I've got a heavy head tonight.
This time it isn't pride inside.
It's filling up with anxious thoughts,
the root of which has long been lost.
I feel like I gave up my grip.
I'm struggling to steer this ship.

There's a hole where water is leaking in,
but I've been keeping it a secret.
I'll flood this slow with my own sin.
As Captain, I'll go down with it.

This fickle heart has done me wrong.
I miss you now that your are gone for good.
On my way down, I missed a rung.
I'm broken now and I've been stunned by you.

Tell me.
I don't know the difference
between love and heartbreak.

Sell me
out for being ignorant.
There isn't bliss when there's resistance.

Tell me,
'cause I don't know a thing.

Sell me.
I've been splitting at my seams.

We can talk about the damage done.
Let's stretch our legs so we can run around in circles.
I'll chew you up around my tongue
and spit you out when I am done, but I don't want to.

Tell me.
I don't know the difference
between love and heartbreak.

Sell me
out for being ignorant.
There isn't bliss when there's resistance.

Fail me.
I don't deserve a thing.

**** me,
and I won't even blink.

Tell me,
tell me anything.

I've left you alone for months and weeks and days.
Oh, my internal wordpress, you we're once my slave.
I hope you come back since I've set you free.
The one missing out has been me, poor me.

I was born out of love not to love.
I was born not to love out of love.
A recess is not fun like before.
No, we don't go out anymore.

I swear we made the disease before we made it's cure.
We're going all the way and making sure it's sure.
I'm not afraid of the after or the sooner at all.
I have made an occupation out of taking the fall
and my main set of focus isn't quite so simple after all.
You're just too far away from accepting this as your fault.

It's under no discretion; not classified or foiled.
I can freeze you out when your blood starts to boil.
I'm a savior in my own right and it's alright.
Say it's alright, because it's all right this way.

I swear we made the disease, before we made it's cure.
My mind is not held partial to your health anymore.
I'm a savior in my own right and it's alright.
Say it's alright, because it's all right this way.

I can let go of everything;
I can release all that I'm holding.
This is the worst-case scenario-
I don't think I am boding well.

Sever all we've bound;
Let's get lost in the beauty of sound.

Let's make a plan to get clean,
a plan to get sober.
We wont give up without a fight-
This isn't over
and I wish I began
all of this sooner.

I can keep up with my mind.
I can, at least most of the time.
There definitely are ghosts in me-
I only preach what I believe.

As good as things began,
blossoms only grow old in the end.

Let's make a plan to get clean,
a plan to get sober.
You can't give up the ghost,
you've got to fight-
this isn't over.

So, why must this begin
over and over again?

I approached her
to tell her that I miss her.
With my head down,
I pulled her in to kiss her.
But, then I walked away
with the heart of a coward,
so heavy with guilt
for a couple of hours.
And now, I feel fine.
Now, I feel fine.

I've been lost
and can't be found.
There's no shame
in letting me down.
I'm not here,
but I'm around.
I hold no shame
in letting you down.

I've been skipping around from place to place
with memories of tripping throughout the race
of life and I've been feeling down.
I've been feeling a need to escape this town.

I've got a sugar sweet taste for nickels and dimes,
but I always **** it away from time to time.
No, I don't mind the worst of me.
But, I've got a feeling it's killing me.

I've been lost
and can't be found.
There's no shame
in letting me down.
I'm not here,
but i'm around.
I hold no shame
in letting you down.

Lost and found.
Found and lost.
I'll bring you down
if that's a must.
Found and lost.
Lost and found.
Just bring me down-
It'll bring me around.

Imagine what was a wall,
covered in twisted metal
and oil and filth and dust;
the tracks still in tact,
for they must be.
They must.

Play it backwards,
you will see,
the potential lives
I used to seize.

Play it forward,
close your eyes;
here comes the wreck,
here come the cries.

And *******!
It can't get worse.

I said, ‘*******!
Rewind this curse.’
*******!  *******!
We’d best reverse.

And *******!
We've all seen worse.
I swear, *******!
Just stop the hearst.

*******!  *******...
This can’t get worse.
*******.. *******..
this is no first.

Flaring inability of solid perception is eating me whole.
The boundaries of the mind continue to blur;
pressing forever's endeavors,
with each blink that I can't help.

The meaning of seeing is the same as believing,
but who has the will to consistently try?
Moments dissolve into memories over time
and even then, a thought is but itself.

Our downfall is our heresy
which wraps around and buries me.
So, here's to solidarity.
We all agree to disagree.

Such platforms merely can't conceive
us standing up as effigies,
since we'd prefer entirely
to one and all be entities.

Sometimes,
what I need
is you to
tell me what
I've seen.

I want everything
perceived
since I'm
so hard
to make believe.

I know that we
will die together;
let's change
frontiers
from flesh
to leather.

In time,
all storms
are weathered.
I am here
for worse,
or better.

My God,
I know forever
merely holds
but 7 letters.

My God,
I know I never
will believe
I could forget her.

Run to the one that has no choice but to try.
He's done you so wrong, but you give him the time.
He's got the remedy, the things that you need.
Fill those lungs up with smoke and ruin your teeth.
Take what is easy,
but don't take it from me.
I may make this seem hard,
but I could be everything.

A simple man, I am.
Don't try to get confused,
don't try to understand.
I live my whole entire life
wading in the shallow end
and enjoy the total lack of strife
as solace is my dearest friend.

I am a body without plans.
Don't get confused,
you won't understand.
I am wallowing in fear again.
Don't feel abused,
just take my hand.

I was only three days in
on my journey across a desert
when my body just gave in
and laid down itself for comfort.

When I would close my eyes,
I couldn't hardly see.
Then a man made out of rock
shook the sand beneath my feet.

He was a man of few words;
not-so-subtle in his approach.
He reached for my hand
and offered me his home.

I woke up in a cave
in a tattered woolen cloak
by a fire burning softly
like a song sung out of hope.

Time dragged on forever
before I decided to leave.
I put a knife right through my friend
and I left him there to bleed.

Do I prey on the weak
or do they prey on me?
Is it some collaboration
that I have yet to see?

Now when I close my eyes,
I can't hardly see.
The sand fills up my throat
until I can barely breathe.

When I say, 'forever,'
what I mean is, 'never.'
The failures that we'll discover
will go perfect together.

I don't keep a chest full of secrets.
I keep a chest full of heart.
My dissolution is a dying art.

Come on, pull it together.
The storm has been weathered.
When I say, 'forever,'
what I mean is, 'never.'

I am not alone,
though, seldom do I speak.
All implicit ties
must be auctioned off in sleep.
I could never follow, baby;
I could never lead.
If that's good enough for you,
well, that's good enough for me.
I could never stay or, maybe,
I could never leave.
Be that as it may,
I just want to be.
I just want to be.
I just want to be.

If you could buy a life,
what kind of things would you like?
How well would you sleep at night,
when things settle down and feel right?
If I could buy a life and show it what I've already seen,
I believe it would be frightened
and I believe it would believe in me.
If you could buy a life,
what kind of things would you like?

You come around like loops in songs.
I'm always here, but I always seem gone.

You've been eating lies like Christians eat god.
I've been denying that I could ever be wrong.

You make me feel as small as a pin.
I make you feel unimaginably big.

You are a standard held entirely too high.
I'm just another sad sack,  I'm just another guy.

Tell me not to die inside.
Tell me not to blink.
Tell me its not wrong to hide
the secrets that we keep.

Tell me that it's all alright.
Tell me we aren't weak.
Inspiration in disguise
is spilling out of me.

Tell me that the hurt inside
is cured by our beliefs.
A prayer can save a lonely night
when it's just too dark to see.

Tell me we were wrong to start;
not wrong to make believe.
The cover that hides in the dark
is only enough for me.

Say what they want to hear
and they will follow without fear.
You've got to be a leader, man.
You've got to give it all you can.
Just keep the stops at bay throughout this Fall.
Anything for the better, one and all.

Say what they want to hear
and they will follow without fear.
There has to be a better place;
a place where we can show true face.
We need it now more than ever before.
We need to live, we need to be more.

Let's build from the ground up,
a fortress that cannot be touched.
a miracle home could give us so much more.

I swear that I'll grow
from the tricks that you show me
when I'm down on my luck
like nobody knows me.

I've lost space in the fold
from the promise you told me
wouldn't quite ever last
if you promised to know me.

1: "What if things died in the Spring
and all bloomed in the Fall;
with the Summer still warm
and the Winter still cold?"

2: "What if the minute we awake
is the minute we sleep?
So, when eyes are kept shut,
they are open to see?"

1: "What if we've got it all wrong,
but we've always been right?
What if mornings are evenings
and daytime is night?"

2: "What if up has been down
and East has been West?
What if people at their worst
are people at their best?"

1: "That would be weird."

2: "Yeah, way weird."

18-
That was me.
I'd never heard of scrutiny,
but was sure that I knew everything.
I was the best I'd ever seen.

Then I turned 19,
I did my best to be unclean-
to make an end to all my means
by exploring everything obscene.
I made a point to ruin things.

When I was only barely 20,
I'd thought everything was funny,
but knew I had to grow up.
I knew all was cloudy and not sunny,
I was destined to **** up.

When I had just turned 21,
I had made a moon out of a sun.
I had poured the marrow from a bone.
I guess I reaped what I had sewn.

When I was still green at 22,
I didn't know just what to do.
I thought I knew how to push through,
but alcohol made me a fool.

By the time I hit 23,
It made me sick to look at me.
Mirrors saw me as practically,
as my best friends would ever see.

It went so fast- I was 24,
I knew I'd **** myself for sure.
I found my self in a whole new place-
it was Hell and much, much more.

By the time that I saw 25,
I wasn't sure I was alive.
I'd lived on so I could strive,
but I could not- at least I tried.

Now, I am almost 26.
Now, I'm hardly here
and I'm hardly ****.
It is all my fault,
that I'm amiss.

Jesus Christ is just a fix.

I'm like change in your pocket
when you have nothing left.
I could be where your turn to
when you can't get the best.
I'm a mess and a half;
I'm the one to forget.
I can't keep myself warm
without a heart in my chest.

I just want to feel alive!
-
I've been thinking about absurd things;
drumming up terrible ideas from an
endless well of no return!
-
What return could I muster?
Can I play the wolf without
preying upon the weak?
-
I'm searching for a middle ground;
yet, still, to codes, I am somewhat bound-
codes that may not live inside of me.
-
Oh, I've seen terrible things!
I have actualized- Nay! Come alive!
I've been here the entire time.
Where's the compass in me?!
Am I drawn to believe?!
Oh, tell me! Am I so unsure!?
-
We're all complacent in our own ways.
We're all bearable in at least one case!
-
We're the honesty
that we would love
to lead.

My love is burning evermore.
My love breathes ashes in the air.
She is the closest I abhor.

She is Despair.

My love is longingly ignored.
My love, she answers with a stare.
She is a cost I must afford.

She is Despair.

My love is pulsing with desire.
My love is anxious, unaware.
She is but one voice in a choir.

She is Despair.

"My love," I'm asking, "are you scared?"
My love is shaking, broken, bare.
She is forgiveness scarcely shared.

She is Despair.

Just a few,
Just for you.
Let's just see what we can do.
One last reply,
just for the night.
At least we're doing something right.

Could
you
come
to?

Just a few,
just for you.
We don't aim before we shoot.
One more good time,
before goodbyes.
We always have a chance in sight.

Would
you
come
to?

Just a few,
Just for you.

We don't aim
before we shoot.

while every color turns to white,
every color leaves at night.
laying down just feels so right
when i close my eyes to glittersight.

To everyone, I’m a vampire.
Not to them, but to me.
Know what I mean?
Sustenance is consequence
and I’m convinced
You were convinced
And ever since
The sky repents.
It screams for me!
For forgiveness.
For love and hate
And all between.
You’re a vampire to me
But not to you, I mean.
Do you see?
I’m sure you see.

how much stock
can you put in a bluff
if you're not sure
it means much,
if you're not sure
it's enough?

Herd mentality is spreading,
it is the new plague.
Madness is surging
at the end of all days.
The hive mind is swarming
and set to engage.

We could have done more;
we should have known better.
We're one and the same;
we'll all rot together.
We're one and the same;
but birds of a feather.

I'm not
the person
you think
I've become.
I'm not
so sure
about you.

We are
each one
side of
a canyon;
our shores
spreading
slightly apart.

You are
what I
need to
be whole.
Yet your
love for
me dies.

I miss
the endless
love that
you held
in your
beautiful eyes.

Death is all around us;
in beauty,
in sadness
and peace.
I wish it weren't in me.

There is a slight delay
in our speech and our ways,
the time for a choice
to make peace with disdain.

I found I was wrong.
You were right all along.
I'm a stuttering chorus.
You're a verse in a song.

God, I'm wondering how to find myself.
Still, it seems I never will.
Yet, I keep looking on and on.
Come on, show me something real.

Oh, I can't help but to wonder who I am.
So do pray tell- I'm your lover, not a friend.
Oh, I can't help but to never understand.
So do pray tell- and I hope to hell you can.

I said I'd never let you be the one.
You said, "You're always wrong.
You know you're always wrong."

You said you'd never let me be the one.
I said, "You're always wrong.
I know you're always wrong."

I just barely realized I can see.
I'll be the better man, I swear I can.
I just barely realized I can see.

I just barely realized I can breathe.
I'll make the best of this broken hand, I swear I can.
I just barely realized I can breathe.

Just barely realized I can see.
Just realized how much you can mean to me.

These days,
Darkness actually envelopes me.
As box-fans are speaking to the dead.
There has been a mutiny happening.
It's going to happen again.

These days,
Demons haven't left footprints.
No, they've only time for their claws.
There is no need to cover evidence.
There is but hate from straight to cross.

These days have all become nights.
These days have nothing to lose.
These days are here for a fight.
These days bring only bad news.

These days,
I'm losing time.
I'm one without cause.
I'm one without rhyme.


These days,
we're on the rise.
We're one with another.
We're the all-seeing eye.

I catch myself
feigning sadness;
‘’Tis the season,’
my voice might creak.

There is a dread I keep,
from year to year,
from month to month,
just for this week.

Forgetting why
should make me smile.
Yet, I don’t feel replete.

This season shines,
faux philistine;
Yet, still, you’re incomplete.

The market was empty,
if not for my voice,
as I crooned my sermon
as an effortless remedy.

Echoes are still validation.
The crowd had no choice,
but to take in a message
of my self-flagellation.

The instrument cracked
as my voice became hoarse;
each syllable sprang
with the skin off my back.

Per chance did you hear
that my music doth ****?
If you survived its sound,
it must not have been near.

When I’m the
last of the fallen,
the absolute last
that Death ignores,
you’ll find me
crawling toward
the bright and sunny,
the endless calm,
the milk and honey.

You say the word,
I'll lead the way.
The cost is high,
we'll surely pay.
You've started a fire
that we can't put out.
There's no forgiveness
within our drought.

You say the word,
I'll wreck the past.
We split the cost
to raise the mast.
It is your silence
that seems to coast.
It is our distance
that hurts the most.

You say the word,
I'll lead the way.
We both will slowly
d  r  i  f  t    a  w  a  y.
Yet, without you,
I'm merely dust.
In suit, I'll follow,
if I must.

You say the word,
I'll wreck the past.
There is no point
in going last.
I will speak first
if you don't ask.
It is our sorrows
in which we bask.

If there is a god,
he must be a coward.
He never shows his face
in our worst of hours.

There are no signs
pointing in his favor.
Maybe he's run out
on his terrible neighbors.

There is no creed
to our repentance.
We've all been born
with a life sentence.

I’m only still
in our bed
waiting for you,
but I guess
just your side
will have to do.

Rope on a barrel.
A phone call in peril.
Oh, powered harpoon,
we'll be together soon!
The sinners are desperate.
We can't leave it to a vote.
We have to be against it.
Gonna need a bigger boat.

We are
the unbeatable,
unachievable,
most believable
horse in the race.

I am
the beatable,
the achievable,
the least believable
horse in the race.

The racket
starts it all;
lights the chain;
sounds the call.
Ever-present
is the echo;
it screams
to let go.
Let go.
Let go.

If I'm dying, I'll die slow.
Let the credits, let them roll.
If I'm dying, it won't show.

We could last an eternity.
Just for one god ****** time,
destroy uncertainty.

If we're dying, we'll die slow.
Let the credits, let them roll.
If we're dying, you won't know.

Let ‘em roll.
Let ‘em go.

Nature in passing;
Autumnal awakening.
All must die to live.

I can't speak.
I can't hear.
I can't see.
My mouth.
And ears.
And eyes.
And I-

And I forgot about you;
About who you are to me.
About how you help me love.
About who we can even be!

And I, my eye, my eyes!
I'm here, I hear, I'm here.
I speak, I sing, I speak!
Who can we both be?
Who are we complete?!
Tell me who we both can be,
if we can be quite anything!

And I!
My eye!
My eyes!
My eyes!!!
My ears!
My mouth!
My eyes!
And I-

And I can't speak of this!
Won't hear of it.
Won't ever see it through.
Can't speak!
Can't hear!
Can't see through you!

And I am I!
Said I am I!
Said I am I!
Are you?!

I had a Light.
My last light
was last time
we had a light;
our last light,
our last time.

Walk softly thine lamb.
Take care stepping; for there are
wolves in the throne room.