Within my life, love has always gone away to die.

Whether it be between my Grandparents on my fathers side

or

the collapse of a middle class family in denial.

My mother, the saint

My father, the preoccupied.

I spent my whole life just watching them try.

I watched my extended family start to run dry

between every visitation & cancer

&

every divorce without answers.

The simplest thing I could do was sit by

& learn from the mistakes / the taking without giving.

The heartaches for no sake.

But still to come in my life is the difference I hope for.

The truth that I wish upon a ring to embody something more.

It could represent all that i’ve seen to forget.

& bring two stories together -

Neither in shame nor regret.

Covered in frost from a storm too shy; Bits of you meet my eye

Telling truths from the gut, into the blender of the soul.

It’s just me here now and i’ve got nowhere to go.

All these doctors, all these people

never imagining ends by any means

although I prefer it when it rains,

you make the storm last all week.

Only fools allow puppeteers to negotiate their homes

from their beliefs to their thrones - you are the master of your own.

All a poisonous gas created from and by each other.

It’s a wonder we’re still here

blissfully blinded as the mother.

I am only shame without a number,
no parlour to your tricks & greed.
I hold within something that slumbers
and when i'm awake it tortures me.
This feast of heathenestic ideals
no room for sense unless it bleeds.
I am the fear of no tomorrow
and of no sleep until next week.
A place for counting all the numbers
add them up to feed the sheep.
Maybe Jim will go home early
or maybe Jak will sleep alone
Maybe all the things we think we know
we really,
truly
don't.

You say it’s funny that I couldn’t come through like I said

You said, “Yeah, you’re in luck, you’re just like the rest.”

Playin’ schoolboy loves schoolgirl,

but with a broken heart on the mend.

My stain on your staircase is forgotten at best.

Like that outdated invitation,

to your Halloween party.

Or the streets we used to walk,

and I’d constantly worry-

that you’d find somebody else, between then and now.

I guess I was right, and I guess things work themselves out

But for the most part, I feel like

I helped push you away.

I guess most of the time, I get the feeling

this is how things will stay.

Simple patterns place the tune
into a new earshot of space every afternoon.
Withering and twisting it all looks the same
but it feels different on the inside
it knows its own name. The key and the flats
The vicious cycle of white, black
or both.
Some technicolor grey.

You've got to really accept it
that the heart knows what to do
if you don't, the pressure changes
and the your life ends far too soon.
Time will hit you like a brick
being thrown from
a hurricane
& in time, those of us who know our name
will still be somewhat sane.

I couldn't promise the plan
I couldn't promise anything.
But I could feel the way you felt
when you knew I was taking on everything.
Maybe you waited to watch as I tripped on
myself.
Stummbling through a violent storm of mind
My own Hell.

I’d send out an s.o.s.

with no reply.

I’d endeavor the moons of my mind

between lunch and dinner-time.

I’d sail between forests of orange and green

just to hike back and see if I’d still believe.

Oh, hollow tunnels through the mountain of my heart.

bring me back to the winds that tore us apart.

Show me selfish sin and i’ll give you the rain

for lack of better man, i’d give you my name.

Wake and toss
the bed slides on the floor
so you
remember more
instead of drifting off.
There are no sides
no conflicts, really
just a drowning in tides
so to speak.
The small lights from my computer
linger
the hum of the fan
and the
leftover plans
I said i'd do yesterday.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow, i'll say.