i live in fear of
all things left unlived but
i do not fear you.

i fear fear itself and the end
which always comes but i can hear
it coming for me

always

i was made to stand lonely
but you see my pain and tell me
it makes you whole

this could be it, sunshine

in that moment I understood
the words of jealous men -

I wanted your body
To be cleanse from the touch
Of other women

And I understood holy rage

is it wrong that
the deep notes of your voice
calmed all the storms
inside my chest?

even the ones
that I can blame on you?

Dear you,

This is not my first love letter.
You will know I've written dozens -
Something no one knew before you

The first page was filled with the thoughtless wonders
Of my sixteen year old mind.
How romantic it was to consider that perhaps one day
The man I love would read them?

I threw them out with the rest of the things
I didn't think I would ever live fully.

So, dear you, how did we get here?

do you understand the emptiness
of love unlived and promise unfulfilled?

it is the emptiness of silence that could be filled
but isn't and words hang on by a thread

it is the casual indifference of never to be resolved
and the jolt of recognizing where you stand

no men's land on your own, waving a flag for quiet

poetry written by fingers
have you ever tasted anything so sweet?

you kiss my skin once
and leave a trail of fingers on my body

this has all been written before by history
and each other.