you’ll probably be
more sorry when
you’re dying
stopping wrongs
from writing
please stop trying
stop chasing dawn
still
about waking up
on lawns
quit

you’ll probably be
more sorry when
the light goes
out tonight those
doors
aren’t windows
time heals
but when though
we’ve been closed
an illuminated end grows
quick

they who filed the bars and sent the world to the stars
in a slow, but heavy descent, god only knows what they meant
with an enveloping down and a comforting cry
is a rating for us to decide or just to imbibe
well, step aside, because i...
i can definitely imbibe

It was just one of those nights
One of those nights where you get to bed at a decent hour
And you’re just laying in bed closing your eyes to sleep
And you think of something small
Just something like a song you heard
Or maybe a band
And you wonder if someone you know might like it
You wonder if your brother might like it
So you think about it and realize you don’t even know
You don’t know what they listen to anymore or if it has changed
You really haven’t spent much time with them recently
You really haven’t spent much time with them in the last ten years
You start to wonder why
It feels trivial but you keep asking
Where did the relationship go
Where did it go wrong
How much was ever really there
You remember the last time you were together you had a bad moment
It wasn’t really the last time you were together
The last time was good
But the incident feels like the last time
It feels like maybe that’s where things changed
Even though it probably isn’t
Even though it was probably always the same
Or it has been for some time
You remember some of the things you said
Some things that were out of line
You’d done that with your other brother too but he usually got the better end of it
Still you were both drunk
Sometimes the truth comes out like that
Sometimes you’re just stretching
Sometimes you’ll never know
You remember you owe him money
He seems to have forgotten but that doesn’t make you feel better
Does he care about that
Could that be the hang up here
You remember other people you owe money to
Your grandma leant you some once and you only paid back a bit
You know she doesn’t hold it against you
But you know she has only forgotten if she wanted to
That doesn’t feel good either way
You remember the time your dad had to bail you out of jail
It was a mistake and just a misunderstanding
You didn’t know you had the warrant
You thought your fine was paid
The charge had been from years earlier
That didn’t take away the disappointment from his face
That didn’t take away the lecture you got on the way home
Who knows how much he paid for bail
He paid the balance of the fine as well
He was too upset to thank for it
I guess you never got around to it
Another time you were in a pinch and had to ask your mom for money
Your power had been shut off
You were unemployed with no prospects for a job
She flatly said no at first
Then not without a solid plan
But you didn’t have a plan
You didn’t have any plans and that’s why you called
You ended up heating up canned food with candles for a couple days
You fed your dog at least half of whatever you had
None of it felt good but you couldn’t blame your mom
Was she right to say no
Was she wrong not to help
All you know is you never asked again
You trust she had her reasons one way or another
There’s nothing much to say about it now anyway
Or at least you wouldn’t if there was
You know your parents love you the ways they know how to
You know your brothers do too
It’s 2 AM now and you have thought of everything
It’s 2 AM now and nothing is meaningless

we’re but a reservoir
against a faulty dam
a rain away
from a flooded plain.

what fruitless
destruction
lies just beneath
a surface we can’t keep.

I wrote in circles like a vinyl ******, but still running, and bounded over what could have made the story wholly forgiving.

I am the only one
to ever hear
exactly what I said:

I cannot begin
to tell you how
this might end.

relation devolved:
a walk to a crawl?
relation evolved:
adapted free-fall
to death
or to life,
in the wake
is a funnel
in disrepair:
a lost time
after ma’am’s,
after misters;
no need
for callous,
just blisters.
raw puppy eyes
converge
in the sky
as our lids
slowly close
over waste.

Getting better
is so alien to me,
to be the three
that we
set out to be.
I pictured ruin
or a split,
but not writ,
though we
resolve to breathe!
Still, I’m the type
to measure in nights
not days!
Who stays?
Who goes?
Is it the same?
Still, you’re the type
to always be right
not wrong!
Won’t you stay?
No, don’t go.
I want to play.
So, please say-
Please say
you will stay.
I know you
will always stay,
my little rose.
My little fae.

these eyes as a fish-eyed lens
the mind’s eye turns into them
capsize belly-up again
recycle my abdomen

i’m at a service
for someone i didn’t know
but wish i had, i suppose
you never said much
but now it means more
yet i’m still an outsider
without feelings about her
as your insides knot up
and your son can’t understand
i’m a phantom at best
with an invisible hand

My greatest wish
is my greatest fear.
Not a wish for value,
but a wish for fear.

My greatest fear
is my greatest wish.
Not a fear of value,
But a fearful wish.

Raise the blinders.
Plug your ears.
Pray our words
may disappear.

Plug your ears.
Raise the blinders.
Sweet solitude
welcomes reminders.

separation
does not ****
the soul
the soul
cannot die

separation
muscle from bone
our spirits stretched
beyond the unknown

you carry me
i carry you
however far
however far
we’re strung

separation
muscle from bone
our spirits stretched
until we’re both home

wanted to
to **** you

i love you
just improve

wanted to
to **** me

we’re helpless
forget this

We’re both homesick;
I need you and
she needs peace.

Nested topic,
co-diagnostic.
Inverted spirals
contain the heroes.

Double cross me,
ensnare the copy.
Commitment en masse.
Only we can stop me.

I’m crashing
I love you
beat the brakes
right off me

you’re rushing
I love you
push the sun
to the sea

Cursor flashes:
there,
and not there;
there,
and not there.
It reminded me of you.
Not because you have left us,
not because you will be back.  
But, because of that little glint
that goes as quick as it appears.
My routines have been reduced
to some sort of stutter with no end.
Plural forms when singles will do;
not two leashes, one instead;
one bowl of water, one of food.
They say all dogs go to heaven,
but we don’t get to go with them.

light-footed,
seeds: hidded.
green-chaired,
white-haired.
jaws: fitted,
teeth-bitted.

one ounce,
too speedy.
three loves,
for teeny.
your lies?
believing.

anticipation
mundane brain
cell amputation
weekdays built
toward bored
flogging guilt
dead med kit
needing feeding
without exit

Winston, how do you do?
The long burn always
suited you.
Somber smoke and draw;
Cut dry but always
pulling through.
Never let the heat run out;
let time lull by and
smother fools.
Brass plume and patting snare.
Our bodies packt like
thieves with care.
Digital patterns breathe like air.
Glue cracking, splitting;
bands don’t care.
Salted earth is always fair.
Fermented stacks of
ashes bear.

stepping
inside
just
to see

well,
it never
hurt,
spittin’
the dirt

better
to die
than
to be

I stopped off at the moon,
on my way to the Sun,
for one final look at Earth.
Then I couldn’t help but stop at Mercury
for yet another glance
as my eyelashes turned to ashes,
set to orbit our star.

This is
a time
to have
and to
hold
and to
yearn

I know I came home mad
and I know I didn’t say anything
and I know we had family time,
and it was fine.
I know I helped you go to sleep,
peacefully.

I know I’ve built a case
and I know who it’s against
and I know I’m buying time,
and that is fine.
I know that I’ve needed sleep,
anxiously.

cut man
disrupts depression
unconsciously
a hero
in bits

Pound for pound
Ounce for ounce
Tell me there’s more
I have so much
We mean it all
Tell me there’s more
I can’t console
There’s no repair
Tell me there’s more
I drink and eat
I should feel full
Tell me there’s more
I should be one
I should be all
Tell me there’s more

I’ve walked
the line
and I’m
dissatisfied

Uncomfortable in tights
Cape limp in the un-wind
Eyes closed tightly
Teeth a-******-grinding
I have the power to disappear
If only I could use it

the only way
to leave
without leaving,
to see
without seeing,
to be
without being.

Dreamt a dream for two, you did.
There’s a stake, if you can grab it.
Two travelers together live,
ain’t nothin’ funny-like about it.
But, now you can’t do nothing,
Jus’ gotta go and let ‘im have it.
Go on an’ tell ‘im how it’s gonna be.
Go on an’ tell ‘im ‘bout the rabbits.