a drunken confession
then
lifestyle transition
comfort in understanding
and
physical affection

are we lonely or
is this more
your eyes
send mixed messages

both a bit broken
I still found strength
to pour into you

waiting
wanting you to feel
the love
I was hoping to receive from you

emptied myself
to
keep you afloat
you never gave back

you’re not scared
you just
don’t want me.

blindly dragged
for months
clinging to intermittent affection,
fed with crumbs

you filled
a physical void
but emotionally
you carved me hollow
leaving me with
knotted intestines
always
on
edge

it took
eight months

eight months
for me to see
so naïve
I need more
I deserve more

Lately your belly laughs and dry humor are flooding my mind. The only times we make eye contact are over volleyball nets and ice cream sales. Once the most important man in my life, you no longer fill the position. I fired you.
But then again, it’s like you quit. Instead of asking me about my day, you tell me about your new girlfriend. I’m beginning to forget the directions in which the wrinkles around your eyes move. I can’t exactly pinpoint your gray hairs anymore. You once embraced me with a father’s love but now pat your hand on my back.
Despite the frigid weather when you left, it didn’t seem so cold. But nine months has now felt like nine years and the temperature has only declined. It’s no surprise considering communication has never been your strong suit. Every time you speak is a cliffhanger. I am dangling from heights unknown, waiting for an answer that may not come. I want to submerge myself in your company and harmonize our voices in conversation. How are you?
My eyes do not reflect the chocolate brown in yours but instead radiate blue like the ocean. Unfortunately this is not our only contrast. Funny how years ago our faces were so similar but now that things have changed our only mutual feature is our height.
You’re half my original chromosomes but I don’t even know half of your day. Where do you go when it’s dark and the moon is shining down over you? What do you call home? Your absence is a mystery I cannot solve. The position I once promised you has been filled by a more qualified candidate; you wonder why I’m always with my boyfriend.
Although I am angry, I am sure this is unintentional. My hope is that this is only temporary. The only question is, how long will you be gone; when will you re-apply?

I stepped in the shower today and
Let the hot water burn my body
As it trickled down my newly tanned skin.
I closed my eyes and let it
Wash my mascara away.
I thought about now
How wonderful, and peaceful,
And easy things are.
I thought about summer..
You're spinning me around in the water and
Softly kissing my neck;
We sit around blazing orange fires
And congratulate each other on the perfectionism
Of our s'mores.
But soon, September will come
A tidal wave of schoolwork,
Two and a half hours of driving,
And late-night Skype calls,
Are heading our way.
Jealousy and questioning
Are almost guaranteed to become abundant.
It won't be easy,
And I can't promise anything
Besides;
I'll try my best
For you

Unlace your shoes and step to the side;
I'll do the same.
Borrow my worn out soles and
Stretch them over your aching feet;
It's okay if they don't quite fit.
Make my body yours,
My toes, my long legs,
My stomach, my *******
My collarbones, my hair
But most importantly,
Take my eyes.
Take the eyes that have filled with fascination
Whenever you step into view.
Take the eyes that have soaked up your personality,
Grasped it with bare hands and never let it go.
Take the eyes that squint every time you humor me and
Never seem to shed tears.
Take the eyes that have noticed your every flaw,
Seen you almost every day for the past ten and a half months,
And still look at you
With fascination.
Stare into those beautiful brown marbles,
Pay attention to those tiny specks of green...
But, don't forget to look through them.
Because if eyes really are the windows to our souls,
You must be the most beautiful person on the planet.
And if we really could trade shoes for even just a moment,
Maybe you'd realize it, too.

I want to open my eyes to see your beautiful face
As the early morning sun pokes through the window panes.
Feel your embrace tighten as you realize I'm awake,
Be woken up by sweet pecks of your lips,
And say good morning with simply a glance.
I want to look around our near empty apartment
Furnished with cheap, used couches,
And photographs of high school.
I want my body to be free
And comfortable,
****;
As it usually is with you.
I want time spent together to be worry free,
And if a care seems to slip through my trap,
I'd kiss it all away.
Days and nights would seem endless with you;
And despite the moon and sun being polar opposites they would
Greet us with a smile.
At 2am the moon would watch over us as you
Sit behind me, rub my back, and
Help me with my latest poem
Because we both know how brilliant your mind is.
You've always taught me about learning
And overcoming your fears
And being prepared.
But without realizing it, you're teaching me a new concept;
Patience;
A virtue I can learn to keep,
Because if patience is what I need to achieve these results,
I'll wait forever and a day for this.

it feels like
just yesterday
we locked eyes for the first time;
slipping words and stories
into one another
with kisses;
and reading into each other,
trying to uncover
our deepest secrets
in the smallest crevices of our minds.
it seems like just yesterday
when i didn't know what to say
a nervous laugh escaped me.
just yesterday i spent hours
memorizing a song
only to impress you
and just yesterday
we spent a full day four wheeling,
finding beauty in mud covered faces
in the northern woods.
just yesterday i learned
you love having your back scratched
and you hate having your picture taken.
yesterday i discovered
your great love for poetry
and your amazing talent in it.
just yesterday you wrote me a beautiful poem that
to this day, still drains my tear ducts.
you taught me confidence
and you taught me to love myself and
not give a **** what anyone says
about me,
or you,
or us.

how strangely wonderful it is to think
"just yesterday,"
was almost nine months ago!