I felt like a giant
Holding fireworks in his fists
Fuses burning between my knuckles
I could silence the bang if I wanted to

Inside your chest are bibles
Full of psalms about hunger
And love
And letting go
Psalms about selfless
I want to kiss you like a prayer

******* like a prayer

I am small
And I feel the ground breathe beneath my feet
It is dark

I am a marble with a green cat eye center
Still hot and smooth
The glass blower that made me had asthma
I don’t roll like the rest of them
This dent in my chest
But you decide it is a good place to rest your head

You feel like the ocean
When I am sleeping on a raft
I made from fallen trees and rope
A steady rock just past the wave break
So calm I’m sure I could sail safely
As far as I wanted

I feel like I don’t exist
Like I am unicorn horn glitter
After the slaying
The men who have ground me down
Use me to sell toys to kids
Because glitter makes everything magic

I am magic
Clumsy magic
Like a giant learning sleight of hand
Fireworks in his fists
I could stop the bang if I wanted to

I don’t want to
I am hot glowing color
Falling from the palms of a giant
Whose hands are clouds

Someone has just prevented a car accident
Saved someone’s life
There are fireworks
A celebration

I am rubber kneecaps
For people who collapse
I bounce them back
People who don’t pray anymore
They just keep walking

I feel like a slave song
The simple message
When you sing these words
I can do anything

I feel like a giant

And I want to kiss you like a prayer
That stops someone from dying

Sometimes I hate being a girl
My emotions want to hate you
My mind wants to know you inside and out
My heart wants to love you, wants to be with you
It’s a battle of the being
Like conflicting souls, fighting in the highest courts, like lawyers they all know the truth but they don't agree

You say you can’t be emotionally supportive right now;
that you need to focus on your own life
Well my emotions don’t need your support they prefer to erase you from my life

So you can keep your separate life,
you can focus on it all you want...
My mind wants to understand your life  
My heart wants to be in your life

The worst part about all of this is that I am attracted to your body, mind, and soul
and when the soul gets involved it captures you and loses you – in emotions
And now, now that you want to “take things off the burner”,
now that you “don’t want to invest too many emotions before someone gets hurt”,
My emotions want to yell at you, they want to scream,
they wonder why you would ever want to destroy a connection so beautiful and pure
But my mind, my mind understands where you’re coming from,
that it’s simply the timing that was wrong for both of us, not the connection
And my heart, my heart wants the best for you

And just as I reach this realization: That while it hurts, it’s logical
My emotions begin to hate logic,
wish that we had more time to explore each other, to understand each other, to be with each other – that somehow, we could make it work and make it last
But my mind, my mind wants to face reality and to protect my heart
And my heart is fragile, always has been

Sometimes I hate being a girl
I hate how fast my emotions get involved, how fast my mind believes that I am with you and you are with me, and that is all there is and that’s all I need, and how fast my heart can be broken

But this time, I can put it back together
This time it’s just a scratch, not a tear or a shatter
This time, I don’t have to pick up the pieces slowly and find their place again
No I learned my lesson from that time, I protected my fragile heart this time - or so I thought

I used my mighty mind to close off my emotions,
to force them into a tiny hole so that you couldn’t see my whole self
Because if I opened up to you completely, I’d be vulnerable

Well, my emotions won that battle
They forced their way out of that hole slowly, like warm blood oozing from a puncture wound
My emotions took over my mind and all logic was lost
I was vulnerable without even realizing it
And even though our love affair - for lack of a better phrase - only lasted a few weeks,
My emotions were present, my mind was drowning, and my heart was fragile and now,

Now I’ll be alright
Because writing is God’s best medicine – it heals the emotions, mind, and heart
It consoles them so they’re all in balance
So that the emotions are healthy, the mind monitors and the heart stays full
But the battle continues and truly, truly they’re never in balance

So give me a bandage
Enough to cover up this scratch and let it heal, but leave a scar
Leave a scar so I will always remember this moment when you showed me that I’m still capable of loving
Leave a scar so that I will always remember that this transition is official,
That I’m done with the phase that existed before you:
Of physical exploits putting my emotions and my heart in danger,
Of craving attention for the sake of comfort and self gratification,
Of confusing hormones and desires to be loved with real, complete and healthy attraction

Leave a scar so that I will always remember that you are the latter, and that there are still guys like you out there

The way your lips use to feel on mine
it seemed like we stopped time
The way I felt when we were intertwined
I knew that you were mine

They way things use to be
I know I ruined it
but I can't stop from doing it
I hate this feeling that I have...
I can't take it
I know I'm being over dramatic
but I just can't stop from thinking it

You got to close so I had to drift away
I thought about you when I left
but I knew it was for the best
I couldn't take that you could see the real me
but I left before you could hurt me
so now I'm on to the next
You knew that I was insecure and scared
but you never knew that I really did care

I am looking at trees
they may be one of the things I will miss
most from the earth
though many of the ones I have seen
already I cannot remember
and though I seldom embrace the ones I see
and have never been able to speak
with one
I listen to them tenderly
their names have never touched them
they have stood round my sleep
and when it was forbidden to climb them
they have carried me in their branches

When the forests have been destroyed their darkness remains
The ash the great walker follows the possessors
Forever
Nothing they will come to is real
Nor for long
Over the watercourses
Like ducks in the time of the ducks
The ghosts of the villages trail in the sky
Making a new twilight

Rain falls into the open eyes of the dead
Again again with its pointless sound
When the moon finds them they are the color of everything

The nights disappear like bruises but nothing is healed
The dead go away like bruises
The blood vanishes into the poisoned farmlands
Pain the horizon
Remains
Overhead the seasons rock
They are paper bells
Calling to nothing living

The possessors move everywhere under Death their star
Like columns of smoke they advance into the shadows
Like thin flames with no light
They with no past
And fire their only future

Long after your gone the tears wont dry
Long after the silence the tears will flow
So dont welcome me with open arms
Once again they bind me like cold chains

And with a heart on a sleeve
And hope stretched raw
Taut are emotions
hanging by a thread

You close the door when you wish
You turn away when you wish
You stop listening when you wish
and I a mere shadow in your wake

Welcome the silence once again
Over the edge i fall again
crumble again like brittle glass
and in my head.....again and again and again..

Whatever force pulled together
the scattered particles,
cultivating them,
causing their mass to envelope itself,
sharing its existence endlessly

Until the perfect moment:
When every unknowing particle
trembled with the promises of endless possibility
and the underlying terror that accompanies irrevocable change

When all they had ever been
would be washed away by a great light
shrouded in mystery

A light
that turns through the darkness, piercing
and imparts new existence
in accordance with things unseen

I was in love with anatomy
the symmetry of my body
poised for flight,
the heights it would take
over parents, lovers, a keen
riding over truth and detail.
I thought growing up would be
this rising from everything
old and earthly,
not these faltering steps out the door
every day, then back again.

You say you love me.
How can you?
You don't even know who I am.
The impression I get,
The message you're sending,
is screaming 'one night stand.'

Caress my cheek,
Play with my hair,
Whisper sweet nothings in my ear;
You think you're winning,
You think you're smooth,
You think you're saying exactly what I want to hear.

I'm not a fluid existence,
I notice, you understand,
You're madly in love with whoever who see.
I can’t help but wonder,
When we're not with each other,
How many other versions exist of me?

How very clever,
How very smooth,
Thinking an escape you've found
In pretending you're so worried
I'm the one that's untrue,
Nice attempt to turn the game around.

I've always been straightforward,
It's me, and no one else,
or else, darling, it isn't just you.
So, tell me, can you play by the rules?
If you want to love me,
You can't be loving her, too.

I'm sure she feels the same,
Polygamy doesn't fly well with girls,
The moment will come, you'll have to choose.
I'm left with but one thing to say,
I’ll still love you anyways.
Would she, if she were to lose?

Walking solitary sidewalks
in the cold sober night

Overhead streetlights glow
Solemnly
Like spitfire red sentinels
Watching us midnight creatures

Yea, our cold souls play wicked games with our minds
Steadily wasting away all rosy cheek warmness of youth

We are

Godless

Forsaken

Inflamed

Disbelievers