sinister smile
that smirk you throw at me when you say something dreadful
about my dress
or my hair
or the way i laugh
that smirk you throw at me
in between breaths
when my breath smells like coffee and toothpaste
and you press your mouth on mine anyways
i'll always laugh

you mean so much
but i hate to say i love you
because it doesn't describe anything
it's all *******
i know
and i know i could live without you
but tell me
why the hell would i want to?

Don't tell me
That the words you speak
Are not sharp
And jagged
When
Your lips brush against my skin
And your whispers sink into flesh
Whispers that draw blood
I can't say no
Clenching words
Won't let me go

Hellish creature
My nightmare embodied in that smile

if i'm meant to endure today
the way i feel
might play along
pretend there is a purpose
a trick my mind plays on itself

does anyone really know
what it means to really know
or are some
just better at hiding
that they've never really known?

tell me that you'll never leave
but please don't stay too long
hold my hand when you walk with me
just not with sweaty palms
kiss me like i'm the only one
but god, you're smothering me now
just stop

love doesn't annoy
love doesn't hurt
love shouldn't even need to try
it's seamless and effortless
it should never make you cry

bend your fingers back
enough so the knuckle turns white
a pinch of pain
enough to let you know it's real
look at yourself in a mirror
and stare
for hours
analyzing
tearing apart the image you see
put the pieces in any other pattern
listen to the voices telling you
you're wrong
you're worthless
you won't amount to anything
let them overcome you

i am no martyr
i seek no knight in armor
i torment myself
to reassure myself
that i am not myself

Everything I had sought
To expel out
Had stayed within
Caught between my teeth and
Laced within my lips
Every word I tried to say to you
Became an utter
Silenced by the tension in the room
Shattered by my stutter
For now the silence has to do
For now I will just wonder
What would have happened otherwise
If I had told you sooner