There are times in a young woman's life
Where she has to protect herself
Protect her heart and words
Because nothing ever lasts
Unless you know boundaries
When it comes to love
When it comes to trust
When it comes to honesty
When it comes to security

Girls grow up thinking
''Growing up sounds fun''
But then, as time goes on
We begin to miss being *young
Being free spirits in terms of youth
In terms of thinking and feeling
And the importance of confidence
As well as being free to have fun
As if life had just begun

Young girls are more confident
Well, in the childhood days
But as they grow and understand
The importance of beauty overshadows them
And as they go through puberty
They realize how much beauty
Is a major factor in happiness
When they become obsessed
With self-appearances
And body types
Make-up
Alcohol
Drugs
*****

Alone, she walked the road of despair
Looking for the man of her dreams
But he was nowhere to be found.

Her heart broke into a thousand pieces
Looking for the one who completed hers
She tried so desperately to hold on
To what she believed to be true
Knowing all too well that she
Would lose herself
Trying to find
Him.

Her eyes would be filled to the brink
With tears that flowed like a river
It felt like an anchor
Was making her sink
Into the waters
Of a lost forever.

I used to believe that happiness was in
gaining a love, gaining security
gaining hope from within

but the longer I live
the more I lose touch
with what I used to believe
and what I once thought
was the right things in life
the best of them all
but everyone suffers
temporary or permanent
life changing downfalls

and we all grieve
at some point in life
either the loss of ourselves
or the loss of loved ones
we all feel and will feel
endless bouts of pain
sharp pains that can feel
like strangulation
or self-inflicted
times of illusion

misguided thoughts
and moments of weakness
psychotic rages
and times of
confusion

I have felt so much in a short space of time
it is hard to believe that I am somewhat 'fine'
the amount of trauma sustained
from the painful migraines
the way it felt like someone
squeezing and pressuring my head
the way it felt like my brain
was going to explode
at some known time and place
the way it felt like system malfunction
was taking it's course of faith
how it took so much away from my life

people say strong people never feel pain
and that they have no reason
to feel anything but joy
well those people are wrong
because I was once strong

and look what the **** happened
depression took over my soul
and stripped me of my voice
it broke me to the point
of almost shooting myself
in the head with a gun
that's what my dreams
always consisted of
suicide and a loss of pride
a loss of consciousness
felt like someone was
controlling my heart
poking holes
and making me bleed
until I was seeing stars
even if I was behind doors
my mind made me delusional
made me drift away from reality
I'm still not myself at all
not functioning properly

I don't sleep anymore
not even drugs are a cure
not even *** stimulates
my naked body is a disgrace
when I look in the mirror
I can imagine it shatter

my whole sense of view
about everything of me
is honestly the worst
there is no in-between
sometimes I wonder
if life will ever get
as good as it once was

that chapter of my life
is still yet un-explored
but I picture it
in my head
all the time

The thought of seeing your face today
is enough to make me smile with joy
not sure if you even still like me
but your words say the truth
and I know it's going to be
a very beautiful day
to be alive and sane
and to be insane
with lovely hope
and maybe
bittersweet
intense thoughts
of the one I
haven't seen
in all these months
I hope you like me
just as much as I
like your face

sensitive to the slightest touch
everything you give me
sends me to the heavens
and all of the above
you consume my time
you consume my brain
you consume my thoughts
the brewing passion
in my thin veins
never seem to fade
you push my buttons
you drive me insane
still I hear myself
repeating your name
when your body
is pressed against mine
your love is beyond
what I can imagine
maybe this is
my own kind
of heaven