Just because I'm lonely

Doesn't mean that I'm alone

After all is stripped away

The last thing left is merely bone.

Like a skeleton in mourning

For her earthly beauty lost

I retreat to loveless solitude

Without knowing what it costs.

In the skin of those I envy

I walk through this world alone

With a smile shining brightly

Painted on this face of stone.

Hands reach down to save me

From this rut I've snuggled in

But I'd rather face this world without

Rather than have to look within...

He wants her to be something else,
The girl she was before.
She cannot change, it's not her quest
To be what he's looking for.
She has a newfound independence,
Before would die if their love would end.
What accomplishment now
That on him, her happiness doesn't depend.
See, she loves her darling in every sense
Though that desperate attachment
Is now past tense.
Together and happy, but don't you forget
How she lives her life will not be set by his discretion.
Side by side they tread, as she makes her own steps
Down this winding road they find themselves on.

I carry a restless soul
inside,
my fragmented body
and divided heart.

Why haven't I
been able to feel
like I did on
October 29, 2010
is it because
that date is still
engrained
in me?

Creo que nunca dije cuanto me gustabas
Nunca  dije lo mucho que te adoraba
Las mañanas en mi cama, las tardes en que me abrazabas.

Amaba la forma en que cantabas, admiraba como tu cara se iluminaba cuando me hablabas. ¡Y es que la verdad deliraba al contar las pecas en tu espalda! Y tus manos, ¡Oh por todo lo bello, tus manos! Pequeñas y delicadas, perfectas para dibujarlas. Y lo admito, no mentía cuando decía que me encantabas.

Pero todas las cosas buenas se acaban. Y ya no contaba tus pecas, ya no esperaba que me abrazaras. Las mañanas eran frías, ya ni en mi cama dormía. Tal vez te fuiste mientras dormía, tal vez ya no me querías. Y pensaba que volverías, pero igual; sabía que eras una mentira.

This tiny pill is all I have

For keeping me from going mad

But if one day I should run out

I'll go insane, I have no doubt.

The doctor said I need this pill

For in my brain I'm very ill

And though I seem to have it all

My love for life has grown too small.

I hate this life and my condition

I hate the need for this prescription

Although it keeps the monsters out

I wish that I could go without.

But even with this little cell

My mind is still not doing well

The doctors word was just a lie

I find that I still want to die.

Reaching for the tiny case

In my mouth, the pills I place

The pills that were prescribed to save

Have served to put me in my grave.

I am lost under ten feet of hurt
Thrown in the deep end, to learn how to swim
Or more likely, how to drown
With the last sigh of my tired life
Now sliding between my teeth
Those shiny molars that never did me any good
That drop of blood stuck permanently to my lower lip
Trembling
Under the weight of it's own existence
I taste the salt and it's familiar
Like sunburns and childhood
Like beach sand and mounting anxiety
All blooming now before my eyes
This skin I wear, this face I adorn
Crack at the first sign of tremors
Fault lines rip down my spine
And rubies run down my skin
What destruction has been caused, what hell has been raised
All by some omniscient force hiding just over the skyline
Blame those smiling pharmaceuticals
Who in seventeen years, did not once print a warning label, a DO NOT ENTER, a DEAD END ROAD
Who in seventeen years were happy to lend me a life jacket with one hand while tying me to an anchor with the other
But when I look down at my hands,
The evidence is evident,
The facts are gory, the proof is red:
Fingernails are stained with my own blood.

*** is
the only way I've been able
to satisfy my desire for you,
without sticking a straw in my nose,
or shoving pills down my throat,
or smoking god knows what.
*** is
the only way I've been able
to not cry out to you.
Yet,
somehow *** makes me yearn for you more,
*** makes me crave you more,
and *** makes me realize how desperately I want you.

It's always been you,
from the day I've met you.
There's been other girls,
too many other girls,
too few other girls,
and there's been you.
So unattainable,
so out of reach,
but not out of mind.
There's always been you,
and until you are in my bed,
until your fingers leave marks on my back,
until yours is the first voice I hear,
you will not be out of mind,
and even after then you will not be out of mind.