Even though you lied to keep me
I still love you dearly
Should have moved on
Just have let go
But who am I kidding?
I love you so
No jokin'
I can't escape it
The past
Brings me
Back
To
**Us

I always wake up
With a smile on my face
But as soon as the night is here
My smile fades and disappears

4 am is when I'm crying
Barely even functioning
Wishing you would need me
Wishing you'd see
How much I need
Your love over me

How many times do I have to say this?
How many times do you need to hear it?
I don't know why you never gave it a chance
I could have been your last romance
We could have it all
But you cheated me
And I took the fall
Blamed myself for your departure
But in reality, it was her
Her fault for ruining our love
Ruining our joined hearts
Destroying what we had
And now I'm falling asleep
With tears on my pillow
And your voice in my head

4 am is when I'm overthinking
Wondering if you miss me
Like I miss you
If she loves you
Like I used to
Like I still do

Does she adore you
Like I did?
Would she be committed
Like I was and used to be?
Would she give her all
Just to make you smile?

Still got that engagement ring
I'd never trade it for anything
It's a part of my memories
Reminding me of what we used to be
Reminding me that yours, I always will be
Maybe one day you'll see
That you belong with me

Memories flash before my eyes
as I remember the present times
of my insane life

I think back to where I was
how I behaved
how I acted
and I reflect upon
how much I've matured
since then

I used to be insane
oh wait
I still am
only smarter now
than I was
way back when
I was a little child
in this big world

look at me now
now I'm the big one
a big girl
in a tiny world

insomniac at heart
born and raised
in the city which never sleeps
yeah, I love being me sometimes

a beautiful flame
burning bright
and then one day
it's gone
nothing
left
but

       A
          S
        H      
      E
        S


&

   D
     U
        S
          T


I was okay
for a while
until
my
smile
faded
into
something
I can't describe

a face with no expression
a heart with no emotion
a body with no oxygen
collapsing
falling
dying
with
no
time
to
save
my life

needing a release
before I
relapse

I don't know what to express
feels like I've given up
on my life

no amount of love
could change my thoughts
I'd blank it all out
as I'd fall into what I once
swore I'd never let in again
the other part of me
that I had to leave
I sense my old feelings
making a bitter return

I never wanted to fall for it
I tried so hard to make an effort
to stay and keep myself on track
but every human
has their weak points
something that brings them back
to their deadly old thoughts

I always feel so down
knowing she's not here
helping me smile again
and wiping away my tears
she was my favorite poet
such a beautiful heart
makes me
want
to
be
put
to rest
with
the one
who made
me smile
the brightest

I could never forget her face
or her infectious laugh
the way the room would shine
when she walked in
her personality shined
like the sun
her hugs
are what
I miss
the
most

it's been three years
and I'm still grieving the loss
of my favorite poet
the one who
gave my heart
warmth
enough
strength to
re-start
re-activate

her death changed the way
I looked at life
she taught me that
life can easily begin
but also
very easily
end