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I have seen,
Yes, I have seen,
Deep inside your mind:
The dreams, such wonder.
Forces, some, your own design,
Are trying to break you,
Destroy you mentally,
Making you afraid,
Making you cower,
Making you cut, and cut,
And bleed, blood, red blood.
Then blame yourself,
So you give up on yourself,
Give up on life, hate life.
I suspect these forces,
Some of your own design,
Desire to make you weak,
Make you lose hope,
All hope, all joy, all love.
In your dreams, such dreams,
I know you are strong,
I know you can fight, will fight,
Given a chance, save yourself,
Then; given a chance,
Save others, truly,
Save us all, this,
I have seen.

© Paul Chafer 2014
If the hat fits, wear it. Poem taken from a paragraph of my first novel, Dark Dragon, released on Amazon April/May 2014, price 95p
The innocence of a sunrise,
a dance in the middle of the street,
putting on pjs and getting some early morning fries,
a simple love, a love thats new,
watching the sunrise, and staring at the sky while swinging and tasting the blue,
hands getting sweaty,
and nights are too long,
there is no such thing as a sad song,
and if there is, its to remind you what you have left behind,
clouded mind,
full of future times
that always seem so golden
while the past seems to fade away,
a butterfly in the tummy,
its forcing its way through,
a simple love, a love that's new.

It's long past,
and the love wasnt the last,
it was cute and fun,
that made me like everything a little bit better and brighter, including the sun,
it was easy and made sense,
but now we just look over the fence,
at other loves that have made things work,
we may grab hands and say were certain,
but as we around us begins to fall the curtain,
separating our yards,
throwing into the air all 52 cards,
grabbing and screaming at the air,
I do not dare, try and break the steel curtain,
and through the holes I can see her smile,
who knew it would be here and gone so fast,
looking back on the past,
it was a love that couldnt last.

Now every time I see,
lovers saying "I'll never leave",
I get a butterfly forced in my tummy,
it pulls oot its money,
and buys a beer,
flapping around drunk and insecure,
making me stumble and run,
and listen as the song is sung,
making the new songs sound blue,
I miss that simple love,
a love that's new.
I wrote this a year ago...I think it ends a little wonky, but I also think its badass nonetheless...I want to be in love again, but I dont want to go through the whole beginning, I just want to grab a ******* the street and kiss her and ask her in French if we could fall in love, but that would be creepy...plus the beginning is usually the best part, right?...right? girls, they **** me.
I want to kiss the scars on your face.
Not because I want to heal them,
I see that they have already had enough time to heal on their own.
I want to kiss them in hopes that you will learn to give them love like I wish to.
I want to kiss them so that you never regret them.
I want to kiss them so that every morning that you wake up and find them in the mirror again,
you can't help but love them...even if only a little.
I want to teach you to love the parts of you that you find hard to...because I find it easy.
I will teach you how to love yourself.
And if my love is the only reason you love those parts of yourself...the ones you thought you never could,
I will make sure to never stop loving them...so that you will never stop loving them, either.
 Jan 2014 night child
Lizzy
You waved the tool in my face
Causing a switch to go off in my brain
My thoughts distorted
My body springing to action
Trying to make you stop
What you had already done

The new raised lines on your upper arm
Caused by simple office supplies
Wouldn't have happened
If I hadn't left you for just a second
For the moment my back was turned
You were half past gone and a mile away from better

Both of are breathless
The shiny twisted piece of metal
Somewhere on the floor

Sitting across from each other
Your shoulders shook against mine
My tears burned into your shirt
And were mopped up with your brown hair

I spoke through choked sobs
As hurt memories flashed through my brain
Like the trailers of movies
Showing only a quick remembrance
Of my past
That leaked into your present

But you feel as though your present is not a gift
For you're falling down the rabbit hole
Not to Wonderland
But to the land of pills and hospital beds
Where it is not wonderful in any shape or form

Your scars can still heal
If you stopped retracing the red lines you've made
And realized
You are something
I care about you
And so do others
So if you won't try for yourself
Try for them
Try for *me
I'll try for you.
It is currently 1:13 am
I have tears on my pillow
From remembering you

                                   *I am not okay
 Jan 2014 night child
Carrie
Anxiety
 Jan 2014 night child
Carrie
I sat alone another day.
The world was moving all around me,
but it seemed as if my life was in a standstill.
The doctors say its anxiety.
Everyone thinks anxiety means nervousness or fear,
but it is deeper than that.
Anxiety holds you prisoner.
You can't leave your house.

Ding
****
Ding
****

The doorbell rings but I can't answer.
There is too much fear inside.
You can't answer the phone.

Ring
Ring
Ring

"Telephone for you!" my family yells. I
tell them to say that I will call back, but I won't.
You can't eat.

Chomp
Bite
Chew

No, not me. The anxiety
even controls that. All the pain rushes back up with
every little thing I eat.
You can't go out.

Step
Step
Step

Everyone walking around me, but I can't move, the
apprehension paralyses me.
Everyone says, "Be brave. You can do it. You'll make it out of this."
But sometimes I wonder if I will.
I try to combat it all, but if I attempt to do anything,
it all starts over again.

Thump
Thump
Thump

My heart beats faster and faster.
I can feel it in my chest.

Beads of sweat
Racing
Falling
Running down my forehead.
All the thoughts swarm in my brain.
The fear picks up.
It is unbearable.
I'm so frightened, but I don't know what of.
The paranoia sweeps over my body like a giant wave.
Every day I have to fight what seems to be a losing battle.
But then . . . I look outside.
I see the colours.
I see the life.
I see spirit.
I know I can do this.
Hope.
Fight.
Win.
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