I am aflame, my touch burns
I incinerate everything in range
whether it's my love, or the things I've earned
and I've yearned to be looked up to
but now they just want to put me out
because my mind is breeding misery
and it's panic and anxiety that sprouts
without a doubt, I'm not to anger
because I will burn you down
I am nothing but danger
I just want to cut the sound
someone please just put me out
burn me instead, but the fire will live on
I am already dead

I am a gun, feel my cold steel
and caress my edges
I tell them to stand clear,
scared of the bullets that will fire
because it is not me who pulls the trigger,
but my mind, riddling me with anxiety
and I'm scared that it is me who is in the iron sights
my own flesh and blood, heart and head
and when that time comes,
if that time comes
I don't want anybody caught in the crossfire

you are my ****** and I am addicted to having you flow through me
but now I have to quit before I get hurt again, I am scared
and it is hard to detox, it feels impossible to overcome it
I wish it could go back to the beginning, before it turned on me
when everything was perfect, and I was euphoric
but now, my dear ******
I need my prozac back
and I beg of you to return, because I long for you,
my sweet ******
this infatuation, this addiction, this needle
this love

I am addicted to you,
and it's hard to let go

I no longer want to identify as a grain among the beach,
being swept over by waves of blue and rain crashing down onto me,
I have no desire to be stepped on countless times, and thrown away
and I want to have control, at least some

I have no desire either to be the ocean, crashing my tides all over
or even a drop of rain, crashing down to the ground quickly
I would love to be a bird and spread my wings
I want people to hear me and know I am here

I want to fly away from home
I want to fly across the sea
I want to fly and soar my wings
before I fly away from me

my mind is a drunk driver, self destructive and stupid
and although in that same mind, my caring sprouts
that same mind is fighting against it and slowly winning
it is not long before that drunk driver crashes and makes an impact

my significance is nothing but a blade of glass among a field
a fish in the ocean, or even a can in a dump
it seems as though I have no purpose, I'm merely just there
I am nothing but a seedling, among many and it is up to me to sprout
it is up to me to grow, and thrive
these other seedlings stay by, but they do not provide me with need
they merely provide me with company and sure, company helps
but it is none other than I to thrive as that large sunflower
I want to make an impact but unless I try
I will just be another seedling, among many

my hatred of hypocrisy, is a strong one
yet I manage to accomplish being one
I said suicide is stupid, maybe I just didn't understand
because finding happiness now, is hard like contraband
and I always complain about everything being a paradox
but right now it couldn't be any more evident
masking the lines in between whether I want to live or die
and for some reason I don't want to live, and I don't want to die
I just want to forget all of this anxiety and build up depression
from moving away from where I was truly happy and my friends
and now I'm stuck in a place where I can't be myself
and that's all I want to be so I am a breathing cry for help
and my poetry, the words and my movies help me getaway
but I'm scared I'll do something stupid if those words don't help me
those realms where I don't have to think about me but instead bleed my emotions until they help me create these words I type to whomever is listening because for some reason I feel like whoever you are, can understand me because it's so hard and last time I tried talking to someone close about this they ran away, or they lied to me because they were scared I'd actually do it

words are power
but I am powerless over the actions I perform whether it's yelling
or wanting to just sink deep into the water
I feel like I have no control over my actions
but I do, it's just built up anger and sadness that eats me away
and these people tell me "your life isn't even bad"
and I have nothing to say in reply
because maybe it isn't
they say "you always got whatever you wanted"
and maybe I was spoiled as a kid, I was an only child
but if I got whatever I wanted, I'd still have people worrying about me,
being there for me and most of all just being happy
and they also tell me my expectations are too high
so I try to lower them, to the point where they're almost non existent
but when I look at that timestamp with you knowing I'm not having a good time and two hours have passed since you've replied and I see you post something in the mean time and I just want you to be happy and be with you but a relationship where only one person can be happy is not a relationship

I want to indulge in my selfishness because I've sacrificed plenty enough for the happiness of my peers and in return I get nothing but a pit of sorrow and broken dreams because I'm stuck in a small town with barely anybody to help me swim through this trench I'm stuck in