how much stock
can you put in a bluff
if you're not sure
it means much,
if you're not sure
it's enough?

You say the word,
I'll lead the way.
The cost is high,
we'll surely pay.
You've started a fire
that we can't put out.
There's no forgiveness
within our drought.

You say the word,
I'll wreck the past.
We split the cost
to raise the mast.
It is your silence
that seems to coast.
It is our distance
that hurts the most.

You say the word,
I'll lead the way.
We both will slowly
d  r  i  f  t    a  w  a  y.
Yet, without you,
I'm merely dust.
In suit, I'll follow,
if I must.

You say the word,
I'll wreck the past.
There is no point
in going last.
I will speak first
if you don't ask.
It is our sorrows
in which we bask.

If there is a god,
he must be a coward.
He never shows his face
in our worst of hours.

There are no signs
pointing in his favor.
Maybe he's run out
on his terrible neighbors.

There is no creed
to our repentance.
We've all been born
with a life sentence.

The racket
starts it all;
lights the chain;
sounds the call.
Ever-present
is the echo;
it screams
to let go.
Let go.
Let go.

This is solace,
so let's
let the glass
go down.

This is solace,
no less
than living
life unbound.

This is solace,
caress
your fingers
in my palm.

this is solace.
solace
represents
no harm.

Flaring inability of solid perception is eating me whole.
The boundaries of the mind continue to blur;
pressing forever's endeavors,
with each blink that I can't help.

The meaning of seeing is the same as believing,
but who has the will to consistently try?
Moments dissolve into memories over time
and even then, a thought is but itself.

Our downfall is our heresy
which wraps around and buries me.
So, here's to solidarity.
We all agree to disagree.

Such platforms merely can't conceive
us standing up as effigies,
since we'd prefer entirely
to one and all be entities.

There is a slight delay
in our speech and our ways,
the time for a choice
to make peace with disdain.

I found I was wrong.
You were right all along.
I'm a stuttering chorus.
You're a verse in a song.

18-
That was me.
I'd never heard of scrutiny,
but was sure that I knew everything.
I was the best I'd ever seen.

Then I turned 19,
I did my best to be unclean-
to make an end to all my means
by exploring everything obscene.
I made a point to ruin things.

When I was only barely 20,
I'd thought everything was funny,
but knew I had to grow up.
I knew all was cloudy and not sunny,
I was destined to **** up.

When I had just turned 21,
I had made a moon out of a sun.
I had poured the marrow from a bone.
I guess I reaped what I had sewn.

When I was still green at 22,
I didn't know just what to do.
I thought I knew how to push through,
but alcohol made me a fool.

By the time I hit 23,
It made me sick to look at me.
Mirrors saw me as practically,
as my best friends would ever see.

It went so fast- I was 24,
I knew I'd **** myself for sure.
I found my self in a whole new place-
it was Hell and much, much more.

By the time that I saw 25,
I wasn't sure I was alive.
I'd lived on so I could strive,
but I could not- at least I tried.

Now, I am almost 26.
Now, I'm hardly here
and I'm hardly ****.
It is all my fault,
that I'm amiss.

Jesus Christ is just a fix.

We could talk about this season,
about how it's cold,
about how it hurts more every year.

We could talk about my patterns,
about how they grow,
about their ****** and its punctuality.

We could talk about change,
about how it's inevitable,
about how it could save us, if only we'd let it.

We could talk,
but then again,
just pass the flask.
Let's drink, my friend.

Death is all around us;
in beauty,
in sadness
and peace.
I wish it weren't in me.

I forge tentative tendencies
disregarding the embassies
that make sense of discrepancies.
This might be the end of me.

I've had struggles with infamy;
this shame is mine, partially.
I'd intended to skirt a plea,
but that was too challenging.

Don't make me scream,
American Dream.
Just send me on my way.

You turn water to steam,
American Dream,
with your never-ending flame.

A simple man, I am.
Don't try to get confused,
don't try to understand.
I live my whole entire life
wading in the shallow end
and enjoy the total lack of strife
as solace is my dearest friend.

I am a body without plans.
Don't get confused,
you won't understand.
I am wallowing in fear again.
Don't feel abused,
just take my hand.

Sometimes,
what I need
is you to
tell me what
I've seen.

I want everything
perceived
since I'm
so hard
to make believe.

I know that we
will die together;
let's change
frontiers
from flesh
to leather.

In time,
all storms
are weathered.
I am here
for worse,
or better.

My God,
I know forever
merely holds
but 7 letters.

My God,
I know I never
will believe
I could forget her.

Well, I put on a sweater and it smelled of the Uintas.
I'd merely just begun a quest, an adventure toward endearment.
I was looking for a home, or some sort of holy entrance.
I'm just not looking to become a never ending guilt trip.

I'd take anything sufficient, undying or resilient,
or anything for real that doesn't give in to indifference.
I need a love that won't ever stray and a heart that can take a fall.
I'd settle for a lack of malleability, something that won't give in at all.

I've been putting on an image; it hasn't seen its end of days.
Still, this notion of abhorrence hinders plans and I subside.
I have overcome persistence to acknowledge my own ways.
I'll be tearing down this hindrance to breach my system's override.

I'd take anything of brilliance to tackle my affiliates-
I'd take time measured in billionths to find out all my ailments.
I need a body that will not leave and opinions without stall.
I want it all, I've seen it all- don't sell me short, I need it all.

Yes, I am your lover, but I won't ever be your friend.
We will never be more than we have ever been.
I've been writing down these words in repentance of my sins.
There's no need to be alarmed; this merely ends where it begins.

No, you're not my lover, but you'll always be my friend.
We will never be as much as we've already been.
You've forced on me this distance and I will break before I bend.
There is cause to be alarmed; you've severed ties that we can't mend.

This fickle heart has done me wrong.
I miss you now that your are gone for good.
On my way down, I missed a rung.
I'm broken now and I've been stunned by you.

Tell me.
I don't know the difference
between love and heartbreak.

Sell me
out for being ignorant.
There isn't bliss when there's resistance.

Tell me,
'cause I don't know a thing.

Sell me.
I've been splitting at my seams.

We can talk about the damage done.
Let's stretch our legs so we can run around in circles.
I'll chew you up around my tongue
and spit you out when I am done, but I don't want to.

Tell me.
I don't know the difference
between love and heartbreak.

Sell me
out for being ignorant.
There isn't bliss when there's resistance.

Fail me.
I don't deserve a thing.

**** me,
and I won't even blink.

Tell me,
tell me anything.

I can let go of everything;
I can release all that I'm holding.
This is the worst-case scenario-
I don't think I am boding well.

Sever all we've bound;
Let's get lost in the beauty of sound.

Let's make a plan to get clean,
a plan to get sober.
We wont give up without a fight-
This isn't over
and I wish I began
all of this sooner.

I can keep up with my mind.
I can, at least most of the time.
There definitely are ghosts in me-
I only preach what I believe.

As good as things began,
blossoms only grow old in the end.

Let's make a plan to get clean,
a plan to get sober.
You can't give up the ghost,
you've got to fight-
this isn't over.

So, why must this begin
over and over again?

I can see in your eyes
what your mouth really means.
I'm focused and sure
and I don't feel a thing.

As my patience was worn,
with my heart on my sleeve,
you got me right at my throat
on the edge of your seat.

I can't run at this pace.
I don't move steadily.
My erratic behavior
may be the end of me.

So, save it.
Save it.
Save it, please.

Save it.
Save it.
Save it for me.

There's a line that we cross
when our eyes can not see
the differences lost
between you and me.

Where the vision was shared
with willingness to please,
there opened a hole
and the void swallowed me.

I can't keep up this time.
I shouldn't give up on me.
But, you gave me the chance;
let's destroy everything.

So, save it.
Save it.
Save it, please.

Save it.
Save it.
Save it for me.

My feelings I seek,
but my words I just eat
when I type and delete
and surmise and repeat.

asdfghjkl;

asdfghjkl;

asdfghjkl;

Defeated

I have my white flag waving.
I'm in the trenches waning.
I have my black heart breaking
with the pressures gaining.

I've got a spot of color just behind my eyelids.
I've got a sense of anger burning red and vibrant.

I've got a flash of hope behind apprehension.
I've got the notion of defeat in our separation.

I have my white flag waving
with the pressures gaining.
I have my my black heart breaking.
I'm in the trenches waning.

I am no better than anyone else.
I'm but a page upon a shelf.
I am a product of amateur stealth.
I'm not any better than I, myself.

I am no god, nor am I a fool.
I'm not just a piece and I'm more than a tool.
I am not a beast, but I'm barely a man.
I don't even aim to be the best that I can.

I am no more than I can see.
I'm but a figment of my own dreams.
I am a minnow among a reef.
I'm the by-product of other's beliefs.

I couldn't keep up.
I could not keep in touch.
I couldn't ever tell you
that we needed to grow up.
I had to sever ties.
I need you kept out of my life.
I had to get by my denial
just to get by your lies.

You are a poison.
You're a stain.
You're a fight.
You are helpless.
You are wrong.
You were right.

I had to speak up.
You had to interrupt.
You need to find a way to trust
the rotten feeling in your gut.
I could not see you through,
but I could see right through you.
While it is spouting an excuse,
your mouth will never tell the truth.

You were reason.
You were effort.
You were light.
That was then,
then was day,
this is night.

Bias over basis.
Look at we've done.
We've unraveled every inch of the thread that we have spun.

Errors over trials.
This is how we play.
So much for analysis and so much for how it weighs.

Ears were made to listen.
Look at what they do.
They've become a man-made highway for logic to pass through.

Eyes were made to see.
Look where we begin.
Judgment at the sign of growth: this is the world that we are in.

There I was,
standing; a mess.
It is you, my dear.
Omit the fear
and I will do the rest.

Fuming around,
We will be breaking ground.
We will be taking action
without making a sound.

There you were,
standing; a mess.
It is me that you see.
I can make you believe
that fear is a foe to contest.

Devastation abound!
We make heads spin around!
We are more than shock-value;
We're the best pound-for-pound.

There we were,
standing; a mess.
Yet we're the caliber of champions.
We're at home with the best.

A stuttering halt is a fantasy here;
as believable as low-budget science fiction.
Let us freeze one and all with violent ambition.

A time of calm is nonexistent here;
our  disposal of time is a fruitless conviction.
Let us play the victim of a reckless tradition.

For me, paradise is just a pair of dice:
if we roll them and get lucky,
then society won't **** me.

The odds are painless.
You can trust me;
we won't ever be so lucky.

You are as confident as broken nails
and as filthy as a rodent smells.
You're like infidels in cheap hotels
where prostitutes have body sales.

This guilt was berthed when your stomach fell
forever deep into an endless well.
This is as tragic as a soiled veil
as you've become an empty shell.

Cigarette smoke climbs the walls,
but broken alarms sound muted calls.
Out here, there are countless brawls.
Your city sleeps; our city crawls.

I'm the helm of a gunship with a questionable crown;
only the uncivilized still live on the ground.
And now it is how I took control of the bow,
floating one thousand leagues up here in the clouds,
that is haunting the population that looms all around
while my only concern is the safety I've found.

When I don't know what I want to know,
my thoughts become intangible.

I'm forever on the edge of this
undying threat of helplessness.
But, with my hope, if I persist,
I'll cross the line of competence.

To slow down time, I need machines
to manipulate the flow of things.
I'm having trouble swallowing
the corruption that my harvests bring.

I don't know what I need to know,
but I know I'm indestructible.

There's a sizable difference
between our lives and existence.
But, we can cover the distance
with an epic persistence.

We should try out indifference
without leaving our imprints
and cast away our existence
to the edge of fickle brilliance.

Our search for perpetual motion
starts and ends at the shores of the oceans.
We can't turn our back on the simplest notions.
Still, we close out the world when it's doors are so open.

We live with a Mother that plays the protector,
but we may be better off if she'd play the director.
It seems in the end we will see what we've left her:
analog parts in a digital sector.

I am ****** without a thought
of all the things that I forgot.
I'm busy standing in the rot
of everything thing that I am not.
I am **** straight out of luck,
Its a cliche to rhyme with '****'
but, I'm just not original.
I'm scripted by my ridicule
and I ****.

I've left you alone for days and days.
Oh, my internal wordpress, you we're once my slave.
I hope you come back since I have set you free.
The one missing out has been me, poor me.

Heed my advice:
you've got to let it go right.
Let's make friends with misery
and end it all tonight.

You've got to taste with your toes
before you dive in.
The places you've always known
are where I have been.

Since I've carved a pathway
for new souls to follow,
you could do the same
for a better tomorrow.

So, heed my advice:
if you let this go tonight,
you've got to let it go easy
and let it go right.

I've left you alone for months and weeks and days.
Oh, my internal wordpress, you we're once my slave.
I hope you come back since I've set you free.
The one missing out has been me, poor me.

You know the the feeling
of inseparable grace
hand-in-hand with a sense
of apparent distaste.

I'm so sick of sorrow
skirted by unintentional affection.
Plus, you confuse the relation
between my heart and thought sensations.

I've never hurt worse
in such a short amount of time.
You'll never read this spiel,
but a silent thought is fine.

**** this thought of hope.
**** what I would like to see.
I was so full of accusations
that I forgot to breathe.

Say what they want to hear
and they will follow without fear.
You've got to be a leader, man.
You've got to give it all you can.
Just keep the stops at bay throughout this Fall.
Anything for the better, one and all.

Say what they want to hear
and they will follow without fear.
There has to be a better place;
a place where we can show true face.
We need it now more than ever before.
We need to live, we need to be more.

Let's build from the ground up,
a fortress that cannot be touched.
a miracle home could give us so much more.

Oh, songbirds nestled in a treetop
singing songs, well that's what I want.  
I'd change the world, I'd change it if I could.  
I'd fight harder than I once fought
and take pride in all that I've got.  
I'd offer more than offered if I could.  
I'm standing at a junction
finding temporary function
in coping skills I've gained from only me.
I've prepared for an eruption,
but couldn't fathom the corruption
that I've been holding all along inside of me.  
I'm too afraid, so I'll just run then
to get away from what I've closed in.  
I'd open doors but I can't, that's just me.

Run to the one that has no choice but to try.
He's done you so wrong, but you give him the time.
He's got the remedy, the things that you need.
Fill those lungs up with smoke and ruin your teeth.
Take what is easy,
but don't take it from me.
I may make this seem hard,
but I could be everything.

**** it away,
because you don't care,
because there's no title,
because there's no promise here.
brush it off quickly,
because it's okay,
because we mean nothing,
because we don't stay.
get over it,
because that's what you need,
because that's what I do,
because you learn from me.

I've been searching for safety for so many years.
I'm running in circles; there's nothing new here.
I'm digging for promise, 'cause that's all I need.
Empty conviction means nothing to me.

Maybe I am wrong.
I hope I'm not.
I thought this was right.

Maybe its just not-
not what I thought.
I thought this was right.

I'm building a trapdoor for swifter escapes;
somewhere that I can keep secret and safe.
I said what I thought, but no one would listen.
Abandon disruption; abandon the mission.

Maybe I am wrong.
I hope I'm not.
I thought this was right.

Maybe its just not-
not what I thought.
I thought this was right.

I love a devil's birthday from the sky.
Instead of from the ground, it's coming down.
I saw clouds collide before my eyes
like salty sea foam when the tide is nigh.
It is short-lived glory that lives the most.
I'm making the best of the time I host.
I've been told to not hurry or rush myself,
but I'd rather live fast than die on a shelf.

Well, I'm sorry, but that isn't enough.
Well, you're sorry, but that isn't enough.

We nullify chances for happiness.
We're hopeless so, let's pack up and go.
I've seen myself sink deeper than the sea
starting at my toes, flooding past my teeth.
If there's no salvation for soulless men,
I better cover my tracks and where I've been.
This rope-a-dope hope game has no class.
I'm running out of time and I'm out of gas.

Well, I'm sorry, but that isn't enough.
Well, you're sorry, but that isn't enough.

I'll set the pace,
control the course,
I will make waves
with no remorse.

You will be scared
and that's the worst.
I will make waves
with no remorse.

Its time to make or break,
time to make it work.
I will make waves
without support.

It is time for open minds
and open hearts.
I will make waves
without support.

I set the pace,
control the course,
I'm making waves
with no remorse.

Why is it that we live two lives?
There's one for truth and one for lies.
I'm getting sick of alibis.
I'd rather we just compromise.
You can't see what I've been seeing.
Truth be told, it has not been easy.
I could tell you anything and you'd believe me,
but that's the same **** thing you've been achieving.

The wind is at my back and I swear to god,
I swear to god you're next in line.
My hands beneath your chin as you suffer, pretty.
That's such a pretty neck you have.
I'm on my game,
I'm on your mind,
I'm on the spot,
I'm right on time.
When I'm done you'll know disgrace,
you'll know my name,
you'll know my face.

We live under floorboards
on watch until you to come.
You won't see the threat
in this ghost town facade,
but we will bind you in chains
and we'll drag you along.
We will pillage what is useful
until all is merely none.

We need your water,
but we don't need your food.
For dinner tonight,
the main dish is you.
We feed upon life and
take pride in your deaths.
We're the one's who live on.
You're survivors at best.

I can't tell if this is real.  
I have horrible depth-perception skills.
It kills me, but fills me
with time-spent reciepts,
new feats and new beats;
a loud symphonic repeat.
'3-2-1' wont sound like much
with my self-destruction once
I separate it from the bunch
by destroying everything I touch.
I'm a ravaging savage
scavenging habits.
I'm blasphemous at average,
without a handle on damage.
I am everything love wants to hate.
I am death reincarnate.

The disillusion of man:
the most epic grandeur.
Smoke and mirrors,
mind tricks and light tricks,
without all the filler,
but not without power,
has been drowning in valor,
been making us cower,
been making us bitter
and turning us sour.
It's for the worst.

I crawled into your mind
to steal a piece of beauty to call mine.
It took a lot of effort,
but it didn't take a lot of time.

It was a spray of bright colors
separated by slumber
and a series of numbers;
a natural canvas of infectious affection,
gorgeous perfection
and a skull for protection.

But, I harbored your hard work
like a grunt doing yard work.
I gathered much hastily
and I'm taking it back with me.

At even a mind's world apart,
with a quick enough start,
we can do enough damage
to leave permanent marks.

Feed my lies to me.
We can make ourselves believe.
Anything is possible,
especially changing things.

We could finally clear our sight.
We could sleep all through the night.
We could finally take flight.
We could finally get this right.

But, I'd rather make believe
that now is all I need.
I'd rather make believe
that I shouldn't change a thing.

I'd rather make believe that I'm for real.

Every single time
that I've tried to thank you,
you never accept
and I never make you.

I wish real bad
that I could hate you.
But, you're too good,
I congratulate you.

We won't get it right.
No, we won't get it right.

We won't get it right.
No, we won't get it right.

It was an awful mistake;
all the ties that you've frayed,
they get weaker now every week.

And I want you to taste
all the words that you hate.
How do they feel on the tip of your tongue?

Let's correlate;
place ambition with faith.
Let's make everything go our way.

I'll get this down;
I'll make this triangle round.
We come full circle anyway.