not
try to come to peace with this
(if you succeed tell me how)
try not to try so very hard
to impress the indifferent
with who you are not

The very best company
will always be your own
so get to know yourself
(even if you don't like yourself)
take yourself out for coffee
and catch up on the events that have
transpired since your last moment alone


Start a coin jar
to keep on your shelf
and empty your pockets into it
(everytime you get home)
keep it there for minor emergencies
like greasy takeout at 2am
or a sorely needed pack of smokes

Have a plan for the future
don't wait till you're there
to map out your journey in a hurry
(though nothing will happen as you plan it)
your ideas will change constantly
but you will always be moving forward
towards a destination

Do not ever in your life
leave an empty milk carton
in the refrigerator
(this applies to all things in life)
just simply replace it
do not make it a problem
for the next person in want of milk

Don't ask questions
you don't want to know
the answer to
(don't be curiosity's *****)
know your mind enough
to know the things
you do not want to know

Don't be with someone who
doesn't think you're beautiful
first thing in the morning
(and tells you so repeatedly)
you will never be content with
one another if coffee is the only
thing that makes you feel alive at 5am

And finally
paint with the big brush
outside of the lines
use every color you can find
do so with passion
and you will be unstoppable
and content
nika Oct 2015
having always been afraid
of heights
it makes me happier
than can be explained
that when
I found myself
in love with you
I hadn't fallen
but had been carried
moment by moment
into the deepest
purest love
I have ever known
though in finding
myself in unfamiliar depths
panic crept in
suggesting that
falling might be better
as you land in the shallows
but the sound of panic
could not be heard
over the sound
of a universe
transpiring to lead me into a future
that I have not yet
come to understand
beyond the feeling of finding
my way back home
but I haven't quite grown into this soul
that matches the one that you have
but a ghost of a promise
was made for a time
when I fit into a soul
that belongs with yours
until oblivion sends us searching once more
Oct 2015 · 386
I did not know (forgive me)
nika Oct 2015
I did not know
until you turned around
you had the perfect ***
forgive me
for not falling in love
with your face
or your conversation
nika Oct 2015
I am leaving my dear
  one of us has to go
    and I don't think  
      no
I know that it won't be you
  my love
    we are haunting these walls
       with the memories of a beginning
          that has long since passed
I know my angel
  that this hurts
     I know
       that this is tearing a hole in your heart
I know because my own heart
    is moth eaten and
      and if I could find a way
        to rekindle this love again
I would my sweet
   I swear it
      but the nights are too long and we're shackled
    to a love that once was
a fire that burned beyond the obvious
  the obvious
the obvious that we could never keep
      the storm from eventually blowing
over
and I know I'm rambling on my dove
but
    but I can't leave until I'm certain
           positive
that you understand I am not leaving
because  
    I don't love you anymore
   I am leaving because I believe
that if I steal your essence any longer from the world
    that you shall crumble in my hands
   and I will cease to be
so you see my dear I have to go
    because I believe that we both deserve
more
nika Oct 2015
"are you awake?"
she whispered
to my almost lifeless corpse
as if it were a question
as if for all the world
I could sleep
over the sound of her quickly beating heart
"awake"
I replied

"good"
she mumbled
with the quiet satisfaction of a cat
as if it were her own small triumph
that against the sound of her rising breath
and the falling of mine
sleep couldn't be bothered to fight
"what's the matter?"
I replied

"what if the drugs aren't the problem"
she said
too loudly for my grated senses
but too softly for me to understand
for if drugs were not the reason
for the emptiness in our eyes
and the gaps visible between skin and bone
the holes in our clothes and our social skills
then what in gods name was
"what do you mean"
I replied

"what if the sober are lost on the inside
as we are lost without"
she said with a raspy voice
as if she was proving a point
I thought of my mother and all of her friends
their small sober minds
their existential questions
we did not ask where we came from
or where we go when we die
because we know
we've seen it
was this quiet drug addict
lying across my chest
with her soul in her hands
she was
"I think you're right"
I replied

"I think so"
she said
with a quick coy smile
as she lit up two cigarettes
and handed me one
justifying ourselves and our ways
that's all that we do anymore
its how we get by
its how we can steal cheat and lie
without a morsel of remorse
stuck in our yellowing teeth
"oh god this is how we die"
I replied
nika Oct 2015
life is a cosmic joke
he said
as he drained his glass of purpose
she watched as he paid and turned to leave
his movements proving his point
for what real purpose do we have
when all we do is live and die
and whisper to deities in the sky.

life is a cosmic joke
she said
when the till was short again
and drinks were missing from their bottles
as meaning was from her existence
he watched as she left
for the very last time
from a job that she hated
like the life he despised

life is a cosmic joke
he said
as he lit up his last cigarette
and sat in the cold outside his bar
next to a homeless man
with as little hope of a good long life
as anyone else he'd ever met
in a world of perpetual sunset

life is a cosmic joke
he said
as he warmed his hands
over a dying fire
with a young man
who was lost or some such
he took the ragged gloves off his hands
and tried to feel his fingers again
in vain
as all the world is
in trying to find some hidden bliss

life is a cosmic joke
he said
as he crossed another identical street
next to a woman or maybe a girl
who was crying about a lost lover
he walked and he wandered
but he never found it
even with all his persistence
as we never find meaning for our existence

life is a cosmic joke
she said
as she wept into my hair
mascara running down her cheeks
as she told of her terrible break up
and the way he used to hit her  
and how she was glad he was gone
but how she wished he would come back
her indecision mirroring that of all the world
do we matter or are we matter
which illusion is left to shatter

life is a cosmic joke
I wrote
over and over
like some meaningful quote
as if it mattered if it was in a poem
or if someone read it
it doesn't need to be said
to be known
it stands on its own

life is a cosmic joke
nika Oct 2015
water sits in untouched cups
the walls are reflecting white
the dust floats past my eyelashes
just visible in the paintbrush light

ice is drawn across my skin
rush hour has a start
a horse above the kitchen sink
when will my mind depart

the sun is on our side this time
a blanket on the grass
a dragon joins the picnic
with a paper cast

the barbed wire carries a bird
with the whips of curiosity
the taste of mint and Sunday's smell
a struggle with verbosity

a note cannot be made you see
until the cat has gone to church
but faded gloves and gardening
only serve to disturb

peter likes his hair done up
he doesn't care for pines
and when the message is received
the cat returns and whines

the tongue of flavored pineapples
is not of well bred taste
the journey to the wooden arch
is horrendous and done with haste

taste and journey go hand in hand
in bowls of purple flowers
then tones are harsh and music loud
the dragon has the power

green tea sits in a hot blue mug
while hands grasp at the breeze
a jar is mentioned in passing
and the currency becomes cheese

confessions are softly spoken
across pillows by broken voices
love admitted and promises made
this is how we made our choices
nika Oct 2015
Lips licked of the salty dew
That once was sweet and fresh
And new.
Valleys carved in thighs of snow
That once were luscious and laden
With gold.
Tiny purple flowers bloom on skin
That once was healthy but has since
Grown thin.
Tears often fall, much like rain
That once was caused by joy, now
By pain.
A forest burned beyond repair
That once rose and fell with the
Passing air.
High hills have sunken into cheeks
That once were supported by the
Cavities beneath.
Forsaken is the home of the skies
That once dwelled so peacefully in
Blue eyes.
The blinding ivory of perfect teeth
That once lay at the surface, now
Buried so deep.
Laid to ruin is the beauty of some
That once were so innocent and
So young.
*****, abused, addicted, depressed.
Why did our world become so
Very distressed?

— The End —